Friday, October 11, 2019

Alive!

I am alive!

Thank you for all the emails asking me if I am OK. I have been super sick and it's not been a whole lot of fun. I haven't felt like sitting upright long enough to type.

My sofa has a recliner on both ends. I am using one end as a hospital bed substitution. It came with the 5th wheel RV. It's leather the color of mushroom. I have to say it is super comfy, I just wish it were ultra suede. The leather gets c-c-c-c-cold. But I've been tethered to medical equipment and the couch makes it easier to deal with and easier on me resting. 

The TV seems to work as my napper. I turn it on and soon I am so bored I doze right off.

In a round about way I found out blood wipes right off the leather, so that works for being handier than ultra suede I guess.

Mostly I am cuddling up with a cheap semi-down pillow and a super soft cotton blankie. I dream of comfort foods and a better down pillow. 

Last night I crawled into my bed for an hour or two. Oh man, I miss my bed! But my body could only do the hour or two, so I had to sadly move back to the couch.First I dragged the tethers up there, then back down again. All in my sleep cause I had to get up and visit the water closet. I keep drinking mountains of water to process the bad germs to flee my body one way or another.

A few weeks ago when I was at the emergency room, I think I caught some sort of nasty bug there. I saw lots of people in scrubs doing computers and paperwork but nobody doing cleaning and sterilizing. 

I am never using CVS Pharmacy again. When I left the hospital I had a prescription for pain pills and a sturdy antibiotic. Both I needed for the surgery on my head. It took CVS Pharmacy TWO and a half freaking days to fill my prescriptions. By then the extreme pain was making me entertain violent feelings. 

How can a pharmacy get so far behind it takes them 2.5 days to count out 22 pills?

That is ridiculous!

Maybe they were too busy loading computer tape cause my printout from CVS was nearly 4 feet long with complicated discount coupons on overpriced products. 

Speaking of mega corporations...

Now that Walmart is online it's easy to compare with Amazon. I am amazed how many times Amazon beats out Walmart on prices. I've also had good luck with Amazon coupons.



 Recently I received gorgeous flowers for getting well. They are stunning. I am luckiest person in whole wide world. 

Thank you EVERYONE for all your help and emails and paypal and being an Angel.

Angels keep me down to earth. 

I am so blessed to be alive. 




Monday, September 23, 2019

Bongo Below

Jerry, Karen, Lorenzo...

Sounds like the cast of a triangle in a soap opera. 


Speaking of soap operas... I recently finished up one named OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE.

My neighbor watched most of the six seasons with me. On days I was feeling rough and stuck home resting, I would turn it on. 

It's filmed in New Zealand so we learned new kiwi lingo. Like what it means to root somebody or saying "I'd be keen to do that".

If you're really keen, then you're heaps keen. 

Grab your togs, let's go swimming. I'd be heaps keen to get wet.

If you're cold, forget the sweater, what you need is a jumper. 

To be knackerd is to need a nap. 

Spend more time at your bach and if you're lucky, yours is on or near the coast. A bach is a second home, a holiday place you own or rent annually.

You got that mate? Aye?

When your holiday money runs out you have bugger all. 

Kiwis would say where I live now is out in the wops. Which is to say the middle of nowhere. 

If you've run out of room for more luggage in your car then it's chocka. If ya crash your car or it breaks down, then it's munted. If you were drunk when it happened then you were munted too. 

If the repairs is pretty easy, then it's a piece of piss. But if you're having a party it's a piss-up. 

If you want someone to mind their own business then you yell piss off. But if you're being unreasonable, then you're taking the piss.

If you forgot your togs then you say "Aw, stink one".

I will tell you more in the nek minute. 

You can tell I am having a mare day when I watch TV (mare is a difficult time).

Packing a sad, is having a tantrum!

Chuck on our gumboots and let's walk through the cow farm.

If it's choice then it's awesome or top shelf. 

And if you think I'm a dag, then you think I'm funny!

Southerners say bullshit but kiwis say spinning a yarn. 

Southerners keep their beer in a cooler but Kiwi's keep theirs in a chilly bin. 

Bowling round, means you're coming to visit. 

Heaps means lots and Kiwis love this word heaps and heaps. 

If you thought that funny, then it was a crack up.

Maori words are thrown in with the Kiwi slang such as pakaru (I like pakaru heaps) but pakaru describes heaps of my belongings in that pakaru means broken. 

If he spat his dummy, then he was angry in a childish way. That dummy is what we call a baby pacifier. 

So if you want to learn heaps more then watch Outrageous Fortune for free with Amazon Prime. 

I would say this is an adult soap opera. Not really suitable for children at all or else you will be explaining heaps. Each episode blends into the next one. Some leave you with shocking cliff hangers.  

It's well written, the characters are distinctly unique. It has some real dark comedy thrown in that kind of sneaks up on you. 

Trivia... one actor plays two very different twins. 

Ironically Outrageous Fortune takes liberty borrowing liberally from Shakespeare. Even the title was snatched from the famous "To be or not to be" speech which states: "To be, or not to be, that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles.

