A Gentle Reminder, in the enchanted forest on Fantasy Lane.
Dear Levonne,
Thank you for your posting comment! I've moved it to this blog and linked your sites so others can enjoy them. Harley the puppy dog, came to me free, sight unseen. We needed each other. We were both in bad health and together we are getting stronger every day. I am so lucky. He's my favorite waste of time and one puppy can sure wreck a day's plans!
Last summer I was in the hospital in the Caribbean for nearly a month. (And this blog was born.)
THAT medical mess, put my finances head over heals. A gentle reader very recently, suggested I add subscriptions to my postings, in hopes of raising funds to help keep me writing and living and satisfying my mounting debts (the interest is piling up rapidly, no matter how much I pay down each month, it's frightening!). Many have suggested I simply file for bankruptcy, but I just can't do that. I was raised and taught to own up to my obligations. I just can't seem to even consider the thought of bankruptcy. It just isn't my style. I would hang my head, find my rope book, and start making a noose.
I've spent an adult lifetime paying every penny I owe, but this debt and the mounting interest, is so overwhelming, I sometimes just sit and cry like a baby. I've been robbed (nasty pirates, they KNOW who they are) and well I have to absorb that too, it's life. Then I quit feeling sorry for myself, get up and do things to make a better day. I pray everyday that I can meet my obligations and live another day.
I spend hours each day writing and working on more books to publish. I bought an old used motorhome, the cost overall was cheaper than a year's rent on my old home in the Caribbean. So it made sense to me financially. It sure beats the hell out of living under a bridge. My motorhome is 16 years old. I am super grateful I have a home.
I have sold everything I possibly can to keep on living, working, paying my debts. I work at marketing my books, I look for freelance work that pays.
I took a regular job, but my health problems deteriorated rapidly and I couldn't keep up the pace of the 8-12 hour work days. I felt like such a failure. I spend a lot of time getting well, staying well. I am no longer seeking medical help except in an extreme emergency, I might consider it. I just pray I get well for good!
The puppy gets me walking every day. I hope that will build up my stamina. I meditate on my medical problems and use a variety of penny pinching alternatives to improve my health. Sometimes I am so scared, so sick, I fear I've only minutes left on this lovely planet. At that point, I begin chanting, to clear my brain of everything and just focus on LIVING those terrifying minutes, until I am better, and the problem is gone again.
My medicines ran out, the drug store was super cantankerous about refilling them, the prescribing doctor refused to talk to me, his nurse would not contact him to renew them without me making a costly visit, a new doctor wanted huge up front fees to even see me and I could live more than a few weeks off the fees they were asking. Doctors' staff no longer ask "what's wrong?" when you show up nearly dead. They ask "Do you have insurance? Do you have cash? Do you have credit cards?" I've become super frustrated and just given up on professional care.
My gentle readers have been exceptionally encouraging. The reviews on Amazon for my last book have been a blessing. I'm alive, walking, and writing TODAY this wonderful day.
My subscribers, my readers, my book buyers, they are all blessed angels. I am so very lucky.
Things appear in the strangest ways. More angels.
While out walking, a farmer gifted me a bag of fresh produce. I couldn't stop thanking him enough. He seemed embarrassed "It's only a sack of vegetables!" he scoffed. But to me, it was heaven, a treat, a blessing, a wonderful surprise. I steamed some of the veggies for my lunch and dinner, oh my gosh, were they ever delicious.
Another night, recently, a friend offered to bring up groceries to cook out at my campsite. I asked him if he saw a cheap pair of tongs, to please buy them and I would pay him back. I had nothing to use on the outdoor grill, provided by the campground. Instead he showed up with gifts of food to grill, a set of Bar-B-Q implements (spatula, tongs, fork, all long handled with nice rubber grips) plus dog treats, paper towels, a box of tin foil and long lighters for the stove or grill. I felt so rich, like a kid at Christmas.
It seemed to snowball as two more friends over the next week brought up stuff to grill out, and now I had the BBQ set to do it with. Angels seem to be watching over me every step of the way.
I never knew people could be so wonderfully giving. For all my working life, I've been accustomed to making money, supporting myself, entertaining my friends, paying my bills and often living debt free. I never knew it could all come crashing down with a ride in an ambulance to ICU, which I refer to as the WHAM-bulance, because my life went WHAM BLAM! Over!
I woke up a different person, heavily in debt with little income and more than a few opportunistic pirates, who plundered and looted some of my assets while I was too sick to pay attention.
Maybe the higher powers felt I needed humility. I needed to go back to being THANKFUL for having air to breath, for having another chance to live another day, another minute, another hour.
I am super grateful and pray I never stop being thankful for this wonderful life. Maybe these hard times are just a fleeting moment. When I think of slitting my wrists, I think of the mess someone might have to clean up, the puppy who will be an orphan and I stop sharpening the knives, then put them away again. I start thinking of EVERY THING I need to be thankful for.
One way or another, I will work hard at paying back every penny of my debts. My subscribers have certainly been a HUGE encouragement, to keep on living, to keep on writing, to see more books through publication, a task that seems so monumental, but I will persevere.
Thank you for reading my blog and commenting on it.
Ahoy! Help support a crazy writer in her writing endeavors.
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