Not a creature was stirring, but many fans were purring
I was asleep on my boat, when suddenly I awoke
I heard a bang, and then a clang!
I sprang out of my bunk, colliding with a furry hunk
Rudolf! The Red Nose Reindeer! How are you, my dear?
Need some sunscreen? Or would you like ice cream?
Oh, dear, he sighed, listen here, he cried!
Santa was sloshing in eggnog, his mind was off and in a fog
Since it still wasn't day, he leaned over the sleigh
To take a quick leak, since his bladder was weak
His eyes were a little blurry, but he spotted something furry
With a wink in his eye, he exclaimed in the sky
From way up in the air, I can see her hair!
Why, I've never been laid, by a Caribbean mermaid!
But oh dear me! Santa jumped, in the sea! But that's not all, this is why I call
Santa was swallowed by a great big fish, who thought he was a Christmas dish!
I don't know what happened to the mermaid, but I don't think Santa's gonna get laid!
We need him back at the North Pole, not in a fish, swallowed whole!
Rudolf, I said, don't despair, at least it wasn't a big black bear
Let me take you fishing, I know that you been wishing
For a Caribbean holiday, to come your way!
We went out in my boat, where on the sea we did float
We baited our hook, we wanted that crook
That big nasty old fish, who thought Santa was a dish
Finally we caught him with our bait, with Santa inside, he was a great weight!
We made that hideous fish, grant us our wish
And with a great heave, out popped Santa's sleeve
He came out of that great fish body, only just a little wobbly
He had this awful smell, it turned the reindeer almost pale!
We dried off old St Nick, and we did it quick
We didn't want him to say Achoo! As if he may of caught the flue!
We got back into port, cooking up the fish for sport
That one big fish, made a fine Christmas dish
Off the reindeer, they did fly, with Santa Claus way up high
Back in my bunk where I was laying, I could still hear Santa saying
Merry Christmas to all, I'm having a ball, that big old fish, made one fine dish
But listen here, when I come back next year, I hope I get laid, by that Caribbean Mermaid!