Friday, December 11, 2009

Free Shipping through Dec 13th

FREE SHIPPING on orders of $50 or more between now and Sunday at midnight (PST)


Use coupon code LASTSHIP


* Free Economy or Standard shipping for orders of $50 or more, excluding shipping charges and applicable sales tax. Delivery address must be within the United States and cannot be a PO Box. All orders will be Economy shipping unless the order is not eligible for Economy shipping (e.g., order exceeds Economy weight restrictions). Coupon code must be entered at check out. Promotion starts on December 11, 2009 at 12:00 a.m. (PST) and ends on December 13, 2009 at 11:59 p.m. (PST). Cannot be combined with any other CafePress coupons or promotions and this offer may change, be modified or cancelled at anytime without notice.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

More News from the Virgin Islands



http://www.google.com/url?sa=X&q=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/othersports/sailing/6771503/Geoff-Holt-on-solo-mission-to-become-first-disabled-sailor-to-cross-Atlantic.html&ct=ga&cd=fmwoL3CMtVY&usg=AFQjCNGDeu9V0v8PoX3ErTN9S6ehum4PHg
Telegraph.co.uk
Geoff Holt on solo mission to become first disabled sailor to cross Atlantic
Telegraph.co.uk
If Geoff Holt makes it to Cane Garden Bay in Tortola in January, his log book won't just chronicle the usual steep seas and ghastly storms but the key ...

Geoff Holt to set off tomorrow - Yachts and Yachting Online
It seems right to sail back to Cane Garden Bay in Tortola in the British Virgin Islands as this is where I had my accident. I will be returning as a quadriplegic yachtsman and it is a personal challenge where I feel I will be closing ...

Broker Report: Tortola Charter Show
Charter broker Kathleen Mullen of Regency Yacht Vacations discusses the 2009 Tortola charter yacht show.

Tortola PDF | Download Free Ebook Tortola
Media Kit: Tortola. City Centre And Island Of Mystery. BRITISH VIRGIN ISLANDS – Rising from the Technicolor tides as the anchor island of the British Virgin ...

A trip down memory lane!
Flying Cloud Windjammer Virgin Islands 2000 pictures from ...
Scanned photos of a Windjammer cruise on the Flying Cloud thru the Virgin Islands in 2000. this ...Windjammer Legacy BVI 2006 · Windjammer Legacy Part 2 ...


Don't forget to buy your 2010 Virgin Islands Calendars by Dear Miss Mermaid!


Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Lots of Fun Links From Dear Miss Mermaid

DearMissMermaid.Com Entrance to Home Page

About That Ocean

Children say the darnedest things...


1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.
(Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.(Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)




Tuesday, December 08, 2009


Um.... that is a HILARIOUS newspaper headline! tee hee hee!



Dear Miss Mermaid's 2010 Calendars are now on sale and ship worldwide! Six exciting designs to choose from!

You can also buy my book autographed! Click on the link below then click on
6 new from $14.99 (autographed ones are $17.99 and are shipped worldwide)

Ho Ho Ho!

Argh! Mateys!

SEASONS GREETINGS


20% off Dear Miss Mermaid's Drinking Mugs

20% off Dear Miss Mermaid's Drinking Mugs

Use Code MUGSHOT

Promotion starts on December 8, 2009, at 12:00 a.m. (PST) and ends on December 8, 2009, at 11:59 p.m. (PST).

Monday, December 07, 2009

"Santa Claus You are Much too Fat" (Sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)

"Santa Claus You are Much too Fat" (Sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)

I heard a reindeer hoof,
then Santa dressed in red came crashing thru' the roof,
and landed in my bed.
I thought it was a dream,
but quickly did I wake,
as soon as I heard Santa yell "I want a piece of cake"

Ohhhh, Santa Claus Santa Claus
You are much too fat
I was sleeping peacefully but now my bed is flat.
Ohhhh Santa Claus Santa Claus
How much do you weigh?
I'm glad I'm not a reindeer
That has to pull your sleigh.

He got up off the floor and said "How do you do?"
I said "my back is sore, my head is black and blue"
"So sorry" he replied, and then he asked my name.
He offered me a ride, I said "No thank you just the same."

Ohhhh, Santa Claus Santa Claus
You are much too fat
I was sleeping peacefully but now my bed is flat.
Ohhhh Santa Claus Santa Claus
How much do you weigh?
I'm glad I'm not a reindeer
That has to pull your sleigh.

