Friday, September 03, 2010

Comedy in the Bedroom

Ahoy!  Where is a comedian and a video camera when you need one?  

I felt lousy yesterday, in a ton of pain, around noon, I went back to bed to sleep off the pain. I woke up, ate a plate of veggies, took the dog for a walk, then another walk because my neighbor with the weenie dogs went for a walk. My puppy loves the dachshunds, so we went for a walk with them. My junk yard dog (his nickname at this campground) loves to tangle up all three leashes, poking and prodding at the other doggies until they play wrestle with him.  I had to cut it short, pain was killing me, or trying to kill me, I didn't really die afterall. 

I got back home. My bed looked  like a train wreck. To cheer myself up, I got this foolish idea to tear it apart, flip the mattress, put on clean linens and see if that made me feel better. 

Well, have you ever tried to flip a regular mattress in a small motorhome?  Apparently the foam mattress had at some point, before my ownership, been replaced with a regulation thick Sealy Posturepedic mattress. 

Well, the bedroom in my little motorhome is small.  (That's stating it rather grandly!)  The bed is only open on barely two sides. It lays sideways, so that the side of my bed is up against the rear of the Motor Coach, under the rear window,  the head is against the side, with a window above, the other side is open about three-quarters of the way, becasue of the way the closet is built-in next to the bed.  The foot of the bed, has a built in chest of drawers taking up about a third of the mattress width. Overhead are cabinets, the length of the  rear, and over the head of the bed.

OK, there's my amateur floorplan drawing, so maybe the above paragraph makes a little more sense.  Which by the way, I have a sister-ship, well a sister-RV, in that Tioga George owns the exact same model, even the same year as mine, but he has converted some or all of the forward bed to cabinets. See his blog.   He is in Mexico, where I wish I were too. But all things take time.  Plus I get lost often, which is probably how I ended up almost to Canada recently. Well, that's another story, for another day. I think I'm back in Ohio now.

So, I stood in the hallway, trying to lift the mattress up. It banged into the overhead cabinets and was surprisngly super heavy. Or maybe I am super weak these days. So now that I had it at an angle, I tried to wrestle it to my right, past the chest of drawers, so it would clear the overhead cabinets to the left.  This sounds so smooth as I write it, but it was certainly not a smooth move at all. 

The mattress must weigh a ton.  Maybe I should slit it open to see if perhaps the former owner forgot he stuffed it with money?  Wouldn't that be a lucky find!  Yippee!

I got the mattress leaning towards the rear of the coach, but now it slammed into the overhead cabinets above the read end. It was getting even heavier. I felt like I might collapse under the weight. I could see the news headlines:

"Mermaid Crushed by Mattress Accident in Motor Home"


Somehow, while battling with the bed, I got it stuck vertically. This was getting to be a comedy routine. So, I left it there and went to sit down to take a break. I contemplated, just leaning into it and trying to sleep semi-upright, but doggy wouldn't like that. I closed my eyes, praying for strength, praying for mattress angels. After awhile, I stood back up to go wrestle with the hunk of a bunk again. 

Somehow, I managed to pull the cumbersome one ton side of the mattress towards me, to get the mattress to finish flipping, so that it now landed with a loud thud, partly on top of the chest of drawers, and partly on the bed base.

I stood there in disbelief. Is somebody filming this?  I could win money on one of those funny video shows, if only a comedian would show up and make a video of my efforts. 

I see now why certain men I know, curse up a string of filthy words, when they are trying to do something difficult.

That's just how I felt. 

But I kept quiet, as I didn't want the puppy picking up this bad habit. He was pretty upset that I had torn our bed apart. He spends his nights, peacefully curled up tightly,  in the far corner of the bed, lest he accidentally get kicked or thrown around by me tossing and turning.  

Steeling myself I did battle with this bulky bunk again, until I finally got the mattress wrestled down onto the bed base, right where it belonged. I collapsed on the unmade bed, very thrilled, that it felt brand new. 

I don't think it had ever been flipped before.

I can see why, too. 

After awhile, I struggled up again to put the bed together. First I shook out the mattress warmer, then tucked it in. Of course I had to crawl around on the bed, on all fours to get it tucked in right, plus I was trying to keep the wires and controls free, as those I like to place in the bed last. 

mattress warmer is the BEST invention. Mine has 10 or 12 settings. When it is turned on,  it heats up the bed to the desired temperature. Oh my gosh, when it gets cold, like below 75 F degrees (go ahead and laugh!) I can turn on the mattress warmer, and sleep like a well-fed kitten curled up to her furry mama-cat. That mattress warmer is haven on earth. I feel super-duper lucky to have it. 

I crawled back off the bed, then tossed the mattress pad on top of the mattress warmer, crawling across the mattress on all fours, to lay that out neatly. Then I found my favorite sheet, the one with a high thread count that came with the motorhome. It is super-soft. All my sheets are flat sheets, you can't really reach around the mattress edges to tuck in fitted sheets and besides none came with the motorhome anyhow. 

Next I shook out my fluffy cotton comforter outside, to remove any cracker crumbs and puppy toys. (Yeah, we are naughty, playing with toys and eating crackers in bed.)  The comforter is too big for the bed, so I fold under a section lengthwise, then spread the rest of the comforter over neatly, more or less. Next I topped with my meager pillow collection, of seven bed pillows plus a few throw pillows. 

Oh my gosh, it looked positively delicious. I was so wore out from the effort, I went back to bed. It felt great!

Note to self:  next time I dream up this lame brained idea to flip the mattress, eat chocolate instead. 

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1 comment:

  1. This story should be's hilarious!
    A film-maker should pay you to do it all again.
    Some comedians from the distant past would have made a fortune doing this on stage.

    Judging from the pic at the end made it all worth while, I guess. And a Sealy mattress as well. WOW!


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