Friday, December 18, 2009

A Whale of a Christmas Tale

A Whale of a Christmas Tale
By
Dear Miss Mermaid

Twas the Night Before Christmas, and all through the Caribbean
Not a creature was stirring, but many fans were purring
I was asleep on my boat, when suddenly I awoke
I heard a bang, and then a clang!

I sprang out of my bunk, colliding with a furry hunk
Rudolf! The Red Nose Reindeer! How are you, my dear?
Need some sunscreen? Or would you like ice cream?
Oh, dear, he sighed, listen here, he cried!

Santa was sloshing in eggnog, his mind was off and in a fog
Since it still wasn't day, he leaned over the sleigh
To take a quick leak, since his bladder was weak
His eyes were a little blurry, but he spotted something furry

With a wink in his eye, he exclaimed in the sky
From way up in the air, I can see her hair!
Why, I've never been laid, by a Caribbean mermaid!
But oh dear me! Santa jumped, in the sea! But that's not all, this is why I call

Santa was swallowed by a great big fish, who thought he was a Christmas dish!
I don't know what happened to the mermaid, but I don't think Santa's gonna get laid!
We need him back at the North Pole, not in a fish, swallowed whole!
Rudolf, I said, don't despair, at least it wasn't a big black bear

Let me take you fishing, I know that you been wishing
For a Caribbean holiday, to come your way!
We went out in my boat, where on the sea we did float
We baited our hook, we wanted that crook

That big nasty old fish, who thought Santa was a dish
Finally we caught him with our bait, with Santa inside, he was a great weight!
We made that hideous fish, grant us our wish
And with a great heave, out popped Santa's sleeve

He came out of that great fish body, only just a little wobbly
He had this awful smell, it turned the reindeer almost pale!
We dried off old St Nick, and we did it quick
We didn't want him to say Achoo! As if he may of caught the flue!

We got back into port, cooking up the fish for sport
That one big fish, made a fine Christmas dish
Off the reindeer, they did fly, with Santa Claus way up high
Back in my bunk where I was laying, I could still hear Santa saying

Merry Christmas to all, I'm having a ball, that big old fish, made one fine dish
But listen here, when I come back next year, I hope I get laid, by that Caribbean Mermaid!
******
copyright 1998 by Dear Miss Mermaid


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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Christmas Carols for Racing Sailors

 For the Sailors and Racers, I offer up these wonderful tunes, rewritten for Christmas:
# 1. ( Sing to the tune , "Jingle Bells" )
Hard a- lee hard a-lee ,
Tacking all the way .
Oh what fun it is to ride -
a High Performance sleigh - eeee
Spectra here , Carbon there,
what fun to spend the buck.
Dollars make us win today.
Hey ! nothings left to luck
OOOOOOOh !
Hard a-lee, hard a-lee
winning is the way,
Dig really deep my sailor friend,
If you want to play-eeee
Melges here , J boat there
See how fast they go,
If you want to get a first
spend money , don't cha know.
# 2. ( Sing to the tune of " O christmas tree " also know as " O Tannenbaum"
O, wooden boat! my wooden boat!
It is my hope you stay afloat ,
O, worms and rot, I want you not,
There's bottom paint on , coat by coat.
I varnished here
I varnished there
I used brushes of - the finest hair.
O, Wooden boat! my wooden boat!
All this up-keep gets my goat.
# 3. ( Sing to the tune " O little town of Bethlehem " )
Oh little boat of fiber-glass,
How still I see thee lie.
With blisters on your bottomside,
the size of an apple pie.
But in the dark wet brewing,
delamination grows .
Neglected years, the owner's tears,
West System Epox-y-ose !
# 4. (Sing to the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas" ) (for you non racers, a big fast DNS is a racing term for "did not start")
On the first day of racing , my new crew brought to me
A big fat D-eeee N S.
On the second day of racing , my new crew brought to me
Two tangled sheets and a big fat D-eee N S
On the third day of racing , my new crew brought to me
Three bad tacks , two tangled sheets and a big fat D-eee N S.
On the fourth day of racing my , new crew brought to me ...
four spinnaker wraps , three bad tacks , two tangled sheets and a big fat D-eee N S
On the fifth day of racing , my new crew brought to me ,...
Five accidental jibes .... four spinnaker wraps , three bad tacks, two tangled sheets and a big Fat D-eee N S..
On the sixth day of racing , my new crew brought to me.
Six winches back wound, Five accidental jibes ,four spinnaker wraps , three bad tacks, two tangled sheets and a big Fat D-eee N S..
On the seventh day of racing, my new crew brought to me..
Seven sea-sick throw ups, Six winches back wound, Five accidental jibes ,four spinnaker wraps , three bad tacks, two tangled sheets and a big Fat D-eee N S..
On the eighth day of racing, my new crew brought to me..
Eight beers a -drinking, Seven sea-sick throw ups, Six winches back wound Five accidental jibes ,four spinnaker wraps , three bad tacks, two tangled sheets and a big Fat D-eee N S..
On the Ninth day of racing , my new crew brought to me ..
Nine winch handles swimming, Eight beers a -drinking, Seven sea-sick throw ups, Six winches back wound, Five accidental jibes ,four spinnaker wraps , three bad tacks, two tangled sheets and a big Fat D-eee N S.
on the tenth day of racing , my new crew brought to me ....
Ten halyards let loose, Nine winch handles swimming, Eight beers a -drinking, Seven sea-sick throw ups, Six winches back wound, Five accidental jibes ,four spinnaker wraps , three bad tacks, two tangled sheets and a big Fat D-eee N S.
On the Eleventh day of racing , my new crew brought to me ..
Eleven Chute poles broken, Ten halyards let loose, Nine winch handles swimming, Eight beers a -drinking, Seven sea-sick throw ups, Six winches back wound, Five accidental jibes ,four spinnaker wraps , three bad tacks, two tangled sheets and a big Fat D-eee N S.
On the Twelth day of racing , my new crew brought to me ....
Twelve headsails overboard, Eleven Chute poles broken, Ten halyards let loose, Nine winch handles swimming, Eight beers a -drinking, Seven sea-sick throw ups, Six winches back wound, Five accidental jibes, four spinnaker wraps , three bad tacks, two tangled sheets and a big Fat D-eee N S.