The youngest child Loretta is also used in photographs of her deceased grandmother. The air-head older sister sometimes refers to things vanishing just like the Bahamas Triangle which of course there is none, it's called the Bermuda triangle but it's funny they make this subtle air head reference more than once. 

When they referred to one character's Mazda Bongo van, I thought it was a reference to his predilection to smoking weed, sometimes out of a bong.

But the joke was on me, they really do make a Mazda Bongo Van.



Friday, September 20, 2019

YAY!

Quality of life.

I've been doing hoodoo and voodoo to stay away from the doctors and drugs.

Most don't want me anyhow since my insurance was cancelled.

I juggle all sorts of alternative treatments that can be done at home or nearby.

It's well worth the effort!

I'm alive and I feel alive.

There are times I feel sorry for others. I know man folks that are over-scheduled with medical appointments.

I get a slew of robot calls from medical facilities imploring me to have endless tests that I don't care to do. So I don't.

Sadly I have been in the hospital twice this year but hopefully I've seen their exit signs for the final time!

Home is where the heart is.

The less time I spend in or around medical facilities and drugs stores, the happier I am. 

Life is goof. 



See more from Jane Goodall at Amazon.

Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Mermaid Car

After 10+ years of no car, I am looking around at something suitable for a mermaid to drive.

This looks like a nice option.



Amazon has competitive prices on numerous car parts and accessories such as rain guards for your windows. This allows you to park with the windows cracked to cool off the car in the summer without risk of rain damage. 

Probably half the people in Florida add these to their cars and the other half wish they had them. 

Anytime you use any of my Amazon links, it helps the dog and I buy groceries and other supplies. We thank you from our head to our tails!



Friday, September 13, 2019

Date Night at the ER

Yepper. 
ER.
Emergency Room. 

Twice I've been in the hospital this year. Yuck!

This time it was emergency surgery. More yuck yuck yuck. 

About a week earlier I woke up with a lump on the back of my head. Each day it slowly grew and became more painful until I was nearly insane with pain. 

By Friday afternoon my close friend who was going to take me out for dinner, instead called my doctor who agreed to see me in about an hour. We drove over so he could take a look-see. 

To complicate matters, I have a rare disease for which there is no cure. It sometimes wreaks havoc with my life. There are occasions when for inexplicable reasons it produces painful cysts, boils, lumps or tumors.It also causes me to grow scar tissue in odd places which can be very problematic. Sometimes the same lump comes back repeatedly.I've had tumors where there were previously cysts and cysts where there were tumors. It's maddening!

My doctor had never dealt with this before. He has only seen me once since I came out of the hospital in January. At that time I was having a rough time finding a doctor to see me at all! I just wanted a medication renewed so I finally settled on him basically because the other practices were too busy to take me on. He's very young. 

He examined my head then brought in another doctor. They decided I needed surgery immediately at the hospital. They scribbled out an address and 40 miles later I arrived at Bayfront Hospital which is near Weeki Wachee, home of the mermaids. 

Amazingly when I told the ER I was there because my doctor thought I needed emergency surgery, they took me in right away. A few hours later, I was on my way home again with a hole in my head.

Life is goof.  






Thursday, September 05, 2019

Harley dog and I survived hurricane Dorian with a close friend taking shelter with us too. 

I have big lump on back of my head.  No idea what happened. Woke up a few days ago with a big painful lump.

It hurts something awful. I am taking old pain pills or what I call pucking fain pills. I am not a fan of pain pills but I do not do well with pain at all. I can be real nasty when I am in pain and that is enormously embarrassing. I am a laid back happy go lucky child of the planet when I am pain free.

Did a rainbow hit me in the head?

No idea. 

I am just relieved that the big bad hurricane chose to leave my little slice of heaven intact.  

The view from m dining table.



Check out Today's Deals on Amazon

Wednesday, September 04, 2019

X Marks the Spot

Dear Miss Mermaid last seen at this red X.


As of 11am Wednesday September 4th, we have a very dark sky but no rains.


Dorian

Wind and rains are here at 4am in central Florida.

I hope I have protected most of my outdoor furniture and potted plants. There just isn't room to bring anything else inside.


Shop Amazon with my links please. The little commissions add up and help me tremendously. 

Thank you kindly!

Monday, September 02, 2019

Rowdy Ronda Attacks Dog

Ronda... my vacuum cleaner robot was zipping around while Harley was sitting on the kitchen stool. It has felt pads on it so it doesn't scratch the parquet floor. Ronda bumped the stool and it slid about an inch with Harley on top of it. He looked down at Ronda and gave her a warning bark.

She responded by zipping around the stool and bumping it again moving it another inch in a different direction. Harley looked down barking at her again. She reversed then took aim at him a third time.

Now he was MAD. He hopped off his stool and tried to bite her! Not once but twice!

However she is too big for his little mouth.

I moved his stool up to the dining area which is a step up, so Ronda couldn't reach him anymore.

It's tough being a little doggy trying to lord over all from his lofty bar stool. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For 18 months I have used a Roomba from iRobot. I named her Ronda. I worship her. For 18 months she has faithfully vacuumed my RV every single day except for the 12 days I was in the hospital on life support.  While I was in the hospital a friend moved into my RV to get it ready for me coming home.