I heard a "ho ho ho",
the sleigh was in the sky but it was moving slow and wasn't very high
t wobbled in the air,
I hoped it wouldn't fall;
Said Santa chewing cookies "Merry Christmas, one and all!"

Ohhhh, Santa Claus Santa Claus
You are much too fat
I was sleeping peacefully but now my bed is flat.
Ohhhh Santa Claus Santa Claus
How much do you weigh?
I'm glad I'm not a reindeer
That has to pull your sleigh.


25 Days of Free Songs






Thursday, December 03, 2009

Dear Miss Mermaid Averts Disaster, Again...

I'm in the USA right now.

I had to mail off a super important small package to a sailing friend in Florida. I had finally found the parts I needed to mail, the bubble wrap to protect them, and I had previously picked up the free US Postal Service box to pack it all in.

Their fancy free boxes are like exotic cake boxes and require 5 thumbs and 12 fingers to assemble. Somehow I managed to get the bubble wrapped contents, ensconced in the box, fold up the flat cardboard into the desire box-like shape, (after only 5 tries) peel off the tape strip, which was thoughtfully attached to the box, and stick the whole mess together.

Surprisingly, it looked very neat and professionally done (in under two hours). I put the correct address on it and it was imperative I get it in the mail immediately, despite the storm raging outside.

By the way, I'm camping out at a friend's house until I become un-homeless. My friend yelled "WAIT! I have an envelope for you to mail too!"

I waited another 20 minutes while he got his check, envelope and postage ready. He couldn't find the address to the place where he has mailed a check to for the past 6 years, so I had a delay while he searched the Internet and finally called someone located in India who told him in broken English, the correct US address.

Apparently customer service for many companies has strangely moved to India, presumably because the wages are cheaper and the lawsuits non-existent.

Go figure.

The storm was decidedly worse with a tornado warning, 30-40 mile per hour winds and driving rains. Luckily the post office was only a mile away and they had a drive-through. With the box addressed and stamped plus ditto for the envelope, I thought I could brave the torrential mess and make it back alive.

Ha!

I was nearly killed!

It was one of those things where folks would have scratched their heads and wondered "WHY was Dear Miss Mermaid run over flat in the middle of a six lane highway during a storm, wearing pajamas?"

I am sure it would have puzzled them for eons.

OK, it wasn't exactly pajamas, (but I do sleep in them) and therefore think them inappropriate for outside wear. My friend had gifted me with sweat pants and a sweat shirt one day when I was shaking from the cold uncontrollably. They make great pajamas and house wear. I see folks out and about in their sweat pants and sweat shirt, but somehow, I just didn't have the nerve to do that.

Until today.

I was all snuggled up in my oversized sweat pants and sweat shirt, plus some fur lined moccasins shod on my feet (mermaids grow feet if they are too far from the ocean too long) and I thought if I dashed out to the clunker of a junker (my latest mode of transport) and only drove straight to the post office drive-through and back, all would be fine and no one would know.

THANK GOODNESS, I decided to put on a long Trench Coat.

Just in case.

Besides my clunker of a junker takes a long time to heat up, and I didn't want to be cold, even for a short ride. This trench coat is long and toasty warm and somewhat impervious to water. The sleeves are a little too long, but as long as my fingers can grip the steering wheel, I was happy for the warm wrists.

So I battled the elements, the chilling rains coming down by the bucketfuls, and prayed the tornado warnings were meant for everybody but me, and set out to drive the one mile to the post office, which included two traffic lights and two turns. After 22 years of driving on the left, I chant to myself "drive on the right, drive on the right" as I go down the road.

Which by the way, did you hear about the tornado that flattened the avocado trees, then tore up the tomato patch and devastated the potato crop? They called it the avocado potato tomato tornado", as it flung tomatoes, dirt laden potatoes, and unripened avocados all over town. (If you're bored, try saying "avocado potato tomato tornado" as fast as you can ten times!)

Anyhow...

I was so proud that I remembered to go through the sneaky entrance-only and not the exit. You can't see the sneaky entrance-only, to the post office until it's too late and many end up entering the exit-only. I know because when I went to pick up my free box, I ended up in the exit-only, but no one was there to scold me, so I snuck right in and parked before anyone could yell at me.