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Merry C hristmas from
DearMissMermaid.com

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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

News from the British Virgin Islands

BVI to Get New Governor in August 2010
Platinum News Online
The Office of the Governor here in the
British Virgin Islands (BVI) has announced that Mr. William Boyd McCleary has been officially chosen to serve as the ...

Premier pays tribute to Chef Kramer
BVI News Online
BY PRESS RELEASE Virgin Gorda,
British Virgin Islands (December 14, 2009): At a special dinner held last night, Sunday, December 13, 2009 at the historic ...

Tourist board shares recent arrival statistics
BVI News Online
BY PRESS RELEASE Road Town, Tortola, December 14, 2009 – The
British Virgin Islands Tourist Board (BVITB) recently received tourist arrival statistics from ...

Sailtime Sailing British Virgin Islands | Sailing Holiday
By admin
Sailing in the
BVI, Sailtime flotilla. For more information on sailing and fractional sailboat ownership options visit www.sailtime.com … sail boat sailing boating ocean water lake ship ships world yachts caribbean race vacation ...

Details on the bvi full moon lunacy party at bomba's surfside shack on tortola in the british virgin islands, magic 'shrooms (how to grow) online(http://reservationsbvi.com/bomba/index.html)

2 Gringos in the Caribbean: The Busman's Holiday...
Dec 13, 2009 ... This is the British Virgin Islands and as such a completely ..... to a neat place called Christmas Cove where we anchored for the night. ...

Endless Summer 8 pax 72' mono still available for NEW YEARS in the ...
Endless Summer 8 pax 72' mono still available for NEW YEARS in the BVI ...

\


Yuletide Log by Dear Miss Mermaid

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Stressed out? Spend 3 minutes with this video and you will feel instantly refreshed. Dear Miss Mermaid guarantees it.

In the bottom right corner of the video, the second button from the right will allow you to view this full screen.

At the bottom of this post (beneath the video) you can click on the little envelope and email your friends this link, so they too, can enjoy peace on earth.

Merry Christmas, Enjoy this Video Gift from Dear Miss Mermaid



You can have your very own dowload of this video. Right click on this link then SAVE.

Embed on your own website. (This will take you to the youtube version which will give you embedding options)

Peace on Earth from Dear Miss Mermaid





Monday, December 14, 2009

Christmas Carols for the Disturbed

* 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

* 2.
Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

* 3.
Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

* 4.
Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

* 5.
Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

* 6.
Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

* 7.
Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

* 8.
Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

* 9.
Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

* 10.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --Jingle Be lls, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells....