My friends thought it funny that when they finally brought me home from the hospital and helped me inside I asked "Has anyone run Ronda today?"

Ronda is an adaptive aid. If you know anyone struggling to remain independent, get them a Ronda.  

Life is goof. 






Strong Freaking Dorian Hurricane

Awesome.

Hurricane Dorian.


  • Since 1950, only 3 Atlantic hurricanes have had max winds stronger than Hurricane Dorian's current max winds of 180 mph: Allen (1980): Max winds of 190 mph Gilbert (1988): Max winds of 185 mph Wilma (2005): Max winds of 185 mph
  • "Only one hurricane has made continental US landfall with winds this strong: The Labor Day Hurricane of 1935 (185 mph max winds)."
  • "Only two hurricanes have made continental US landfall with a lower pressure than Hurricane Dorian's current pressure of 913 hPa. Labor Day Hurricane of 1935 (892 hPa) and Camille of 1969 (900 hPa)."
  • "Dorian now has the strongest winds (180 mph) for a hurricane this far north (26.5°N) in the Atlantic east of Florida on record."
  • "The strongest hurricane landfalls in the Atlantic basin not in the continental US since 1985 are 180 mph landfalls by Hurricane Irma in 2017 on Barbuda, St. Martin and the British Virgin Islands. Unfortunately, it looks like Hurricane Dorian may join that infamous list shortly."

Sunday, September 01, 2019

Dorian Dart Board

Here's one for the dart board. 


Hurricane Prep

I am alive and getting read for the hurricane.

Sorry I have not posted in awhile. I was sick and just overwhelmed trying to take care of me, the dog and this old RV.

I'm doing much better now, just weak and tired but very happy to be alive.

August has come and gone. I've survived man funerals of loved ones in August past. This year a loved one passed on during August but I wasn't able to make the service in New York so I just had to send my prayers.

On a funny  note. below is a picture of a 5 year old on her first day of school. The left side is how she looked moments before being dropped off at school in her adorable uniform.

On the right is  how she looked 5 hours later when her mom picked her up at school.



We've all had days like that.


Friday, August 09, 2019

Everyday is a blessing.

I am so busy trying to hold this body together and patch up this old rig.

Shopping with any of my Amazon links, is a huge help to me.

Amazon has coupons you can use right online. 

Thank you kindly.

Harley sits at the bedroom window guarding the flowers below.

It's been so hot, I pulled the awning out over the window to give him some shade.

Life is goof.

Friday, July 26, 2019

This Old Mess

Some days are good and some days are better.

Trying to be upbeat about the mess around here.

I know there is comedy in it somewhere!


I was so proud of myself. I fetched this patio mat out of the dumpster. No rips. No tears. Just a pile of dirt and wrinkles.

It's a 9x12 foot, self draining, doesn't mildew. These patio mats sell for $55 and up at Amazon.

 So it seemed worth the while that I struggled for 10 minutes and almost fell inside the dumpster trying to drag this out again. Then I strapped it down on the back of my bicycle and brought it home.

 While I was taking a picture of my latest dumpster diving find, I also snapped a pic of my plants.


Matter of fact, that black bar stool was also a dumpster find. I use it to hold the aloe plant that is overflowing it's pot. I need bigger pots and some potting soil.

Well, good thing I snapped this pic for the memories.

That night during a storm, a tree branch fell down and knocked every one of these plants over making a huge mess.

Life is goof.




Sunday, July 21, 2019

I was wondering around Coleman, Florida (population 679) when I became lost.
Then I saw a familiar Emergency Evacuation Route sign.
Ah ha!
That will lead me to a major highway in all likelihood.
Or will it?
Gotta love the sense of humor in our highway department.



Yes, I said wondering and not wandering.

Coleman is kind of a wonder.

I wrote a lot more on this post but blogger ate it. 

Did you know my blog is available at Amazon too? 
 




Thursday, July 18, 2019

More Bull

The young male had been staring at me for quite awhile. I was working outside. Every few minutes I checked on "that feeling" that someone is watching me. 

It was the bull. 

Still standing there.
Still watching me.

 I wandered over closer to see what his fascination with watching me was all about. Luckily we have a fence between my lot and his field.

That's when I noticed he had his tail stuck in a tree.
The ground beneath him was trampled.
How long had he been tangled up there? 


Just last year or year before I watched this baby bull being born. Did he remember me? Was he staring at me for help or just out of boredom? 

As I came closer, he moved around as if to show me, I've tried this way and that way and I am still STUCK.

But looking at his weight and mine and the fence that separated us already, I decided it was time to notify the farmer.

Hello?
This is your neighbor.
Your bull is stuck in a tree.

But I didn't have their phone number. 

About that time someone came over to visit me that lives in the RV park. I asked him if he knew the farmer's phone number and he did not. But he volunteered to go give them the news. 

He took a picture with his phone then walked over to their house. 

A lady came to the door. 

Hello?
Your bull is stuck in a tree.  

