Thursday, February 14, 2013

Pun Fun

I tried to catch some fog.
But I mist.

When chemists die we barium.

The wurst jokes are about German sausage.

Sadly there are people who are addicted to brake fluid.
They claim they can stop any time.

Ever wonder how Moses makes his tea?
Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.
Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian restaurant,
but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I can't put it down.

I once did a theatrical performance about puns.
It was a play on words.

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period!

Were the Indians here first?
They had the first reservations.

Did you hear about the kid's class field trip to the Coca-Cola factory?
They had a pop quiz afterwards.

The Energizer bunny was arrested.
He was charged with battery.

He didn't like his beard at first.
Then it grew on him.

How do you make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it!

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job?
She couldn't control her pupils.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry?
It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen.
Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home.
Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner?
Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist.
He has fillings, too.

Change your i Pod name to Titanic. It will start syncing now.

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