Thursday, August 06, 2009

2009 08 06 Still Crazy

This post was listed twice, so I've deleted this one but the original one is here.

2009 08 06 PIZZA in PARADISE! Angels to the Rescue!

Oh my goodness!

Imagine my SURPRISE when PIZZA showed up! YIPPEE!!!!!

No more freezer burn rotten rock hard fake fish on a stale bun for my dinner tonight, it's PIZZA in paradise, courtesy of my good friends! WHAT a fantastic surprise! YAHOO!

There are ANGELS everywhere!


Speaking of GREAT food...

The other day my departing friend (she left for USA) brought me her very own HOME MADE Mango Jam and man oh man is THAT delicious. I thought it would go home with me, unscathed, but........

I found out about 2am when I was cranky as all get out from being shook, woke up, pricked, shot, stabbed, poked and generally annoyed all around. I was now WIDE awake and had the munchies.

I got out my secret stash of crackers and spent about ten minutes fussing with this homemade jam jar and FINALLY triumphantly opened it up. Because it was homemade, it was super sealed and at home I have these round rubber thingys I use to open jars but here in the hospital, I am ill equipped.

I spread the homemade Mango jam on a few crackers and YUMMY. Mango Madness at 2am!

Now it's PIZZA in paradise! YAHOO!

I'm saving up pizza for breakfast too!

My Air conditioning is still broke. *sigh* The whole ward is broke now and HOT and miserable and bellyaching. I've been calling around trying to beg, borrow, buy, steal a FAN with absolutely no luck at all.

My dress is stuck to me front and back. My clothes didn't come back from the laundry, so I do have one dress left to change into, but man oh man, sweat sweat sweat!

I climbed inside stairs today, and I climbed outside stairs today. I went for a short walk several times today. I wander the hallways. People used to try to help me, now they don't, they just let me wander.

I'm trying to build up my strength! My ribs ACHE though. I think we better X-ray again and make sure I didn't bust any up again.

There are a LOT Of vampires working here, and the devil too! More devils than you would think! Most of the staff are angels but then there are those in the middle, we don't know WHAT they are.

The nurse suggested I raise my bed up high to catch the high windows and the breeze. So this bed goes REALLY high! I now need to climb up on the chair, then into my bed!

It's not at all cooler up here at all.

The view is better.

The water coolers are EMPTY all day today. No air conditioning and no cooled water. I am surprised the staff doesn't just QUIT.

I guess it's hard to call in sick, when you work in a hospital!

2009 08 06 1255pm A NEW VAMPIRE in TOWN

I thought I had met all the vampires.

A NEW one showed up today. He looked at my battered left arm and lunged for my right arm.

I dove under the covers and hid it under a pillow with a loud "Uh uh! No!"

I presented my battered up left arm, with the big ugly black and blue bruises, the angry red staph infection, the swollen wrist, the pin-pricked fingers, the bloated red blotches from past vampires, the bandaids in assorted kid colors (I like the burple ones the best!)

He groans and asks "Why can't I have the RIGHT arm?"

"Cause I'm SAVING it!"

"Saving it for what?"

"In case I need to punch somebody out!" tee hee hee... (reason one?)

Mermaids don't go around punching anyone out. It was a joke! HAR HAR HAR!

Reason Two:
"It's my go-to-church arm (yeah, like they are going to let me outta here for church! )

Reason Three:
"To drive the entire staff of the hospital crazy!!!" (tee hee hee, ha ha ha, ho hoho!)

It makes me FEEL better anyhow, to have one good arm, but dang it, the nurses and vampires are all eye-balling it, they are just dying to get their grubby gloved paws on it and ruin it too, and I just won't let them.

DING DING! ROUND THREE and the MERMAID WINS (arm held high in the air!)

2009 08 06 1157am More Bad News

The team of doctos came in and crowded around. One pulled out his stethascope and listened to me at all angles. He made grave faces at the others, and shook his head.

I was all dressed up and packed, ready to go home!
I even told them I was ready to go home!

They laughed.

"You can't go home because you are far too weak, like a lost little kitten without a mother, you have to stay and get much stronger before you can go out on your own."

"Now tell us where it hurts..."

"Ok," I fessed up, "My ribs HURT, and my back hurts, but only if I breathe..."

"But, but, but! I've been doing the STEPS! I walk up and down the steps throughout the day! And if I go home, that means I can climb up and down my yard and driveway, so, um, I thought I was getting stronger!

Just not strong enough, and the fast that I climb a few stairs, then plop then in bed exhasuted, well , um, I've GOT to do better.