She looked at my friend with confusion across her face, then stepped back, as if the crazy parade was coming by a wee bit too close for comfort.
 
He's been there awhile and seems to need help.
But we don't know how to help him. 
Just thought you might want to know. 

Here I took a picture to show you.  

The lady was relieved that this wasn't some weird joke after all. She looked at the picture on the phone then laughed and said she would call her son to come deal with it. 


Shop Amazon Coupons for fabulous deals and discounts.
And that's no bull.
 



Saturday, July 13, 2019

Weather for your Birthday Suit

Rustler:

One who collects rust

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's a beautiful day.

A gorgeous crazy parade called life is going by faster than I can watch it all.

I haven't written much lately. So much chaos in getting well and getting this old rig fixed... plus fixing up this old RV. Not sure which is falling apart faster, me or it!

Life is goof.

Of course I had help... in things falling apart!

The RV park had a meltdown at my electric box and it fried my good air conditioner but left the not-so-good one  OK and a few other things fried but still the cost adds up and thus far I've tried in vain to make repairs and well, nothing much is fixed yet. Week six of this mess!

I am just oh so grateful the fiasco didn't burn me down while I slept. Luckily this all happened while I was home and awake, but still the costs of repairing my RV are up to me in spite of the problem being on their electric box.

So I tell myself, make do with what you have and if you don't have, don't worry. Then I try to smile and just be grateful I am alive and able to sometimes poke jokes at the situation.

If I didn't have such a smoking hot body... I would be able to cool down easier!

But there are always cold showers and that does the trick, though showers inside raise the humidity. The RV park here doesn't allow showering outside in my birthday suit. Oh well!

Speaking of birthday suits...

My curvaceous friend was married to a great guy but due to some rare problem, he began slowly losing his vision to the point he was nearly blind and wore super thick heavy glasses. During their marriage he had always complimented her on her choice in clothing that flattered her body. Very often she wore tight form fitting dresses that showed off her curves. As the years rolled by they stayed happily married and remained in the same house since he could easily get around it with his failing vision.

One evening he was waiting for her to finish dressing so she could drive them out to dinner for their 52nd anniversary. Over the years, the curves had sort of reshaped themselves as often happens to women and gravity begins to take over at some point.  But she was still a great looking lady, always dressed fashionably.

On this evening, he found his way to the bedroom door to inquire if she was ready. She stood there in her birthday suit and announced "Hun, I'm just changing my clothes now."

He shoved his thick glasses back up his nose (they were always sliding down) then remarked "You look great! Why change? That pantsuit is STUNNING!" Then he stepped closer, looked her over again and  whispered "But darling... it could use a little ironing.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We thank you for plopping by today and soon I hope to be writing every day again.

Bless you one and all.

It's a fabulous day to wake up alive...  even if my birthday suit does need a little ironing.





Monday, July 08, 2019

Bicycle Doggy


Harley dog decorated his bicycle ride for the fourth to show he is a patriotic mutt.

He has been riding around in this  front bicycle basket for over 4 years now.  He wore out his first basket, so this is his second.

Amazon has his bicycle basket for sale (but mine arrived without the stripe around it. )

The nifty thing is that it is a quick release basket with a carrying handle, so the puppy can be unhooked and carted around. Alternatively one can quick release the basket to go shopping then put it back on the bicycle and ride home with the goodies.

I bought mine "used" from Amazon Warehouse deals for $18 (in January 2015) but it sells new for double that.

I've carried my crockpot inside it to go to a potluck as well as dumpster diving goods and of course grocery shopping. This basket has taken a serious beating the past few years and is still functional though showing some wear and tear.

Life is goof.






Thursday, July 04, 2019

Banga Boom






Happy Fourth of July!

I am reminded of a funny story about a Chinese woman I once met who relocated to America as a young adult. She spent years working long days and at night toiling away learning the English language. She wanted to become a naturalized citizen in the USA.

Finally one year on July 4th  her dream came true!

She  became a US Citizen at a treasured ceremony after taking an Oath of Allegiance. She received her Certificate of Naturalization and a box containing an American flag. 

Later that day she had a big picnic planned to celebrate her naturalization with family, friends and coworkers. At the party while making her speech about this remarkable day, she opened up the box and unfolded her American flag  to show it off while everyone thunderously cheered and clapped. 

A tiny piece of paper had fallen out of the boxed flag  floating on a wisp of wind to the ground. The paper was the same size typically found inside of fortune cookies.

Someone handed it to her saying "This must be your fortune!" The crowd hushed as she held up the little piece of paper and read it out loud. 

It had three words on it.

"Made in China."


MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU!

Amazon sells American flags in an array of  sizes delivered to your door quickly.

Tuesday, July 02, 2019

New Bus Route

No hurricanes, no cyclones.
Nothing untoward on the horizon.
June finished up nicely.

I heard the new and improved bus system was coming to my neighborhood. 

How convenient for me!

While sipping coffee at my dining table this morning, the new bus suddenly appeared. I had my camera nearby and quickly snapped some pics out the window. 

Sadly, I wasn't ready to go, I didn't even know the new bus route would be right through the cow pen.

