Sunday, July 17, 2011

Lost and Found

The morning after July 4th, I set up my little office outside. Then I saw RED. There was a pile of garbage at the bottom of my driveway. I sure was hot and mad.  Doggy and I stomped down there defiantly to clean up the mess. But the red, white and blue garbage was an Uncle Sam windsock.


I hung him in the tree at the bottom of the driveway. He has been blowing around happily, waving at the passerbys. Then yesterday, nearly two weeks after I found him, a little golf cart pulled up in my driveway with two older ladies and a young teenage driver. One lady said that they were down here picnicking July 4th.  She had brought all sorts of decor for the party. After the festivities, they cleaned up, then drove back home.  She was putting away her stuff when she realized Uncle Sam was MIA!  She was a tad upset, because she asked her daughter to collect him. No one knows how he ended up at the bottom of my driveway. 


He looked just like my Uncle Sam in the tree. So Uncle Sam went home with the ladies.  My tree is bare now. 
One morning Harley and I found this float on the lakeshore. Somebody's dock somewhere is sagging really badly without this float. After a few days, of it being unclaimed, I started  making arrangements to have it hauled off. But before the haulers arrived to collect it, the float simply vanished. Maybe the dock owner came for it. 
The Wednesday and Sunday night fishing tourneys have been leaving behind dead fish.  YUCK!  They are supposed to keep them alive, weight them, then toss them back in the lake alive, not leave them for dead on the shore. This fish is almost as big as Harley. 
This park has well over two dozen trash cans. So why are these beer cans thrown in the grass?  Lazy drunks!  This park has a big sign at the entrance "NO ALCOHOL ALLOWED".  In a way, the sign is funny, since we are in Gumlog, Georgia, which is famous for their distilled spirits, also known as moonshine.
Now today,  the icing on the cake. Harley and I found a battered safe in the woods. It was close to the public restrooms which have a super bright night light in the parking lot. Indeed, some of the safe's insulation was scattered in chunks around the parking lot. 
I called 911 which connected me to another state.  Very strange. But I explained it was not an emergency, but I thought the local sheriff might want to come out to investigate this safe. It had appeared overnight.  I had patrolled the area the night before. No safe was in evidence then.  


Amazingly, the owner of the safe was located within the hour. Talk about great detective work. She had closed up her business Saturday afternoon 5 miles from here. The safe was in the office. Sunday, she noticed when driving by her business, that it had been burglarized. The safe was gone. An officer was writing up a report about her missing safe, when I happened to call 911, asking if anyone was missing a safe. 
What's even funnier is that the safe was presumed empty. The owner claims not to know what was in the safe, if anything. When her office manager died, awhile back,  they found the safe combination written down, but not the special key that must be used in conjunction with the safe combination. They never got the safe opened. Time marched on, they kept thinking the key would turn up at some point, but it had not. They don't know what, if anything the office manager was keeping in the safe. 

Hurricanes and Hangovers and Other Tall Tales and Loose Lies from the Coconut Telegraph by Dear Miss Mermaid

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