Well the internet crashed , that figures. Right when I was surfing about something important too. Isn't that how it always happens.
Well, my N is sticky and that makes for hapless typing and editing. More frustration. Oh well. Life could be worse.
I've spent the last few weeks in great solitude. That is both good and bad for the soul. I've been grieving and frankly, nobody wants to be around someone sad, so it's best to just keep alone until it passes.
It's passing, but a chunk of my heart has been ripped away. I lost my cat, Lil Bear, literally lost him, he is presumed alive and running wild in fields and farms ad forests somewhere in upstate South Carolina. Very sad for me. He was my best buddy and a smart talented, loving cat. Not knowing his fate is heart wrenching. I can only imagine a fate worse, the parents of missing children and how their heart must ache to the very core of their tortured soul. It's the "not knowing" what has happened.
At least with death, while rarely ever pleasant, you KNOW what happened to someone you loved.
Kind hearted people try to offer me new cats, while I frantically search for my missing cat. I have spent loads of time, travel and money trying to track that little kitty down. I take on pets as permanent furry children that I am responsible for.
It tore my heart apart recently, to find homes for two of my cats and scale down to only one cat. That was weighing heavily upon my soul. Did I do the right thing? Will they be happy and loved? I showered my love on the remaining cat, and he was thoroughly bewildered at the sudden daily changes affecting our household.
I've kept my plans close to my vest pocket, as they are subject to change at my whim, and it's confounded my friends and my readers.
I'm currently camping out on a friend's sofa, grieving over my lost cat and trying not to freeze. I've had to add to my wardrobe, and buy more shoes. My wonderfully comfy leather sandals, handmade from the Caribbean, are just not warm enough for 40 degree weather.
I spend a lot of time outside, contemplating the shady backyard of the home I am at. My friend is often gone working or socializing, so I do the basic housekeeping, laundry and some cooking.
I bought an old cheap car to get around in. There is no local public transportation, and everything is spread out. My goodness, the grocery stores up here in the USA are HUGE!
As some of you know, I am recuperating and have to rest often. The first time out shopping, I became suddenly very weary and discovered there is no place to sit in or out of the store. Sad. Hard to get to know new people when everyone is rushing around.
The traffic! Oh my gosh. In the 22 years I was away from the USA with only about a half dozen brief visits in that time span, I didn't really stay on top of the USA cultural changes.
The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry.
Quote from the character Brooks in "The Shawshank Redemption":
Brooks: [narrating] Dear fellas, I can't believe how fast things move on the outside. I saw an automobile once when I was a kid but now they're everywhere. The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry. The parole board got me into this halfway house called "The Brewer". And a job bagging groceries at the Foodway. It's hard work and I try to keep up but my hands hurt most of the time. I don't think the store manager likes me very much. Sometimes after work I go to the park and feed the birds. I keep thinking Jake might just show up and say hello. But he never does. I hope wherever he is he's okay and makin' new friends. I have trouble sleepin' at night. I have bad dreams like I'm falling. I wake up scared. Sometimes it takes me a while to remember where I am. Maybe I should get me a gun, an, an rob the Foodway so they'd send me home. I could shoot the manager while I was at it, sort of like a bonus. I guess I'm too old for that sort of nonsense anymore. I don't like it here. I'm tired of being afraid all the time. I've decided not to stay. I doubt they'll kick up any fuss. Not for an old crook like me.
[carves "Brooks was here" into wood. Admires his work for a moment. Then kicks out the table beneath him and hangs himself]