Wednesday, December 15, 2010

A Whale of a Christmas Tale

I wrote this sometime in the early 90's while I was living in the Caribbean, aboard my little sailboat at sea. I hope you enjoy it! 

A Whale of a Christmas Tale

Twas the Night Before Christmas, and all through the Caribbean

Not a creature was stirring, but many fans were purring

I was asleep on my boat, when suddenly I awoke

I heard a bang, and then a clang!

I sprang out of my bunk, colliding with a furry hunk

Rudolf! The Red Nose Reindeer! How are you, my dear?

Need some sunscreen? Or would you like ice cream?

Oh, dear, he sighed, listen here, he cried!

Santa was sloshing in eggnog, his mind was off and in a fog

Since it still wasn't day, he leaned over the sleigh

To take a quick leak, since his bladder was weak

His eyes were a little blurry, but he spotted something furry

With a wink in his eye, he exclaimed in the sky

From way up in the air, I can see her hair!

Why, I've never been laid, by a Caribbean Mermaid!

But oh dear me! Santa jumped, in the sea!

But that's not all, this is why I call

Santa was swallowed by a great big fish,

who thought he was a Christmas dish!

I don't know what happened to the mermaid,

but I don't think Santa's gonna get laid!

We need him back at the North Pole, not in a fish, swallowed whole!

Rudolf, I said, don't despair, at least it wasn't a big black bear

Let me take you fishing, I know that you been wishing

For a Caribbean holiday, to come your way!

We went out in my boat, where on the sea we did float

We baited our hook, we wanted that crook

That big nasty old fish, who thought Santa was a dish

Finally we caught him with our bait,

With Santa inside, he was a great weight!

We made that hideous fish, grant us our wish

And with a great heave, out popped Santa's sleeve

He came out of that great fish body, only just a little wobbly

He had this awful smell, it turned the reindeer almost pale!

We dried off old St Nick, and we did it quick

We didn't want him to say Achoo! As if he may of caught the flue!

We got back into port, cooking up the fish for sport

That one big fish, made a fine Christmas dish

Off the reindeer, they did fly, with Santa Claus way up high

Back in my bunk where I was laying, I could still hear Santa saying

Merry Christmas to all, I'm having a ball, that big old fish, made one fine dish

But listen here, when I come back next year,

I hope I get laid, by that Caribbean Mermaid!

A Big Thank You To The Angels Watching Over Me
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