All I have to do is scale the back fence, wade through knee high underbrush while dodging  cow patties (and cows!) flag down the bus and be on my way. 

Whee!

I just need a ladder to scale the 4 foot fence, but other than that, it seems like a workable solution for getting to town.







Put all your troubles behind you... drive a bus!

Thanks for plopping by today and thanks for shopping Amazon. 








Friday, June 28, 2019

Running Water

It sounds like a native Indian name, Running Water.

I have running plumbed in water now! I am super excited!

Running water. 

It's a beautiful day to wake up alive and see what else can be fixed, repaired, shored-up, patched, cobbled and working again.

Electrical problems and plumbing mess are not my expertise at all. Neither are cell phones or wifi or internet. The longer I live the less I know about putting things back to working order.

Life is goof.

Um good!

Some of my plumbing RV parts came from Amazon faster than I could find them anywhere else so that was handy indeed. 

Enjoy your day, it's a beautiful one!

I rename from Dear Miss Mermaid to Running Water.








Monday, June 24, 2019

The Perfect RV Mobile Repair

 My rig has plumbing and electrical issues.  
One of these days it will finally be repaired.
Last night I laid down trying not to think about it.


Then I found the perfect RV mobile repair person!

She answers her phone live or returns calls within a day when you leave a message. 

She shows up for appointments on time and is available for emergencies.

Astonishingly she can seemingly shrink from 6 feet tall to only 12 inches high to fit in those tight spaces to fix the impossible such as the  just-broke plumbing that is wrapped around critical electrical wiring.

If you own an RV then you are probably aware of  these unique situations that arise at the worst of times. 

Oh the laugh and joy of tiny home living.

Her fingers are 18 inches longs and she has three extra thumbs on both hands. Her eyes go from normal to super bright flashlights whenever needed. Seized up screws and bolts are terrified of her and immediately give way without busting up other critical parts.

Whatever parts are needed, she can magically find and have them delivered before the next millennium. She can make 19 phone calls, search 33 websites, send off 42 emails  and 83 texts to find THE one part that will fit, that will work. She does all this in under 2 seconds. The new part will arrive with the same screw or bolt holes, not mis-aligned by some fool in a somewhere factory that decided it was cheaper to move the holes and therefore we RV owners want to remodel the entire RV any time there is need to replace a part.

The new part arrives built better instead of inferior to the old part.

Imagine the absurdity of such convenience!



She doesn't break three other things while making one repair or trash the place with impossible stains that won't come out in ten lifetimes.

Everything is done in a day as scheduled, not spread over 5 weeks of no-shows and it comes under quote, not the original quote times 3.2 plus 22% plus the year of your birth.

She doesn't break four other whatchamacallits and then hide this from you hoping you won't notice.

I was trying to pay her and thank her and tell her how awesome she is when suddenly
she  laughed and vanished in a cloud of mist before I could ask her for her business card.

POOF.

Where did she go?
 
My mind was struggling.

Trying to comprehend what just happened to my magic repair lady?


And that's when I woke up.

WOW.

That was a delightful dream.

Do I really have to deal with reality today?

Say it ain't so!

Some of my RV repair parts came from Amazon. One was delivered in 24 hours thanks to prime membership. 

Today I hope to get it installed.

Another part is coming from AdventureRV.net
It's my first time ordering from them.
They don't ship fast unless one pays extra, so I used the economy slow shipping.

Thanks for plopping by today!
 
 

 
 






























Saturday, June 22, 2019

LOST IN TRANSLATION?


LOST IN TRANSLATION

Years back before the internet was happening, I was living overseas in a far flung port on a tiny island in the Caribbean. Catalogs were a treasured rarity. Folks saved them and passed them around. Many waterfront bars and restaurants kept a free book trade along with a stack of catalogs for patrons to trade, share and  peruse.  These catalogs showed products we could dream about that weren't for sale locally on a tiny island in Caribbean. A few would ship overseas, most just shipped inside the USA only.

I decided to send my father in the USA a unique coffee mug for Father's Day. I was thumbing through a dog eared catalog of custom imprinted products while sitting in an open-air restaurant having breakfast. There was a phone number to call for placing an order. The preprinted order form included in the catalog originally was long gone. 

I finished my breakfast then walked to a payphone located in the island's town park (this was before cell phones were ubiquitous). I lived on a small sailboat floating in the harbor so I had no home phone to use. Twenty minutes later of standing up in the Caribbean sunshine at a pay phone in the park describing the coffee mug, the imprint I wanted, my father's name and address, my credit card and so on, I was confident that in the next two weeks my father would receive his gift in time for father's day. 

Weeks later on Father's Day, in a different port on a different island, I went to a payphone ashore to call my father for a 5 minute $30 overseas call and wish him Happy Father's Day. He thanked me for his curious gift which had arrived on Saturday. I thought his voice sounded a bit icy. Maybe he didn't like my gift? Nonetheless I was thrilled the mug had made it to him on time but I was mortified to learn from him that his coffee mug read  "Great Job Farter, I Turned Out Awesome!" 

CLICK!!!

