Wednesday, October 03, 2018

Remote Nightmare

The sun came up. Birds are happily chirping. Sky is confused baby blue with gray overcast.

Dog is alive but not awake.

My tiny potted garden is looking nice with some cheerful flower blooms.

Between angels, dumpster diving and watering, I am so blessed.

Except I ate the remote to the fan last night.

I've had this raging fever for three days.  All  I wanted was ice cream and of course I don't have any ice cream. Every time I woke up,  all I could think was if I only had some ice cream it would cool me down.

I guess I mistook the remote for ice cream and ate it.

Oh dear me.

This is gonna hurt!

On the bed table you can see a tiny remote. It controls a fan that sits on a builtin credenza across the room (not shown). The little alcove with the window above the pillows is the slide out to transform the bedroom into a palatial palace about 9 by 9 feet. Basically I can walk around the bed and that''s all the room there is. But I am thrilled to have this new arrangement. My bed in the former motorhome was boxed in on three and half sides. Making it up with sheets was a study in acrobatics. This one is slightly easier to make up.

For 3 days now I've had a gawdawful fever.. I've used that little remote fan button to blow cool air across me. The fan has 12 settings for speed and optional oscillating. All this is controlled by a tiny remote.

But last night I ate the fan remote.

Yepper. Fever does strange things I guess.

I was up early, fever and all marveling at what a gorgeous day it was and hoping if I ignored  the fever it would go away. I tried to clean up the place chasing out the germs.

A few hours later I had to return to bed. After taking out the dog and garbage I was still  just burning up with fever.

But the fan remote was GONE.

I searched the tiny bedside table which is about 10 by 10 inches. I was dripping sweat all over it. I checked the floor. I even checked the cabinets. For good measure I checked the vacuum cleaner.

I pulled the sheets off the bed and shook them out. No remote. They were stinky from the fever so I tossed them in the wash. I looked under the mattress, behind the mattress, all over the floor and still no fan remote.

When the sheets were dry, I put them back on the bed.

I flopped down to rest wondering how or why did I eat the fan remote last night?

With my fingers and thumbs I jabbed my stomach here and there, trying to push the remote to see if the fan would respond. Nothing happened and I drifted off into another world.

When I woke up, I searched all over again for the remote. Then I found a sliver of space between the diminutive night table and the wall. Could the remote have slid down there into never-never land?

Finding my long handle back scratcher I tried to poke around the dark sliver between the  builtin night table and  the outside wall. No remote.

Then it dawned on me. DUH.

Bring in the slide out and then look. The button for the slide out is in the bathroom under the sink.  The dog was amused and confused as the room began shaking. The bed and builtin nightstands began moving with a loud groan. This pushes the bed up against the credenza eliminating the walk around space. I crawled across the bed with a flashlight and a mirror. Then I searched behind the nightstand and I could SEE the remote.

There it was.

In never never land.

I did NOT swallow it in a feverish fit last night. I simply flailed around and somehow sent it to never never land.

But to add insult to injury, I could not reach the remote! I could see it with the hand mirror aided by a flashlight but I couldn't reach it. I tried all sorts of contortions. It had slid down and under the cabinet into a deep dark hole.


All this beautiful cabinetry is built in and disassembling it would be next to impossible.

DING DONG. Yes, I have a doorbell on the doggy gate outside. I climbed across the bed to go see who was at the gate.

It was my skinny neighbor with long arms. Well he lives several streets from me, but the fact a skinny person with long arms should appear at this very moment did seem serendipitous.

Angels appear when you least expect it!  I asked if I could borrow his long arms.

I explained that my fan remote was in never never land and I could see it with the mirror but couldn't reach it and I had to bring the slide-out inside to locate it. Now it was taunting me.

Well my angel came inside, crawled across the bed since you can't walk around it with the slide stuck inside and reached into never-never land and produced the errant remote.


I am SO happy to find out  I didn't really eat the remote.  It was just a bad dream fueled by fever.

Life is goof. 


  1. Oh, you scared me! It is not good to eat a remote and I was thinking you would have to get a "remote-ectomy." Whew!

  2. I am 73 and in that time, I have never heard of anyone eating a remote control of any kind. Thank you for clarifying that you did not actually eat yours! ��

  3. May I suggest either of these? A bit expensive, but handy for those of us who lose things.

    1. Now I need to find my federal senior pass that I lost and the two new rear bumper end-caps that I bought a month ago! They are definitely here somewhere.

      An RV is a lot like a large purse with a dozen pockets--so many places to tuck things and so many places to search!


Life is goof!