Now if SOMEBODY would come fix this Hospital's Air Conditioning. Be a shame to work this hard at getting well, only to die of heat stroke...

2009 08 06 921am Air Conditioning Gone Bye Bye

Would you work in a hospital if the sight of blood scared you?

Well, I met someone who works here who can't stand the sight of blood. They walked by me, let out a loud scream and called for the nurses to come running. Apparently blood was running down the backside of my arm.

I had no idea.

A nurse quickly cleaned me up while being scolded by the person who can't stand the sight of blood.

The Air conditioning was working at my end of the building and this morning I heard it when the fan went off. It died. No more air conditioing.

Now I am freshly showered and changed and dripping in sweat. The temperature is steadily climbing. My windows are covered in plastic. I am thinking of taking it down and opening the windows.

The devil came to do my vital signs. Scared me too. I don't like it when the devil comes near me.

SCAREY INDEED! The devil broke my air conditioining! AH HA!

I saw the patient in my former bed/location. Poor thing. She looked as miserable as me. Of course everyone mostly looks miserable here. THat's the point isn't it?

2009 08 06 128am Calling All Angels

I managed to sneak in a few hours sleep before they caught me napping!

Then at 1230am, they woke me up, turned on the bright lights and left me with my meds. I can see fine from the hallway lights, I really don't need the bright lights over my bed.

Since escaping the ward, the lack of the near constant frequent bright light torture has been refreshing. I should be GRATEFUL as can be. I have NO idea how I ended up in a private room, but I must admit, it feel great!

It was more fun in the hall, to watch all the activity going on around me, but now I get more rest, and that is a BIG help.

I get up and turn the bright lights back off.


I am wide awake now, so I pick up the phone and I call someone I know who gets off work this late and likes to chat before they go to bed. We talk about diabetes and diet and the roller coaster food plan they serve up here and call a diabetes diet when it is far far far from anything resembling a diabetic diet.

It makes me feel good, my brain is coming back (I think!) My friend who has battled diabetes for years is laughing at the awful diet here and saying stuff like "No wonder your sugar is off the wall! They have your calorie count all over the place for starters!"

I wanna go home, plain and simple. I am still weak, but I am getting stronger. My brain is functioning.

Getting hit over the head and the complications, well that's just going to be my reality, as no one seems inclined to do anything about that.


I ache though and this is new. My ribs ache, my back aches, I ache. This is NEW. Hmm...

I am beginning to think, they have done all they can do for me, now it's time to pull the plug and let me go home and pet my kitties.

Calling all angels, send me on home
We're hurting, we're crying, we're ready to go home
Calling all angels, send me on home.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

2009 08 05 608pm Ugh

Frozen breaded square fish, baked to rock hard, on a dry hard bun with NO condiments save for a sliver of grilled onion, tomato and iceberg. That was the entire dinner tonight.

Breakfast this morning was 3 frozen fish sticks and some dried up bread, no condiments.

Lunch came with a side of frozen vegetables, it was HEAVEN to have some veggies! I think the meat was stewed goat, real greasy, lots of bone, served with powdered potatoes and sliced melon. The melon was WONDERFUL.

I guess the GOOD food they sent around the other day, was just to trick us or make us feel special for carnival. Everyone is grumbling except for those who had relatives and visitors bring them good food from outside. They look smug with their food, and I don't blame them one bit.

This dried up fish and bread tonight, was just so demoralizing.

I should shut up and BE GRATEFUL for the food and the life and the fact I AM ALIVE!

I guess modern medicine will NEVER catch up to the fact that HEALTHY food goes a long ways to healing. That fish tonight was so tough and overcooked, there could not possibly be one shred of vitamin or nutrient left in it.

BAD NEWS, I have chemically induced diabetes, so now I am on insulin! I am grrrrrrrr....... grumpy!

They claim the food they send around is a diabetic diet, well I wonder what diabetic book they got that out of! Ha ha ha!

I want OUT of here.


Send me angels, send me home!

Let the mermaid Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

FREE the mermaid!!!

2009 08 05 1039am and it's no good, I just wanna go home

Now I can't stop crying.

The docs came around and right when I thought everything was going right, it's going all wrong.

I miss my kitties. I want something to pet and love.

I can't stop crying. I wanna go home.

Why won't my body just roll over and act right?

15 days in here and I wanna die or get well, I wanna go home.

2009 08 05 538am THEY LIED!

Another nurse roughly woke me up. The bright lights are turned on and I am shaken until my teeth rattle.

I stick out my arm.

What does she want?

Oh yeah, it's time to prove I am alive.

Nobody wants you dying on THEIR shift.