But on this wet and showery day, I sailed right through the entrance-only, headed for the exit-only where the drive-through mail boxes are located and all was going well until I stopped at the drive by mail box.

It was high. I mean real high! I mean if I had been driving a huge 18 wheel tractor trailer, then I might have been able to reach the drive through mail box easily. It was pouring rain as I reversed and then drove forward again, skimming the heavy concrete curb, to line up with the box again. It was taller than my clunker of a junker! I listened to the window hiss as the electric motor let it down, and I stretched my arm until I thought it would pop right out of my socket, and I was able to dump the small box and the letter down the chute to the mail box.

I was immensely proud of this feat, in spite of the fact, a gallon of water had just run down the sleeve of my trench coat and deposited icy cold water into my armpit, when a sudden gale came out of nowhere and snatched the letter right out of the mail chute and sent it flying in front of my windshield, then deposited it somewhere in front of my clunker of a junker.

I gasped!

Horrors!

I couldn't just leave it there and go back and tell my friend "Sorry, your check and envelope blew away in the storm, and therefore wasn't mailed at all!"

Even worse, I might have to make a SECOND trip out into this deluge to make good on my errand, once I peeled my friend off the ceiling and got them to write a new check, find an envelope, call India for the address, and OOOPS, I just recalled, we had used their very last stamp on the errant envelope, so this just would not do at all. That would mean I would have to go get dressed so I could go inside the post office and buy another stamp. Tsk tsk tsk.

I put the clunker of a junker into neutral, yanked up the hand brake, made sure it wasn't moving forward or backwards, then tried to climb out of the car. The door hit the mailbox and only gave me a sliver to squish my body, sweat suit and trench coat through, but I made it, then I had to shut the door and walk sideways like a crab and finally I spy THE ENVELOPE in front of the clunker of a junker, inches from a massive rain puddle.

I bent over to retrieve the envelope, the engine still running, and praying silently my clunker of a junker wouldn't suddenly disengage the handbrake and mow me down, when as I swear my fingers were less than an inch from the envelope, a gust of wind picked it up and flung it out into the six lane highway in front of us.

By now, a frigid river of rain was running inside the collar of the trench coat and down my back, slowly filling up my furry moccasins. I watched with profound horror, as a car ran right over the envelope and tossed it into the median.

Now the median on this particular highway is actually what I call a "free for all" as cars and trucks can pull into the median to make left turns, or pull half way across the highway and wait in the median, until they get into a proper lane of traffic going their way. I noticed the envelope had tire treads across the back of it.

As the gullywasher continued around me in near 40 F degree weather, I darted and dashed between cars and trucks and found myself in the median, bending over, once again, to retrieve this g**d*** envelope.

I hear the screech of brakes and look up as the grill of some new exotic car slides to a stop just inches from me bent over and hovering in the median. By now, my hair is soaked, my furry moccasins are rain laden and my throat closes up and my heart stops and I get VERY dizzy. The driver of the sleek car that nearly killed me looks like something out of a bad fright movie.

Like a drunken sailor, I weave and stumble my way back through traffic, stuff the envelope into the mail chute while noting there are three cars patiently waiting behind my parked one so they can use the mail chute too.

I slither sideways between the mail box and my car, open the door and note with disdain, I have left the window down, so the interior of my clunker of a junker is just soaked, and I manage to squeeze myself between the narrow opening and back into my car seat.

I can't breathe, my head is spinning, and my heart has now jump started and is racing away faster than a reggae beat. Everything spins out of control. I sit, dripping and frozen in my clunker of a junker, waiting for air to enter my lungs before I just pass right out.

Someone behind me honks, but there is just nothing I can do. I need AIR. They beep again and I wonder why don't they just call 911 and announce a dead mermaid is blocking the mail chute?

Seconds or minutes, I don't know, I eased off the hand brake, and let the car roll to the edge of the six lane highway and stop again. Maybe this will appease the honker.

I will my lungs to OPEN up and let some air in. Finally, the the air comes, the dizziness leaves and though my heart is still pounding pretty heavily, I see an opening in traffic, so I enter the six lane highway and make it back to my friend's house in a dream like state.

At their driveway, I park and sit and watch the windows steam up. Finally I work up my nerve to brace the icy cold waterfall from the clouds and make a run for their house door.

