Sunday, October 03, 2010

My Cat is Going to Be Arrested by the FBI



If you use the internet, then you are reading this and you probably know all about annoying spam emails; those relentless folks that think you want to hear from them about their various offers. 


Many folks have suggested I start a newsletter to attract and maintain readers. I figure no one want more spam email, as I end up on newsletter lists without ever signing up for them. Sometimes I get way behind in my emails, because I am trying to sort out the junk from the real emails. 


AOL, my main email account, thankfully, presorts most of it out for me.  


Which by the way, you can subscribe to receive my postings in your email and unsubscribe at any time. All this does is give you the option of reading this blog through email rather than through this website. I never sign anyone one up, you have to sign yourself up if you want it. (See the bottom of the post for information.)


Anyhow, as many of you know, numerous websites require you to enter an email address in order to have an account or read their website. So I opened up an account in my Cat's name years ago, so I could use that for all these nosy websites. They in turn apparently often use that email address to send a ton of junk to my cat. 


Needless to say, my cat gets a load of emails, about 2,000 per month. I periodically go to his account to retrieve a password for some such website or to clear out the junk. 


However, when I flew from the Caribbean to America, my cat traveled with me and was tragically lost in Blacksburg, South Carolina. I have cried a bucket of tears and spent a small fortune hunting for him, to no avail.  It sent me into a huge funk of depression.  


Now the FBI is going to find my cat and arrest him!  I would be THRILLED to go bail him out of jail and have him back in my arms again.

Here is the email my cat received today from someone claiming to be with the FBI:  (you can scroll to the bottom to read about them arresting my cat!)


Federal Bureau of InvestigationLinks to FBI home page, site map and Frequently asked questions
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION,
INTERNATIONAL INVESTIGATIONS DEPARTMENT,
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVE, NW
WASHINGTON, DC 20535
WEBSITE: http://www.fbi.gov



RE: FINAL NOTIFICATION FOR REQUIRED DOCUMENTS - CASE NUMBER 698371/HF/65


ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY


The Federal Bureau of Investigation is hereby issuing this final notification in regards to your pending international transaction which was tendered to our department for investigation by our International Monitoring System (I.M.S). A transaction for the amount of $800,000.00 US Dollars has been successfully verified to be derived from the Federal Ministry of Finance, Nigeria as a compensation for fraudulent act committed by a Nigerian citizen.

The sum of $800,000.00 US Dollars has been approved by their office to be dispatched via Chase Bank, USA in form of a Certified Cashier's Check and is pending delivery due to lack of the following required documents:

(1) IMF CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE
(2) I.R.S APPROVAL CERTIFICATE

Your present agent in-charge has been discharged off this transaction due to lack of vital details in regards to the appropriate owner of this e-mail address, therefore you are IMMEDIATELY advised to STOP all communications between you and your previous agent. Failure to seize/halt communication shall lead to IMMEDIATE transaction termination.

The above requested documents can ONLY be obtained by your new appointed agent, Mr. Chijoke David. The above mentioned documents would cost you as the beneficiary the sum of $350 US Dollars which shall ONLY be made payable to Mr. Chijoke David. The Federal Bureau of Investigation is hereby authorizing you to complete the payment of $350.00 US Dollars to the following information below via Western Union Money Transfer:

NAME OF RECEIVER: CHIJOKE DAVID
CITY: KADUNA
STATE: KADUNA
COUNTRY: NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION: FOR WHO?
ANSWER: DAVID
AMOUNT TO SEND: $350.00 US DOLLARS

You as the beneficiary will be required to make the above payment within a maximum time frame of 4 hours upon receipt of this e-mail, the Certified Check has already been submitted to Chase Bank for payment AFTER the above mentioned documents have been provided to us by Mr. Chijoke David. Due to the fact that the payment record has entered the United States of America, failure to obtain the requested documents from Mr. Chijoke David will lead to an immediate lawsuit against you for conducting an illegal transaction without the IMF Approval and IRS tax clearance.

Once you have completed the payment of $350 to Mr. Chijoke David, you shall be required to contact him with the following details below:

FIRST AND LAST NAME:
ADDRESS:
CITY:
STATE:
ZIP CODE:
PHONE NUMBER:
10 DIGIT MTCN CONTROL NUMBER THAT WILL BE GIVEN ON THE RECEIPT:

His contact details are below:
APPROVED AGENT NAME: MR. CHIJOKE DAVID
CONTACT E-MAIL ADDRESS: chijoke.david@gala.net
CONTACT PHONE NUMBER: +234 80 54 444 571


Immediately the payment has been received by him, the requested documents shall be generated within 4 hours after payment receipt. You have ONLY 4 hours to comply with the above request as a copy of this letter has been issued to the following departments:

CC:

Supreme Court of the United States of America
U. S. Courts of Appeals
U. S. District Courts
U. S. Circuit Courts
Courts of Special Jurisdiction:
Bankruptcy Courts
Court of Claims, 1855 - 1982
U. S. Court of Federal Claims, 1982 -
Customs Court, 1890 - 1980
U. S. Court of Customs and Patent Appeals, 1910 - 1982
U. S. Court of International Trade, 1980 -
Commerce Court, 1910 - 1913
Territorial Courts
Courts of the District of Columbia
Temporary Emergency Court of Appeals
Judicial Panel on Multi-District Litigation
Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court
Federal Courts Outside the Judiciary

A legal warrant authorizing your arrest shall be issued if you do not comply with our request as nobody is above the law.

Signed,

Jacob Shuatt,
Special Agent,
Federal Bureau of Investigation.
Ahoy!
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1 comment:

I read every comment and publish all but spam and hate mail.

If you're an anonymous user, I hope you remember to include your name or nickname in the comment box so I have a clue.

Thank you for commenting. I love hearing from you!