Wednesday, June 03, 2015

Losing the Motorhome

Modern life in America confuses me. This sign was found on a bulletin board in the Sumter Marion National Forest in South Carolina. 

I am confused by this simple sign.

What is the difference between a plain ole "Trail" and a "Run/Walk Trail"?

Are some folks unclear as to the use of a "trail"?

Could it be so easily confused with say... a laundromat?

Gosh darn... All these years  I thought  "trail" was a place to wash and dry clothes, I am so glad it's now been further clarified for me... "Run/Walk Trail".  And to think of all the times I stood at a plain ole "Trail" sign with my pocket full of quarters and a load of laundry wandering and wondering where all the machines were...

About those mystifying numbers.. Could they clarify that please? Is the "Run/Walk Trail" 2.5 or 1.0 miles?

If I run it quickly is it only 1 mile? If I walk slowly is it 2.5 miles?

I am confused!

Speaking of confusion and the United States Post Office...

Today I traveled in my motorhome to a post office in South Carolina. My dog and friend were with me. The parking lot was busy and crowded so I parked my motorhome off to the side of the property about 200 feet from the post office building.

I noticed as I approached the front of the USPO building that on the doors in large letters it said "No dogs allowed  except Seeing Eye Dogs".  My dog was outside in the motorhome, so I didn't think much about it as I walked inside to stand in line to wait my turn. I had a doozy of a reason to be there to start with. A package addressed to me had gone round trip to the campground and back. A notice had been left at the campground for me to either fill out the notice for the redelivery of the package or bring the notice to the post office to pick up the package.

The campground office had lost the notice. Soooooooooo... I broke camp to drive the motorhome to the post office because this package was rather important.

It was a warm humid day, sometimes raining off and on (June in the south). We had been riding around with the driver and passenger windows open in the motorhome when it wasn't raining hard. We were not using the dash air conditioner nor  the generator which runs the big roof mounted air conditioner. Why waste gas and pollute even more if not necessary?

Well so much for trying to be a tad "green" and mother earth friendly...

When I park the motorhome, it sometimes warms up quickly inside, just like a car does. I keep this in mind if doggy is going to be left alone inside the motorhome on a hot day while I do errands. Sometimes I have to turn on the generator and air conditioning before I leave since the dog is too short to turn this stuff on by himself.  But today since my friend was with me and knew how to turn on the generator and air conditioning if need be, I just hopped out to run inside the post office. I know this all sounds sooooooooo boring, but it's part of the story.

Just so you know more boring stuff...

My plain old cell phone works randomly and rarely, and my friend dislikes phones, so neither of us bother to carry a cell phone around in our pocket. Yeah yeah... I can hear the cell phone fanatics saying "tsk tsk tsk".

I finished up my business inside the post office then strolled outside to see... NO MOTORHOME. Just a big EMPTY space where I had parked it just a few minutes ago.  I scanned the parking lot, which I didn't even recall entering at all because it was chaotic, I checked again at the EMPTY spot where I was pretty sure I  had left my motorhome, but it just wasn't there. I looked around for clues.

I thought to myself "Ut oh... this is the beginning of the end.... It's one thing to misplace the hot pink reading spectacles I so loved (spent a whole dollar for them at Dollar Tree) but *AHEM* it's another thing to misplace the entire motorhome!

I've spent weeks looking around the motorhome for those hot pink reading glasses to no avail. I've just had to accept that they are "lost" and use the gloomy black framed ones.

But today, I just felt like I had left the motorhome right over there. Now I can't find it. Let's see it's 10.5 feet tall, 28 feel long, and about 7 feet wide... you would think that since it's so much larger than a small pair of reading glasses, that it might be easier to spot.

Standing there  outside the post office, holding my keys and my package, I began scratching my head,  I thought maybe I was confused. (Ya think?)

So I decided to go for a "walk" even though there was no sign telling me where to "run/walk". Maybe the walk would clear my head while I thought about where on earth I left that motorhome last... It's embarrassing to misplace something as large as a motorhome!

For a brief moment,  I became concerned about alien abduction. I've heard rumors of folks that just vanished with the aliens. Maybe aliens took my dog, friend and motorhome.

Maybe the aliens wanted a motorhome to take home to their planet as a souvenir and it just happened to be mine.

Dang aliens and their star ships...

How will I explain this to the insurance company? Is alien abduction covered by my policy?

Well it hardly matters now... my cell phone was in the motorhome the aliens took.

Walking... walking... walking... I jangled my keys just in case like in a cartoon, my motorhome would suddenly appear. My friend had the other set of keys but where was he?

I walked down the side  of the property where I thought I left my motorhome, I walked around the parking lot in front of the post office. I walked around the other side of the building where I had no recollection of parking either.

Nope. No motorhome there either. People came and went around me. They all seemed to have cars, and there I was stumbling around aimlessly, scratching my head, jangling my keys. I even looked heavenward a few times, just in case I saw an alien spaceship flying away with my motorhome dangling beneath it.

On my second or third trip around the building, I saw an  open gate around the  back of the building with a "NO PARKING" sign and some sort of sign about postal trucks only beyond this point. It appeared to be a fenced in area leading up to the load/unload docks.

Maybe I could find  a big dumpster back there. I could just go hide behind it and cry. There, I have a plan...

As I walked in back, my bottom lip quivering, my eyes watering up... low and behold THERE hiding where I couldn't see it from outside the gate,  was my motorhome, with my friend sitting in the passenger seat and my goofy dog hanging his head out the open driver's door window.

Was I losing my mind?  I didn't recall parking here at all!

I was just SO relieved I climbed up in the driver's seat all smiles and happiness. I would just pretend like everything was normal and carry on to the next errand. My friend and I looked over the little map we had printed out earlier that showed the various places we wanted to go, we figured out  a plan and soon I was out in traffic.

Finally maybe 5 or 10 minutes later, my friend starts telling me about how he decided to walk the doggy after I went inside the post office. He was at the edge of the lot, walking under the shade trees, when a postal employee came walking out from the open gate, telling him dogs were NOT allowed on federal property. He apologized profusely explaining that he was waiting for me and he headed back to the motorhome with doggy in tow. The employee then told him that the motorhome was parked in the wrong place and ordered my friend to move it to the "No parking, postal trucks only" lot. Wanting to be agreeable, my friend moved the motorhome. He was going to get out to walk around front to the post office building to tell me where the motorhome was, but the employee ordered him to "stay with the motorhome!"

See? I wasn't losing my mind. I wasn't going senile. And best of all, I didn't lose my motorhome, it was just misplaced by the post office.

Imagine that.

Life is goof.




  1. Just be glad they didn't try to forward it!

  2. Maybe the run/walk sign means no bikes, horses, etc. Bikes drive me crazy when they whiz by me on a walking trail.

    Glad you got your motorhome, your friend, and your dog back safely. The aliens might take them if they can figure out a way.

  3. i worked at the usps for 3 months in the late 60's. good to see it hasn't changed. we used to call it chickenship. chickenship.

    sherbet. raz


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