A nanosecond later, the phone call disconnected. I was aghast. My $30 and 5 minutes had both expired. I didn't get to explain to him that is NOT what I meant to send him! 

Oddly enough, as a child, I don't recall my father being much of a farter. I don't recall that he ever farted in my presence. Oh he snored like an endless trainwreck of screeching metal sounds and thunderous crashes that shook windows and scared coyotes. His snoring could drown out other noises from over a mile away. But farting? Um, no.

Whether something was lost in translation or the operator at the catalog company wasn't very good at spelling (or listening!) or someone doing the imprinting decided to have some fun at my expense, I will never know.  

It had taken me over an hour to get that call through to start with and it was time for me to return to work. In those days I was professional crew on a large chartered sailboat for weeks or months at a time. When I had time off, I lived on my little sailboat. It was a chaotic traveling sailing schedule I enjoyed. It was time for me to pick up my passengers and get them back out to their luxurious yacht for a sumptuous luncheon then sailing onward to the next island where a gorgeous beach was waiting for their enjoyment.

Sorry dad!

Life is goof. 

Twenty-something years later... 

Year 2019

Amazon has a  new department called Amazon Prints that includes custom photo printed gifts for your home or your loved ones. Calendars, Photo Books, Wall Decor, Cards and of course the proverbial coffee mug. You can upload your own photos as well as add their own stock of embellishments to make a one-of-a-kind piece of artwork or gift. 

Maybe yours will turn out how you intended. 

Good luck!

If you're reading this then we both woke up alive. 

YAY!

Celebrate!

And thanks for plopping by today.




 




 



Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Random Notes

In response to Namesake I received this note:


Aww, I appreciate it. It was made by my stepson in Minn. He makes mostly fish but also this mermaid in two sizes. MetalMotionArt.com
You should have seen that mermaid swim yesterday when we had a stiff wind! Undulating all over LOL


Signed 
S

Dear S,

I saw the website and his work is stunning. Thanks for sharing the link so others can see. I especially liked the video of me... that gorgeous large mermaid swimming in the trees. 

Your stepson might be interested to know he can also list his artwork on Amazon Handmade, an artisan-only community of handcrafted goods. No up front fees, yet the artwork is exposed to millions of customers. artists only pay a referral fee when an item sells.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Speaking of artwork...

I snapped these pics in the little city park I visited recently.  
Both are carvings on a large chunk of tree. 

 But... who gives a hoot...

This carving below struck me as very haunting.

Or maybe it's just  Native American on a bad hair day!
 



 OOPS! 

I had more to say but the daily monsoon has started along with loud thunder boomers that scare my wittle puppy dog to the point he begs me to hold him tightly against my chest so he feels safe. I can't type and be the loving mutt-er to him too, so puppy wins, I need to unplug.

See ya round the campfire tomorrow!



 

Monday, June 17, 2019

Float Test

When it seems like so much is going wrong or is breaking or broken, I just have to remember everything that is going right and be oh so grateful for that.

A few days ago I went to an appointment. I had foolishly made the appointment online when I couldn't reach a "live" person on the phone. When I arrived there were three cars in the parking lot but the building was locked up. I tried all the doors, including the unmarked doors. I was early, so I hung around in the parking lot. Finally a person came outside about 30 minutes later, confused as to why I was there at all. Turns out my crystal ball was malfunctioning. The time, date and location for my appointment was wrong. It seems that person thought I should have known the info on their website was wrong and it gave out wrong info and they had no idea why I didn't magically know this.

Well, pardon me!

There was a city park nearby completely empty with some interesting art work on display and a beautiful water fountain. I am drawn to water. I ambled over to study the fountain and it's 36 jets. Perhaps I could meditate for inner peace and tell myself to stop being annoyed at another technology snafu.

Surprisingly there were no coins in the fountain. Back in the old days... folks would make a wish and toss a coin in a pretty fountain. Maybe that's not done anymore, or maybe no one visits this fountain or maybe times are so tough someone already purloined the coins. Maybe no one carries around coins anymore. Maybe it's considered littering these days or maybe there is a new law out about that.

 I tried to use my  phone to take a picture of some of the fountain and some of the sculptures on display. It kept flashing a message "failure". I messed around with the dadgum phone trying to get it to work.  I thought about just hurling  the phone into the fountain for a "float test" make a wish and then just walk away.

My phone works randomly for phone calls and rarely for anything else. It's not even a year old.  I don't use the mountain of aps it came stuffed with and the powers to be won't let me delete them but my phone burns up a lot of battery time updating these aps and sending me endless messages about all this updating. When I dare to use one of these aps, such as the camera function, it malfunctions.
 
A half hour later I tried again and did manage to "fix" the phone camera then snag a picture (above) of the eagle sculpture against the foreboding sky. No pics of the fountain. A few days later I figured how to email the eagle pic to myself so I could download it and then upload it here. 

Amazing! I felt so triumphant! I had conquered my camera ap and made it WORK.

I had arrived in 2019, I could actually take a pic with my phone and use it. Progress!

But...

A few hours later...

