Thursday, December 22, 2011

A Whale of a Christmas Tale


I wrote this sometime in the early 90's while I was living in the Caribbean, aboard my little sailboat at sea. I hope you enjoy it! 


A Whale of a Christmas Tale






Twas the Night Before Christmas, and all through the Caribbean


Not a creature was stirring, but many fans were purring


I was asleep on my boat, when suddenly I awoke


I heard a bang, and then a clang!


I sprang out of my bunk, colliding with a furry hunk


Rudolf! The Red Nose Reindeer! How are you, my dear?


Need some sunscreen? Or would you like ice cream?


Oh, dear, he sighed, listen here, he cried!


Santa was sloshing in eggnog, his mind was off and in a fog


Since it still wasn't day, he leaned over the sleigh


To take a quick leak, since his bladder was weak


His eyes were a little blurry, but he spotted something furry


With a wink in his eye, he exclaimed in the sky


From way up in the air, I can see her hair!


Why, I've never been laid, by a Caribbean Mermaid!


But oh dear me! Santa jumped, in the sea! 


But that's not all, this is why I call


Santa was swallowed by a great big fish, 


who thought he was a Christmas dish!


I don't know what happened to the mermaid, 


but I don't think Santa's gonna get laid!


We need him back at the North Pole, not in a fish, swallowed whole!


Rudolf, I said, don't despair, at least it wasn't a big black bear


Let me take you fishing, I know that you been wishing


For a Caribbean holiday, to come your way!


We went out in my boat, where on the sea we did float


We baited our hook, we wanted that crook


That big nasty old fish, who thought Santa was a dish


Finally we caught him with our bait, 


With Santa inside, he was a great weight!


We made that hideous fish, grant us our wish


And with a great heave, out popped Santa's sleeve


He came out of that great fish body, only just a little wobbly


He had this awful smell, it turned the reindeer almost pale!


We dried off old St Nick, and we did it quick


We didn't want him to say Achoo! As if he may of caught the flue!


We got back into port, cooking up the fish for sport


That one big fish, made a fine Christmas dish


Off the reindeer, they did fly, with Santa Claus way up high


Back in my bunk where I was laying, I could still hear Santa saying


Merry Christmas to all, I'm having a ball, that big old fish, made one fine dish


But listen here, when I come back next year, 


I hope I get laid, by that Caribbean Mermaid!


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