The paperwork is cumbersome, and the implied accusations... So here "nurse rough" goes about taking my temperature, my blood pressure and measuring my oxygen flow to prove I am still ALIVE on her shift.

Then she stabs me and draws blood and I let out a little "EEEEEK!" like I've seen a mouse and my voice ran away. All I can think is: HOW TIRED I AM!!!

I groggily ask her if she is going home.

"No!" she replies, "It's only 5am!"

She marches noisily away and leaves the bright lights on, shining in my eyes.

I fumble around, stand up, walk over to the light switch and turn them off again.


2009 08 05 This is the LAST time....

This is the LAST time I am going to wake you....

Oh I've heard THAT before!

The nurse leans over me and draws more blood. An hour ago, it was another shot. I have lots of shots now. I am not doing the IV thing since my bad arm gave out and I won't let them have my good arm. Small victories!

Now I am wide awake! I get up and close the curtains, climb back in bed and can't drift back off so I turn the computer on. It is 314am! Good grief.

My night is full of interruptions.

I thought it was close to sunrise. It's not. They've destroyed my inner clock, I am now always wrong instead of always right.


Tuesday, August 04, 2009

2009 08 04 740pm Dark thirty and the angels are WINNING

Two weeks.

Ive been in the hospital TWO WEEKS????? OH MY GOODNESS!

This has never happened to me before. Well, sort of, it happened a long time ago, but different mess. Oh ten or twelve years ago, hmm, I forget when, I was found in a pool of blood at Nanny Cay but I was in and out of the hospital in like 4 days or something speedy. THen I moved into the hotel and paid a bloody fortune to recuperate, as due to the emergency surgery, I couldnt get back on my boat right away. I spent a summer up in the foothills of the Blue Ridge mountains, getting stronger and then came back down to the BVI, hopped on my boat, and never looked back. I guess I shudda done some follow up care?????

Oh well!

I'm still alive! YIPPEE!!

I am trying to laugh and be positive and upbeat. The laptop and Internet has kept me from going nuts. But much of the day, I am just so tired, I just lay and stare at the ceiling and doze off into la de dah la la land.

I have cellular internet, I am not connected to the hospital net, not sure they even have internet, from what the starr tells me. The staff keeps saying, you have Internet? WOW! And I explain how it works on my laptop off the cell tower and so on.

I figured out how to download some funny TV shows then watch them and laugh. LAUGHTER is the best medicine!

I chant a lot.

And I meditate.

I also learned self-hypnosis from a prof hypnotist years back and I try that several times a day. It's great for pain management. Before they do awful things to me, I think about this really cool place in the mountains of SC/NC where there is this beautiful icy cold stream... and I let that icy cold stream chill me over and I don't feel a thing when they do the nasty to me...

It works too, unless they rush me and yell at me, but lately everyone has been so nice to me!

My friends brought in juice fruit and yogurt for my health and TREATS for my sanity *tee hee hee*.

The hospital doesn't accommodate special requests, you have to get on the phone and get someone to bring in your special requests.

My belly can't tolerate all these drugs without the yogurt. So I am so GRATEFUL to have a few good friends that have really been a HUGE help.

ANGELS everywhere.

I pray for angels. I dream of angels. I see angels. Angels are keeping me alive.


2009 08 04 4pm Depression

Had company this morning and that cheered me up BUNCHES!

Only two docs came around today. They kicked around ideas, cancelled meds, added meds, ordered more tests, looked at my bad arm, looked at my good arm. Listened to my chest shake rattle and roll.


I wanna go home

boo hoo hoo

I *sniffle* miss *sniffle* my kitties.

I miss my life

I miss my friends


Two weeks in a hospital is ALOT!

boo hoo hoo

send me more angels

they are saving my life

send me home again

let me feel the softness of my kitty's fur, lsten to him purr, I am so sad, sad , sad

boo hoo hoo

2009 08 04 6am I woke up ALIVE again!

I got too hot for the parade yesterday. My temperature soared up, so I ended up confined back to my bed. Sometimes I would get up and press my face to the window and try to see the parade, but I couldn't really see much, just HEAR the music. Very loud music and plenty of it for hours! My windows have plastic over them, so it's Claude Monet type views.

I woke up and my Father had sent me a hand written get well card and I was so startled because he died two years ago, the night carnival opened. He was a gentleman and visited his friends in the hospital (he met my mother visiting a friend in a hospital) and he loved to send cards and stuff.

Now that I am awake, I can't find the card he sent me. I guess I dreamed it all. Maybe not.

