Adventures With Dear Miss Mermaid Child Of The Planet: Tennis Elbow

Friday, October 01, 2010

Tennis Elbow

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at the drug store. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars, a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Joe puts his urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drug store. He deposits ten dollars. The computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the machine and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at this drug store."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, plus a sperm sample from himself, for good measure. Joe hurries back to the drug store, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints out the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping at this drug store.