How to Make Bedroom Slippers for Christmas

My dear friends,

Somewhat embarrassing to admit, I'm not getting an annual bonus and Christmas is tight this year. I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. You'll most likely agree that it's a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I've included the instructions below:

How to make bedroom slippers:

You need four maxi pads to make a pair. Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part. The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top. Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part. Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers or Christmas doo-dads.

These slippers are:

  • Soft and Hygienic
  • Non-slip grip strips on the soles
  • Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
  • No more bending over to mop up spills
  • Disposable and biodegradable
  • Environmentally safe

I've attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you can see the nifty slippers for yourself.

Fun Quotes



A wise man once said; "Look on life as an apple the more you eat the less you have,but if you don't eat it it will spoil so you have to throw it away, so make sure you enjoy your life to the fullest.

Bumper Sticker: No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.

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One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks.-Jack Penn


Sailing the Virgin Islands in 1966

This web page has moved to here.

News from the Virgin Islands

Life in the islands; very relaxed, t'ings are often on hold...
Repairs on Sabbath Hill Reservoir on hold
BVI News Online
BY PRESS RELEASE Road Town, Tortola, VI (9th December, 2009) – The Water and Sewerage Department recently announced the repair of the slab at the Sabbath ...

Celebrating Christmas Fungi Style!
Platinum News Online
"The sustainability of fungi music in the British Virgin Islands depends primarily on our commitment to the preservation of our cultural heritage. ...

Spanish Town Stirs Christmas Spirit in VG
Platinum News Online
BVI Platinum News caught up with some vendors who expressed disappointment over the purchasing will of patrons at the event this year. ...

island sailing - British Virgin Islands
Buitifull, dilightfull,scenic, wonderfull, magic,peacfull,excelant. What more can I say about my Islands Paradise that I discovered in my yacht. Away from the noise the fast lane of western city life living in this stess free,friendly ...

Adventures of a Gypsy Pirate Wench!: I'm shipping off!
By Jolea
That's where the pink flamingos live and it's one of the BVI's I haven't been to yet. I don't know anyone who has been there actually. You can only get there by private boat or sea plane. It's a low lying coral island like Key West, ...






Saturday, December 12, 2009

East Jesus, Slab City

"Clearly, anyone who forsakes running water but keeps a grand piano around is a dedicated musician."

Quote from a blog about a Slab City resident. (Slab City has no utilities and residents must make do with self-contained motorhomes, trailers or camping out in the rough.)

I love pianos! The blogster even posted a picture of the piano and the musician at this link. All of her photos are rather stunning.




Snorkelig the Virgin Islands at Hull Bay

I used to have some fun times at Hull Bay and the Hull Bay Hideaway!






Friday, December 11, 2009

Free Shipping through Dec 13th

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Thursday, December 10, 2009

More News from the Virgin Islands



http://www.google.com/url?sa=X&q=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/othersports/sailing/6771503/Geoff-Holt-on-solo-mission-to-become-first-disabled-sailor-to-cross-Atlantic.html&ct=ga&cd=fmwoL3CMtVY&usg=AFQjCNGDeu9V0v8PoX3ErTN9S6ehum4PHg
Telegraph.co.uk
Geoff Holt on solo mission to become first disabled sailor to cross Atlantic
Telegraph.co.uk
If Geoff Holt makes it to Cane Garden Bay in Tortola in January, his log book won't just chronicle the usual steep seas and ghastly storms but the key ...

Geoff Holt to set off tomorrow - Yachts and Yachting Online
It seems right to sail back to Cane Garden Bay in Tortola in the British Virgin Islands as this is where I had my accident. I will be returning as a quadriplegic yachtsman and it is a personal challenge where I feel I will be closing ...

Broker Report: Tortola Charter Show
Charter broker Kathleen Mullen of Regency Yacht Vacations discusses the 2009 Tortola charter yacht show.

Tortola PDF | Download Free Ebook Tortola
Media Kit: Tortola. City Centre And Island Of Mystery. BRITISH VIRGIN ISLANDS – Rising from the Technicolor tides as the anchor island of the British Virgin ...

A trip down memory lane!
Flying Cloud Windjammer Virgin Islands 2000 pictures from ...
Scanned photos of a Windjammer cruise on the Flying Cloud thru the Virgin Islands in 2000. this ...Windjammer Legacy BVI 2006 · Windjammer Legacy Part 2 ...


Don't forget to buy your 2010 Virgin Islands Calendars by Dear Miss Mermaid!


Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Lots of Fun Links From Dear Miss Mermaid

DearMissMermaid.Com Entrance to Home Page

About That Ocean

Children say the darnedest things...


1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.
(Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.(Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)