I rapidly head for their bathroom, hang up my trench coat in the shower, put a towel around my soaked hair, and then head for their living room to stand over the heating vent and try to thaw out. I slip out of my soaked shoes and was sliding on socks when my friend walks into the room.

"What took you so long?"

"Did you mail my envelope?"




Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Shopping at Goodwill



Goodwill receives a "kind" donation: $1,500 worth of pot

By Sarah Gilbert
Dec 1st 2009

It seemed like an innocent enough donation. A Marietta, Ohio Goodwill store received a large galvanized metal water jug with a spout -- perfect to hold lemonade during some long-ago summer picnic. Yet, the jug, which was donated anonymously, wasn't holding a refreshing drink; instead, it was filled with a heady cargo of marijuana.

The weed, bagged and labeled according to weight (i.e.; 124 grams) carries a street value of $1,500, local police said, and was about a year old; leading them to conclude that the stash had been accidentally abandoned.


The police, in their thigh-slapping funny way, are asking for the anonymous donor to come forward. "If anybody would like to come in and claim this 'cooler,' which is probably an antique, we would love to have them come in and we'll be more than happy to try and get that cooler returned to them," Marietta Police Capt. Jeff Waite told Charleston, West Virginia news station WSAZ.

Unless the original owner of the pot forgot where he (or she) had stashed his, well, stash, I doubt the donor knew what was inside the ancient-looking jug; so it's unlikely the perpetrator will come forward.

Or maybe this is fodder for some slapstick home-for-Christmas movie, with Judd Apatow cast as the ne'er-do-well grandson who comes back from basic training only to discover that his grandmother has donated his beloved pot to Goodwill. Already I'm imagining the scene in the Marietta thrift store when he tries to recover his drugs by buying the jug...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey, I'm off to the Goodwill in Ohio, I want to buy that cooler and herb, and help that Charity out!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Thursday, November 26, 2009

20% Off Dear Miss Mermaid Calendars and Designs

THURSDAY NOVEMBER 26TH 2009

The folks who handle printing and shipping of Dear Miss Mermaid's 2010 Calendars (six to choose from) are offering TODAY only, 20% off ay purchases made from Dear Miss Mermaid's Treasure Chest. Calendars make a great gift for yourself and others. Everything at the Treasure Chest is 20% off today, so take a look around. You can preview the calendar pages and inspect the spectacular pictures before hand. All

Use coupon code FEAST4ME


Dear Miss Mermaid wants you to be HAPPY with your purchases and offers this;

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HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

A Thanksgiving Feast At The Rock Café

A Thanksgiving Feast
At The Rock Café
Virgin Gorda
British Virgin Islands

The Classic Soup
Carrots, pumpkin, orange and ginger zest
***
November Salad
Fresh baby spinach, green apples, crispy bacon,
dressed with delicious lemon/Dijon vinagrette
***
Herb-Roasted Turkey
With Pacific Northwest stuffing
&
The ultimate potatoes au gratin
and sweet peppers “Peperonata”
***
Dessert
Rich Rustic Apple Tarte

******
Complimentary glass of :
Pinot Bianco Fornitz – Italy, 2008
or
Cabernet Fornitz – Italy, 2008

******

Price per person: $55.00

Menu a la carte & fresh lobster also available

******

LIVE WORLD CLASS ENTERTAINMENT at THE PIANO BAR from the US
DAINA DE PREZ

For Reservation: +1-284-495-5482

Happy Turkey Day!


A big thank you for a beautiful Jacquie Lawson card from my gentle readers, Linda and Jack. I am sharing it with you here, ENJOY!

Check out my bikini Turkey recipe, complete with more pics!


Some of my other recipes:


Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving

A big thank you to Jim who sent me this card I wish to share with you all!



A Friend Is Like A Good Bra

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra.. .
Hard to Find...
Supportive....
Comfortable...
Always Lifts You Up...
Never Lets You Down, or Leaves You Hanging,
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subject: Ladies Public Restrooms

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.

Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!

The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.

You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless(Gosh, I should have gone to the gym!) thigh muscles begin to shake.

You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.

The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.

"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious,tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.

It is wet of course.

You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper- not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.

The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.

You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.

You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them.

A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly,"Here, you just might need this".

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.

Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!



Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Keep Dear Miss Mermaid Writing

Dear Miss Mermaid is fervently working on 3 more books, yes 3! But the only way to keep her writing is to support her tuna addiction by buying her books or calendars or graphic designs available on various products including apparel and housewares. Otherwise Dear Miss Mermaid has to go get an outside job flipping burgers or something to support her writing addiction. Your support gets more books out on the market sooner and for this, she is eternally grateful!

Save yourself time, gas and stress, shop from your computer for Christmas, wrap and tag your gifts, and call it a "done deal!"

For Christmas gifts you have several bargains to choose from on buying Dear Miss Mermaid's latest book "Hurricanes and Hangovers (and other tall tales and loose lies from the coconut telegraph)"

It makes a GREAT gift for anyone who likes to laugh! One size fits all!

OPTION ONE
Buy 2 or more books from Amazon and get FREE SHIPPING

OPTION TWO
Buy direct from Dear Miss Mermaid through Amazon and get $1 off (pay $14.99 instead of $15.99 for the book, this is for you folks that are feeling the pinch and need a break)

OPTION THREE
Get a copy SIGNED BY THE AUTHOR and shipped by Dear Miss Mermaid through Amazon for $17.99 (the extra $2 goes towards the hospital bills, see the July and August blog links at bottom of page for hospital details)

ALL order ship WORLDWIDE!

Also note that, once you use any of these links to enter Amazon, anything else you buy at Amazon (the same day) provides Dear Miss Mermaid a small referral commission.

Shop for 2010 Calendars designed by Dear Miss Mermaid and on sale through CafePress.Com/DearMissMermaid . Choose from six designs that include stunning photographs, a different one for each month. You can even preview all the photos before buying. All calendars ship worldwide, as do the numerous other products available there too.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Bet This Pilot Needs New Undies Now



Bad Bad Parrot!

The old ones are the best !!!

John received an older parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. In desperation, John threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I please ask what that turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

dearmissmermaid.com


Hilarious Cat and Cop Video

The cat tried everything to keep this cop from writing a ticket!





Painful Times


Sometimes the waves of pain hit. I can't think, my mind is filled with pain. Due to the numerous harmful effects of prescription pain killers, I avoid them unless I am screaming uncontrollably.

I have bottles of the stuff, and I try to leave it in the bottle. Many cause kidney and liver damages, so I don't want to add insult to injury, if at all possible.

But sometimes the hurt is overwhelming and all I can do is stop what I am doing and focus on breathing exercises and chanting until the physical annoyance subsides. Sometimes this makes me incredibly sleepy and sleep is a great way to ease pain too. But if you are out in public, this can pose a serious problem.

Once the pain is gone, I get on with life! I am grateful to be alive today and tremendously thankful for the times I am pain free.

I recently got stuck in the back of a large discount store. I was suddenly in so much pain, my head was swimming and I was fighting the urge to just scream out loud! I frantically looked around the huge store for a place to sit and was trying to make my way to the restrooms and sit there if need be, though it's not that comfy, if you don't really need the toilet, as many public bathrooms don't have a place to sit except the toilet.

Thank goodness I had a rolling buggy cat with me, as I was leaning heavily on it while I searched for a place to rest before I just passed right out.

The angels must have been watching me and carefully steered me to the only place to sit in the entire humongous store: a cheap dining set that was on display. I quickly pulled out a chair and sat down. I began my breathing exercises and inner chanting, until the pain subsided.

Years ago, I spent a small fortune with a legitimate hypnotist who taught me a great deal about pain management. I won't go into the whole detail here, but basically, I focus on an object and think of a very pleasant area (it's the same place each time) while I silently chant over and over until the pain is gone.

It works, but it takes time and focusing, hence staring at one object and clearing out the brain. Thinking of the pleasant place, brings on a flood of good feelings, while I chant to myself silently over and over, which also clears the brain. Basically, I am telling my brain to cease all functions except eliminating the pain. The brain is a powerful tool that many of us woefully under use. By trying to chase out all other thoughts, I then try to channel all my brain power into eliminating the pain.

It's not easy, but it works!

After awhile, in the store, consciousness came back to me and I became aware that other shoppers were passing by me with strange looks pointed at me, which embarrassed me. I grew up in the old south and blush at the tiniest indiscretion.

I needed to rest a few more minutes, to regather my strength to get out of the store and into the car and home again. Well at least to my temporary home, where I could rest without worry.

