Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I'm An Idiot

Waste not want not. For the past three days, I have had a scoop of cranberry sauce with each and every  meal.  Breakfast, lunch and dinner. 


See it was dark thirty when I woke up to make coffee. I need milk in my coffee because it is so strong, but the fridge was bare.  In my sleepy state I rummaged around the pantry cabinet until I found a can of evaporated milk. How delightful! My coffee would taste wonderful.  I poured a cup of java then opened up the can of milk with a church key. It was a gooey red!  Ugh!


That woke me up for sure. Why is my milk gooey and red?  A check of the can revealed I had opened up a dented can of  cranberry sauce leftover from the holidays.  Oh dear me. I tasted the coffee without milk. Ugh!  Not ready for that either. I don't use those non-dairy creamers, I mean what's the point?  I use milk because I want calcium and vitamin D and it cuts the sharp taste of the very strong coffee I tend to make. I once read the label of a non-dairy creamer. It appeared to be the ingredients for a dangerous science project, not something I wished to ingest. Finally I found the last can of evaporated milk. I read and reread the label then opened it up. Whew!  Cafe au lait never tasted so good as it did that morning. 




 Sunset on the prairie is just awesome some days. That tiny bright white light is actually a car that is over a mile away.  
 So why am I showing you my old heap of a jeep car tag from the Virgin Islands?  
Because recently, the car tag and I were reunited!  My dear friend had been holding on to my old heap of a jeep car tags, claiming she was going to come visit me and deliver them in person. For two years, I have eagerly awaited her arrival. But alas, one day the car tags came in the mail, without my dear friend.


So, just for grins and giggles, I have stuck that tag on the front of my wheel estate. What fun!  In the background is a bad moon arising. Remember the Creedence Clearwater Revival Song?  


Full moons on Tortola in the Virgin islands were always celebrated at the Bomba Shack. Live bands played while we danced in the sand on the beach, drinking shroom tea and rum libations. That shroom tea sure makes the moon oh so colorful!  Certain herbs could be smelled in the air. Folks were flirty and happy. I went to the full moon parties and danced away in the sand under the moon, most months,  if I was off work that night. 


I tried to capture the full moon in the picture above, rising in the sky at dusky o'clock. The weird T thing on my roof, is the built-in TV antenna that cranks up. I recently acquired a TV.  I can't decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Oh my gosh, the propaganda they push in your face on TV is incredible. The commercials are overbearing, the news obsessive and overly sensational. I have to mute them, for fear they will brainwash me. Once the news comes on, I turn it off, or else I will get depressed like everyone else. 


My favorite show is Judge Judy. She makes me laugh!  When she tries to be dead serious, she comes off as hilarious. When she tries to be funny, the delivery is all wrong and she would be booed out of a comedy club. 


Most of the time the TV is off (unless Judge Judy is on).  I'm afraid if I watch TV very much, my brain will rot. But I need a good laugh everyday and Judge Judy unfailingly delivers that six days a week in this locale. Weather permitting. 


I once saw her yacht in the Virgin Islands. All her crew members were young and nice looking. It was aptly named "Her Honor".  You can charter the yacht for around $20,000 per day plus expenses. Keep in mind that includes the crew but not the 50 gallon an hour fuel costs. Of course some of that fuel is used for running the generators.  


Some Judge Judy-isms:



Judge Judy: That must be the S.O.D.D.I. principle: "Some Other Dude Done It." 


Judge Judy: Sir, the table didn't have three beers and then get up and move! 


Judge Judy: Who are you? 
Witness: I'm here for pain and suffering. 
Judge Judy: Yours or mine? 


Judge Judy: Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining. (Judge Judy has a book out titled the same.)


Judge Judy: Do you come from a long line of idiots? 


Judge Judy: Don't look up at the heavens. God is not going to help you with this case. Only the truth will set you free. 


Judge Judy: The only attitude I tolerate around here is my own! You speak, then I rule, and after that you shut up. Do you understand? 


Judge Judy: For what I'd like to say right now, I wish we were on cable... I'm not gonna waste another second on this case. Between the two of you, I doubt I could put together a three-digit IQ. 



Judge Judy:  Sir?  Do you and your wife have children?
Defendant:  No.
Judge Judy:  Then don't! You're both idiots!

3 comments:

  1. Judge Judy: Uh is not a word sir!!
    Oh how she hates it when people stammer & say uh.
    I'll bet that was a shocker opening a can of red goo for your coffee! Then you could have had cranffee! Maybe you can sell it & get rich? and..Yay!

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  2. I saw an interview with Judge Judy at her home. Let's just say that a $75 million dollar a year contract buys a lot of house. Me, I want to get rid of my 1800 sq ft. house and get a 5th wheel. I guess my priorities are screwed up.

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