Late last night, I dozed off finally after the brutal bright lights were extinguished. But, alas, the prison wardens (nighttime nurse regime) CAUGHT ME sleeping, so I was rudely roused, m feets and legs slapped, while a mask was strapped over my face, new IV's were plugged in and all my vital signs were recorded. I tried to doze back to sleep.
A few hours later, I was nice and comfy, I had managed to escape all the wires, plugs, tubes, electrodes, masks and temporary has full possession of my body. I had lowered my bed some and was all cozied up, almost mermaid like, having a good little snooze. It was semi dark, it was quiet and I had a blankie (previously commandeered from X-ray) it's cottony soft and ratty, but very comforting.
Suddenly it's 5am and the warden that seems to hate me the most, discovered me in total comfort! She began yelling my name, slapping my feet, pulling off my beloved blanket, slapping my arms, slapping my ribs, slapping my head, I tried my best to scream at the top of my lungs to startle her as badly as she startled me, but all I could manage was a pathetic mew, worse than the runt of a large litter of kittens. Doomed. I am doomed.
I try to sit up and she is doing my vital sounds and wants to strap me up to everything again and I said "NO, not until I visit the bathroom!" She growled at me and I growled right back, again sounding like a half dying frog.
She handed me water and pills. The water was way colder than I expected, and somehow I choked up the pills and the water across the floor. This made my keeper even madder. I fumbled for my plastic clogs, I forget what you call them, oh yeah, crocks, and slipped them on and stumbled in a confused sleep walk down the hallway to the bathroom.
There was a frightening woman in the bathroom, it really startled me, then I realized it was the mirror and the face was mine. I did my business and sleep walked back to my bed. I was incensed, somebody had come by and rearranged all my personal things and moved them into a cabinet. Haphazardly my clean things had been stuffed into a bag with my used sweaty filthy dirty stinky clothing and this angered me.
I began tossing my things back out of the cabinet and onto my bed, when the warden rushed up and began telling me I was a mess and had to keep my things nice and orderly and put away to her liking. I was grumbling that SOMEBODY had mashed up my nice clean undies with my stinky sweaty dirty filthy clothes... and this would not work, and besides, what was I to do with this smelly mess? Catch a cab to the laundry?
I apologized profusely for my housekeeping (Um, excuse me, I've been busy trying to hurry up and get well and get the hell out of here or at least die in dignity?)
DO I NEED someone at 5am yelling at me and stressing me out when I am trying to get focused on positive things like getting well?
I might as well sign up for boot camp and get paid to take this abuse, not the other way around...
tee hee hee, har har har
bring on the happy drugs, I need some!
excuse my spelling, someday I forget to ask the spell heckler to help me out