I  accidentally discovered that in spite of my phone being prepaid through June 25th, people were calling me and getting a recorded message "this phone number has been changed or disconnected or is no longer in service".

When does June 16 mean June 25th? Is there new calendar math I  am clueless about?

Is this because I took that picture of the eagle sculpture?

Indeed I could not make any outgoing calls either. I kept getting a robot message that my phone wasn't "activated".  Incredibly... there was a notification flashing on my phone that google had updated 9 aps that I don't even use or understand what they are for and don't really have time to learn them, because apparently I am still trying to figure out how to receive and make calls.

How do I tell google, please install or update that "ap" that allows me to make and receive calls?


If you call me and hear gurgling noises, you will know I went back to visit that pretty fountain, make a wish and float test my phone.

Life is goof.





Saturday, June 15, 2019

Nana Banana

ON BEING FRUGAL...

Today I made shoes out of two banana peels.

Now I have slippers.



 There are 1001 gadgets to hold your bananas. 

My favorite holder is a live banana tree. 

Years back I lived in an apartment in the Caribbean that came with banana trees. Those fresh bananas were oh so tasty.

Life is goof.

Thank you for plopping by today! 

I'm alive, you're alive, so we're off to a GREAT start.
 




Friday, June 14, 2019

Namesake

A gentle reader named this mermaid after me and put her by their pool in Virginia, then sent me the pic.


Dear Gentle Reader,

Thank you for the gorgeous pic. 
Love the mermaid and of course you picked out the perfect name.
I feel so very honored!
The artist did a perfect rendition of me.

Yours truly,


 PS-Please pack up that pool and send it on down to me. 


 













Monday, June 10, 2019

Note From the Dog

Had my bath.
Got a clean harness and stinky flea treatment.
Yuck.
Take my pic.
Hurry!
Wait.
Ya missed a spot bathing me.
Right here on my leg.
Don't worry, I will clean it myself.
Oh?
Did I wreck your picture perfect moment?



OK.
Hurry up and take my pic.
I am the handsomest dog ever to live!
Now take me for a walk so I can show off to the little girl doggies.
But be careful of those pup-arazzi trying to track us.
You may have to be a ruff-feree!

Doggone it!
I couldn't catch that bunny rabbit.
I guess I am having a bad hare day.

Play with me.
Feed me.
Take me for a bicycle ride.
And then cuddle up with me.
Then we play some more.
What's for dinner?
I already ate my breakfast.

And don't forget to trot out the treats.
You FORGET that some days!

What?
You don't have 24/7 to devote to the poor wittle doggie?

It's not like I ask for much.

Is is Christmas yet?
Do I get toys?
Can you play that song I love?
"Dachshund Through the Snow!"

Oh, can we go for a ride in a car?
Can ya pick me up?
I want to be held.
How about we ride the bicycle?
Pick me up, put me in the basket.
You pedal and I will bark at the squirrels.

Let's...
Toss the ball?
Fetch the Frisbee?
Oh and can ya plump up my doggie pillow?
It's looking ruff.

Open the door, I want to go out.

Never mind, it's so doggone hot.
Open the door, I want to come back in.

Put on a movie.
Make me some pup-corn and we can watch it together.
Why do you sleep during the movie?
You can't be tired.
Taking care of me is sooooooooo easy.

Gee wiz, I don't ask for much.

Not sure why you think I do!

I paws-itively love you.

What's for breakfast?
Woofles?

Did you find me a Halloween costume?
This year I want to be Arf Vader!

I heard there was no dog in the White House.
What happened to Bark Obama?

Can you read to me?
I like that book about the detective, Sherlock Bones or the other picture book, Winnie the Poodle.
How about reading me some quotes from Bark Twain?

Even though you hate it, I try to clean your face and wipe off all your lipstick (isn't that a treat!)

And I am a great hoover hound. You drop something on the floor while cooking and I am the first one to clean it up.
See?
I do help out.

Where is my squeaky toy?
Let's play!

Put on some music by Pink Floyd.
I want to hear Bark Side of the Moon.

Can we go look at dog toys?
Amazon has all my favorites.

Anything is paws-ible when you have a dog to help ya out!




Sunday, June 02, 2019

Fright Week





Three attempts and finally this little happy pic uploaded.

Fright week!

Two snake scares this week. The second one... I went to the dog park. The grass was kind of tall near the water bowls. I went over there to neaten them up and SNAKE.

He scurried off but not before I let out another "ARGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH". This one was a super fast black snake.

I guess I need to get new prescription eye glasses.

Monday was snake one.

Tuesday the doc said he couldn't correct my vision beyond 20/30 not the 20/20 I craved. It unerved me when he told me why and well I left the place before getting my prescription sorted out.

Wednesday I went to make a donation of a rocking chair and met a gun toting inebriated man who thought he was protecting things and that I was possibly a thief rather than someone making a donation. Good grief.

Being at the wrong end of a gun scares me. Sheesh!

Thursday my phone died. It's 10 months old and I guess that makes it obsolete. It's going again, but it ate my pics and contacts and the backup that should have restored those, well it failed. The bizarred thing is I was having a semi-emergency and  was going to call for help, but that's when I discovered my phone was no longer working. Good grief.