I began studying the table, rubbing my hands on it. I pulled out pen and paper and pretended to scribble down notes. I squeezed the padding of the chairs and made a scribble and so on. Now the shoppers were ignoring me. Then I discovered on a pole behind me was the computer price checker thingy. So I slid my chair over and began pulling things out of my cart and beeping them through, whenever a shopper appeared on my aisle.

An employee never turned up, thankfully, but if they had, I would have had to tell them the truth, I was feeling quite ill and just needed to sit for a few minutes. I noticed all their other furniture, sofas, chairs and so on, were on high shelves, so you could look at them but not sit on them. I can't imagine buying sitting furniture and not being able to sit on it first, but I guess that's how the discount stores do it. I don't know, I wasn't shopping for furniture.

So today, I started on my projects and then keep getting interrupted by the pain, but I stop, do my thing, and the pain goes away, then I go back to work.



Saturday, November 21, 2009

Big Favor to Ask my Readers

If you have read my book, please think about posting a Review at Amazon. I can not post my own reviews, so while I greatly appreciate any reviews you email me directly with, I'm not allowed to post them at Amazon, only you can.

To post a review, click on the advertisement. Thank you VERY much!



Marooned

I haven't written much at all about what's happened to Dear Miss Mermaid...

She set off traveling 6 or 7 weeks ago. She had one of her trusted buddies with her; a cat who has resided with her for about 9 years. They were planning to acquire and old used motorhome and go on a book tour (promoting and selling books and finishing up the next book).

In sailor terms:
She set sail and on the final leg of the first day's journey, the mermaid's cat of 9 years, escaped. He is presumed alive and living among pirates. DMM detoured and searched fervently then she ended up marooned far inland, about 60 miles from where the cat vanished, also inland.

To find the putty-tat, she bought a wreck of a car (which was not the original intended mode of travel) and began traveling back to the area searching for the errant feline to no avail. Yes, it's a running wreck, banged up and only 20 years old, but the engine runs great.

DMM became seriously ill again, and further physical searches for the pussy cat temporarily ceased although a few neighborhood posters were put up, the neighborhood is very rural with few places to post at all.

Meanwhile, to aid in finding the errant cat, DMM offered a reward, utilized an automated fee-paid phone call alert service, attempted to hire a cat tracker, posted numerous Internet ads, bought newspaper ads in 8 newspapers, posted neighborhood posters and mailed out 1,000 custom printed postcards offering a reward for the kitty cat.

And still no critter.

Meanwhile, a very sad and lonely DMM continues to be marooned, on a friend's sofa, while she recuperates, looks for the missing feline and contemplates her future. Previously, a friend donated two stuffed kitties to keep her company in the hospital, and they are still keeping stoic company with her now.

None of this was in the original plans, when DMM set out. Searching for the beloved cat, has turned out to be expensive and practically eliminated the traveling kitty (funding) as well.

You plan one thing, then something else entirely different happens.

I guess that's called life.

DMM is working on plan B, that life might have to go on, even with the cat missing in action and this has been one tough pill to swallow that Dear Miss Mermaid just spits right back up. She refuses to give up hope or searching for the lost cat. 51 days and counting.

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ON SALE, Ships Worldwide:

Designs by Dear Miss Mermaid including 2010 Calendars (Numerous novelty gifts to choose from.)




Thursday, November 19, 2009

No Email for Dear Miss Mermaid!

I haven't been able to access my email or computer for a few days now. First AOL started randomly crashing, then my laptop computer crashed. Granted it is old technology, for economic reasons, I need to slug away with it as long as possible. I can't just rush out and buy a new computer, when I have all these medical bills looming heavily over my head.

I've always paid my bills, but this medical nightmare has really thrown a monkey wrench into things. Income went down, bills went up and suddenly things are a mess.

Also, I was working part-time for a company that saw my sudden hospitalization as a reason not to pay me my back earnings. Shame on them! I continue to try to collect, and they continue to try to dodge me.

Sooooooooo.......... if you read my blogs and wonder why I haven't been able to update, it's because some of my blogs are email driven and some are not. Either way I need a computer to write.

I am trying to uninstall AOL and the install their new 9.5 version and see if that helps. My current version doesn't seem to work at all, possibly because my computer crashed a lot lately.

Oh my goodness, please don't force me into widows Vista. I've worked with it and found it horrible and don't wish to work with it again.