Booty Brothers

I thought I was so cute last winter when I came up with arm warmers made out of my socks. Many of my shirts have short or mid-length sleeves that are loose and breezy. I was riding my bicycle and my arms were c-c-c-cold. So I thought about how to rectify this on an efficient budget.

Bye bye socks, hello arm warmers! Yepper. I cut the toe section completely out of my socks, then slid the new "tubes" onto my forearms. Now I had extra insulation to ride my bicycle in the frigid 50-60F degrees. (I get cold super easy, probably due to my decades in the tropics.) The arms warmers made it look like I had on a shirt underneath the other shirt, so I was kind of pleased with the look.

That seemed like such a great idea... at the time. It cost me nothing (but a 5 year old pair of socks) and I was much warmer.

Speed forward... to a super hot humid day this summer.

I do some strange things for free entertainment. For instance, I found "Booty Brothers" a leather cowboy boot company in Florence, South Carolina, so I went inside sightseeing. It was sweltering hot outside, with a heat index over a 100 and humidity that just left one dripping buckets of sweat. They let me bring my doggy inside, and he was getting exercised in the cool air conditioning as I speed walked him around the store, then made the mistake of lingering by the exquisite leather cowboy boots

Just for grins, I had thrown a pair of socks in my purse, in case I wanted to try anything on for daydreaming. I was wearing my crafty Crocs with no socks at the time so taking a pair of socks inside a boot store seemed like a prudent idea.

Sure enough the over enthusiastic salesman caught me drooling over the huge selection of leather boots.  Each pair was unique, no two pairs alike. The smell of the tanned leather in the shop was a delightful aroma, bringing back fond memories of years past.

The salesman was encouraging me to try on boots so I sat down to slide off my Crocs while digging through my purse for my socks.

That's when I noticed my Crocs did not match. One was brown, one was black. I don't know HOW I did that. I guess in my haste to get dressed in the morning, I had somehow slid on 2 different colored Crocs. They were the same style, but I owned them in brown and black. Now I was wearing one color of each one.

The salesman noticed.

Nervous laughter.

A fruit loop showing up with mismatched shoes to try on boots.

Good grief, I was embarrassed.

But I decided to plow foolishly forward as if wearing mismatched shoes was just the most normal thing in the world. I pulled the pair of rolled up socks out of my purse, then slid them over my bare feet.

Guess what.

They had no toes because *ahem* somebody (not naming names here either) had cut the toes off of the socks to wear  as arm warmers.

Even worse, it was apparent from my toes playing peeky-boo from the shorn socks, that I was in desperate need of a foot wash and perhaps a pedicure. In walking the dog so early in the morning so as to avoid the oppressive humidity,  we had ended up in a field of tall grass that was heavy with rain and dew from the previous night. My Crocs, like many, have little holes in the tops and sides of them for keeping your feet cool and airy in the summer. The wet moisture from the grass had worked its way into my Crocs, then apparently while playing Frisbee with Harley in a dirt field, the dirt had worked its way into my Crocs and dirtied up my feet.

All this happened around 5:30am when I was still half asleep but trying to exercise doggy. Later that morning I drove to the city to shop for groceries, where I  found the delightful leather boot store. I just hadn't had time to notice my toes were covered in crud that came in through the mismatched Croc holes that morning.

Is this making any sense? How do I manage this kind of confusion?

More embarrassment. I am sure my cheeks were a deep red.

At this point, with my mismatched shoes, the blessed "holy" socks, the dirty feet... I looked around for a big rock in the store to just crawl under and never come out again.

The gallant salesman after a long pregnant pause, grabbed a pair of socks from his stock and offered them to me to wear to try on the boots.

My gosh, this salesman was determined!

The first pair was way too tight, I have short wide feet with a high instep. Finding shoes to fit has always been a problem for me. The salesman wanted to use a baggy over the sock to cram the boot on my foot (is he EVER determined!)

But by then my feet were numb. I stood up and nearly fell on my face.

Oh dude, let me just slip out the door and I promise to never come back...

But next thing I know he has found some wider boots for me to try on. By golly they fit beautifully but the price tag was a shocker. Just the same, I strutted around in those comfy leather boots daydreaming about hiking with doggy, being protected from snake bites and thinking of all the fun and foolishness I had when I did own real leather cowboy boots. in faraway days of yesteryear.

Meanwhile the salesman is trying to heard me over to the cashier. By now he had fed my doggy pizza from his lunch in back, he was carrying my purse and Crocs and holey socks, I had to seriously put on the brakes and explain "Let me think about this."

For some insane reason, I said "If these boots were half priced, I would." Some of their boots were selling for half the cost of the pair that fit me. But I was hoping he would NOT suddenly discount the pair I was wearing half price, as I couldn't afford that either.

His answer was to run over to the shelves of boots and pull out cheaper pairs for me to try on.

This is the hardest working salesman I have ever met!

I finally thanked him profusely, lauded his superior salesman skills and managed to get out of the store in my mismatched Crocs, towing a pizza fed doggy and a ton of shame and embarrassment.

And that folks concluded my "free entertainment" for the month.

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