Hiding In The Trench Coat

Turn the heat up and I'll take my coat off. 

This morning we did something very naughty. Luckily we didn't get caught.

What happened was I went to sit on the throne in my broom closet around dark thirty. When I was ready to flush I realized much to my horror that it was suddenly time to pump out the black water holding tank in my gracious wheel estate.

I wasn't dressed, I wasn't awake but I wanted to be able to flush my toilet.  So I dug around my closet to find this gorgeous classic trench coat I bought at  Goodwill three years ago when I came to America. They charged me $25 for the coat on a very cold day but it had a designer label which is kind of funny, considering the trench coat was originally designed for officers in the rainy trenches. I thought it was a lot, but it was in great shape with a fresh drycleaingn tag stapled inside the sleeve. I decided it might be worthy of  the princely sum, because it was a timeless design that would probably outlast the rest of my days.

It looks great with anything and everything. Wearing it makes one look instantly dressed up for something important. I can't get cold too suddenly for health reasons, it complicates things so this coat has done me well. I just haven't worn it this winter until now.

Putting it on this morning, saved me from getting dressed. It was nice, long, warm, cozy and looked terrific.

So I dashed outside as the sun was slipping over the horizon to pull the plug on the black water tank wearing the lovely olive green trench coat. The black water tank is a polite way of saying the poop tank.

Even though I am connected to a sewer line, it's not possible to direct hook the poop tank up. To put it mildly...leaving the poop tank open all the time could cause all the liquids to drain out and the solids to build up a rock hard pyramid in the middle of  holding tank. Sooooooo...  it's important to let the liquids and solids mingle awhile then drain the tank. Typically I do this weekly, as I am already connected to the sewer hose. Apparently I skipped a few weeks. My bad.

In case you are wondering, the gray water from sinks and shower can go straight out to the sewer line rather than accumulate separately in the aptly named gray water tank.

OK, now that you've had your motorhome sewer lesson today...

I was outside with just my undies on but completely covered up with this lovely trench coat. I pulled the plug, then raced back around the motorhome towards the door.  I could close the valve back up later in the day.

At the front door I grabbed it rapidly to sneak back inside to the warmth of the RV on this 42F degree morning.

I was attacked by a jumping, leaping puppy who woke up instantly when I snuck outside and now he was ready for his morning walk, three hours earlier than normal.

Well, what the heck, I guess I could walk him in my undies and trench coat. I plopped on his coat and around the campground we went. I was so surprised that so many people were out and about walking their dogs so early!  My gosh, it seems half the campground was out and about at this unholy hour.

I was trying to appear calm and cool, all bundled up in my lengthy overcoat. I prayed nothing bad would happen, like getting hit by a car or anything. What if they discovered I was walking my dog, prancing around with next to nothing under my coat.

It sounds bad I guess, in a naughty way.

But I've heard stories... Reasons why my mother told me to never leave the house without being properly dressed.

My mother told me about a neighbor who was in her curlers and frumpy house robe with rabbit slippers when she realized the kids had missed their school bus. What's even funnier, is that she had shed her nightie to put in the washing machine with a load of laundry, so basically there was *ahem* nothing at all under her frumpy robe. This was OK for making breakfast for the family. Moments earlier her husband had left for work. But not wanting her kids to be late for school, she leaped into the car thinking she could make the round trip quickly without anyone seeing her.

Arriving at the school, everyone was inside with the first bell ringing just as she pulled up to drop off her kids. Thankfully there was no one around to see her.  As she pulled out of the school zone, back onto the road, her rear tire went completely flat with a loud bang. This was ages ago, long before cell phones.

Frozen in time, in her curlers, nappy bathroom and rabbit slippers, she waited in pure shame for over an hour, but no prince charming came to her rescue. Finally she had to exit the car, sum up every ounce of courage, then walk to the school, go inside, stroll to the office asking  to borrow the phone.

She called her husband imploring him to come to her rescue, then she walked back out of the school to go hide in her car.

So this morning, I thought about her, thinking at least I was covered from head to toe in a gorgeous coat.

And no one ran me over.

Whew!