Friday the mil-idiots updated my old laptop into non-functioning oblivion.

Saturday I got it going again.

Sunday, today, was snake two fright fest. YUCK, I do not like snakes.

Then when I got home my power died. First I smelled that weird bad wiring smell then POOF the power died. I found out I was the only one with no power. The 50 amp breaker on the RV park pole had gone bad.

The park has a new manager, the 3rd one in 3 months and they are closed up on Sunday anyhow, but through a miracle the maintenance guy was eventually located by my gracious neighbor and he took time on his day off, to come over and eventually get me going again with a new breaker.

It's 90 something degrees here today and humidity about the same, but I'm smiling and happy. It feels great to be alive. Apparently I can survive a lot of frights.

And besides, there's not much else that can go wrong or break.

Life is goof!




Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Magic in the Making

If this gets posted it's technology magic created by a unicorn over a rainbow somewhere.

This blogger platform keeps changing rapidly as to who owns it, where it's hosted and how I sign in to use it and I am constantly notified to change this or that because they have changed this or that and made the existing system to sign in or make a post obsolete.

Again! Again! Again!

The mil-idiots seem to change the programs, the websites, the hardware, the flatware, the software more often than they change their undies.

I have this disgusting image of techno folks chained to their puter and phones wearing stinky overly soiled undies with eyes propped open with toothpicks while they work 23 hours a day CHANGING anything and everything so the hapless consumer can no longer make it work unless they have the most expensive latest and greatest equipment and tons of hours to manipulate it. Even then, poof, it probably won't work next week or next month.

Our landfills and dumps are filling up with obsolete crap that was good stuff in working order just a few short months ago and now it's updated, upgraded, improved, new featured into obsolescence garble-de-gook.

My phone and laptop are both failing and both seem to rely on one another, something I don't like. Both take enormous amounts of time to do a SIMPLE task. Stuff I could do in 1 minute a few short months (or years?) ago now takes an hour or more. 

Where do people find time for this technology  foolishness? 

I needed to make an important call to get some help and my 10 month old phone failed again. It took 2 days to get it going again and it still doesn't work right. This RV park doesn't allow fires at one's site or else I would have sent out smoke signals for help. 

Heck, maybe I should fire up smoke signals just so someone will show up to tell me to put it out. Hmm... why didn't I think of this sooner?

I am out of time, it took me an hour to battle my way into blogger and post this. 

Life is goof.  

But hey, enough of the whining...

I WOKE UP ALIVE!

YIPPEE!

And if I line up the stars and moon perfectly while standing on my head chanting backwards in an unknown language while juggling razor sharp knives  this will post and you can read it. 

PHEW. 
 

Monday, May 27, 2019

Your Stairway Lies on the Whispering Wind

Stairway to Heaven



A beautiful day in paradise.

This looks like a good used vehicle for me. When I get lost I can just zip up the stairs and take a grand view of things. I could back it up to my 5th wheel roof and see what's fallen on it next.  Sometimes squirrels or birds toss things down or the massive oak trees drop a dead branch in a high wind. Often it's just quiet leaves or needles from the cedar tree that rest up there until the next wind or rains cart them away.

Driving this truck, I wouldn't have to worry about losing my vehicle in a crowded parking lot. I could probably find it pretty easy.

It's a real bargain, all it needs (according to the current owner) is  very MINOR work and a shovel to dig it out.  Minor work being; some mirrors,  radiator, transmission oh and an engine, probably get a rebuilt one for cheap. Amazing how helpful the current owner is to point these minor things out for me.

This truck for some strange reason reminds me of  Stairway to Heaven, the iconic song written by Jimmy Page and Robert Plant (Led Zeppelin)

 “Stairway to Heaven” is one of their most famous recordings, and many consider it the greatest rock song of all time.

The song resonated with listeners, opening up a door to a different realm of spirituality and transporting them into a more mystical view of life. The vagueness of the lyrics also allowed listeners to interpret the song in their own way, adding to the magic and mystery of the abstract lyrics.

Back in my 20's I used to play this on the piano with something like 22 pages of sheet music. I have no musical ear, but I could read sheet music and play on an old upright piano for my own fun. 

Recently a friend sent me their recorded version and I thought it was superior to Led Zeppelin's.
So I've had great fun listening to both versions and trying to remember how on earth did I ever manage those 22 pages on the piano? I remember it was complicated and it took me a long time to finally get good enough to make it through the entire song. On piano.

Life is goof!

You can listen to Stairway to Heaven here.

Lyrics to Stairway to Heaven:
 

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven

There's a sign on the wall, but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven

Ooh, it makes me wonder
Ooh, it makes me wonder

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west
And my spirit is crying for leaving
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees
And the voices of those who stand looking
  
Ooh, it makes me wonder
Ooh, it really makes me wonder

And it's whispered that soon, if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now
It's just a spring clean for the May queen
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on
And it makes me wonder

Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know
The piper's calling you to join him
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind?

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll
And she's buying a stairway to heaven


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Oh and Happy Memorial Day and thank you for spending a spell here today.