Wednesday, December 07, 2016

It Was NOT Me!

We had a nerve-shattering storm yesterday. Beautiful sunshine, gentle breezes then a big dark cloud rolled up out of nowhere. Suddenly a monsoon!

I was out walking Harley when he dragged me over to see one of his favorite humans, a repeat guest in the campground we had met last year,  who was outside washing his trailer. We were yacking away about the pain and gain of tortuous exercise and the merits of different bicycle racks while Harley ran through his repertoire of circus tricks.

As the sprinkles began, I said "Oops! See ya!" and we speed walked back to my camp with abrupt high winds and water flying everywhere. My feet were slipping and sliding, sloshing around my flip flops making it a bit difficult to gain traction. We weren't that far away, maybe a thousand yards to go.

With hilarious horror I realized my cotton shirt was soaking wet, sticking to my body turning the thin cloth transparent.

Oh my gosh, this is not the nude beach, but I was rapidly looking like I belonged there rather than here.

If a big rock had magically appeared, I would have crawled right under it and hid forever.

I snatched up Harley and plastered him to my chest. He curled up into a tiny wet fur ball giving me the coverage of a postage stamp.

We made the final lap in what seemed like 10 minutes of pure agony crammed into 30 seconds fumbling  around with the key trying to hold the shivering puppy and  pry the door open against the winds while my long hair was blowing horizontally wrapping around my face and eyes. Poor little dog looked like a drowned rat. There wasn't time to dry him off inside.

Like an octopus  I raced around my wheel estate trying to close eight open windows all at once. Then I dashed back outside to move the camp chairs under cover of my tattered awning (see last July when it nearly shredded)  but everything outside was  already soaking wet. The aggressive winds were shoving rain sideways pelting me and everything in its way. The awning was flapping wildly fighting with the tethers I had put out to hold it down when I set it up. There was no way for me to reign it in, so I dove back inside where Harley and I huddled together wrapped in a great big towel as thunder rumbled around us. My  cruising cottage shook from side to side as thick rains made the windows opaque.

That was yesterday just before sunset.

So this morning I was sitting outside with my coffee, minding my own business, trying to clear the fog from my brain when  a couple I have never met wandered over from another campsite and asked;

"Did you see that topless woman with a hairy chest race by in the storm yesterday? It was HILARIOUS!"

I was midways through swallowing my coffee, I was sure it would spew out of my mouth and splatter us all but with a  massive gulp I managed to get it all down.

Putting on my best most innocent poker face I replied "Um, no, but whatever you were drinking at happy hour... I sure want some!"

Too much air in my haste to get that coffee down, and my sentence was punctuated at the very end with a very  loud long deep burp.


Frantically I pointed at the little pond nearby and yelled "Did you hear that alligator? LOOK! There he is!" then I jumped inside my RV as the couple turned pale white and ran for their life.

And now Dear Miss Mermaid continues her series of helpful shopping tips for the holidays; 

Shopping for the person who has everything.

Except... this T-shirt!

This is the back of the T-shirt, you will have to visit Amazon to see the front of the T-shirt, it made me blush just looking at it. 

There are others... with a very warped sense of humor.

And whoever that crazy woman was out in the rain yesterday,  IT WAS NOT ME!

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