I dreamed I went home and all my potted plants were planted in the garden and teeny tiny, but the place was all cleaned up nicely. I dreamed the cats ignored me and were mad I had been gone so long!

NO one has doctored up my staph infected arm yet. It's gross looking. Yuck! Maybe they will get to it today. I still protect my good arm and let them keep destroying the bad arm. It keeps me sane I think.

AM I sane?

Company came by with bananas and you would think I am in the Caribbean now, what with eating a banana! What a treat! I heard groceries were hard to find around Carnival. I don't understand why, but it happens every year.

I think I used to know why, I just can't remember.

Getting hit over the head, well that has it's moments. I forget silly things, and other things I shall NEVER forget.

I won't ever forget eating homemade ice cream on the balcony here with my dear friend *tee hee hee*. And to think I thought I would be leaving then! Ha!

I don't WHEN I am getting out of here. Soon as I am strong enough to go home!

Last week, my dear friend L.H. from east end, brought me ice tea in a TALL cup and I've kept that cup ever since, making sun tea every day. I am down to my last Lipton green tea bag, I already ran through the Enchinecea tea bags. I find iced tea very healing. I gave up on the ice around here. I just make sun tea and drink it at room temperature. The tea is so refreshing! Green tea has plenty of antioxidents and loads of good stuff.

A lot of sick people around here.

I climbed the steps to the next floor and found another balcony to hang out on. I didn't stay too long. Somone had left their bandages there! Like a mummy escaping! I guess yesterday was kind of a slack day around here, what with the big carnival parade and all.

Everyone was in good spirits. Alot of people had company yesterday, folks all over the place and once the doctor rounds were done, it seemed visiting hours lasted all the rest of the day.

They set up a tent in the parking lot below. Then they brought the ambulance around and loaded it up with food and stuff, drive it down and unloaded it at the tent and set up a food stall for the parade. It's a good thing too, cause the parade had traffic stopped at both ends of the island for about five hours. I am amazed the staff made it to and from work and it seemed they all ate at the tent below.

It's 623am now and breakfast comes at 8am. Breakfast has been tiny lately. Last week it was an odd assortment of stuff. One day it was a whole weenie with a torn half weenie and white bread. Another day 3 frozen fish sticks and white bread. One day was a peice of deep fried Spam and white bread. Twice we got a teeny piece of cheddar cheese to go with the white bread. Twice I've had a tiny little spoon full of egg. I LOVE EGGS. I can't wait to get out of here and eat eggs! My cholesterol has been normal for years and I eat eggs! But I don't pile on the other meats, but man oh man, I can't wait to get out of here and have a nice big fluffy egg sandiwch on multi-grain with mayo, lettuce, tomato and cheese. Oh yum!

One day we had this strange bit of stuff, I asked around later, and the other patients think it was imitation bacon! My gosh, who ever heard of such foolishness! It looked like painted cardboard and came on top of the teeny tiny itty bit of scrambled egg. Another evening , we had a veggie patty on a bun. Now all sandwiches come SUPER DRY. Not sure what's up with that, but it must be SUPER DRY to be a sandwich here.

The veggie patty was pretty good, but it was so dry, it hurt the throat to eat it.

Most days I get a steamy cup of Ovaltine, with breakfast, but lately it's been a hot cup of Evaporated milk.

Which I should mention yesterday they sent over WHEAT bread twice! Once at breakfast they gave me wheat bread to go with the lettuce and tomato and then last night they gave me a tuna sandwich on wheat. It also came with the little rectangle bowl of Cheam of What. Now I get Cream of What for breakfast AND dinner? YUCK! Please Noooooooooo.

Several patients were grumbling about that! I don't blame them, Cream of WHAT once a day is bad enough. And NO, I don't pile it up with sugar either like they tell you too. "Just smother the Cream of WHAT in sugar, it will taste fine...."

Now everyone is a bad mood, no one wants Cream of WHAT twice a day. Come on folks.... They really want us on the phone all day, begging folks to bring us food. Most patients do have relatives bringing them food.

My chef friend brought me pizza and soup and veggies and fruits for a few days and OH MAN, it was heavenly! But now his place is closed for Carnival, so the party is over *tee hee hee*.

Another friend went shopping and brought over some basics like juice, fruit cups, crackers, bananas, and (shhhhhhhhhhhh) cookies! I wasn't a cookie person until now! YUMMY!

My blood sugar shot up here and now they prick my fingers all day and sometimes give me insulin. THis is all temporory. My blood sugar was fine for days, but then the diet and all and well it shot up! I guess after awhile, out of boredon, a patient will eat anything they put on the plate! Now they say it's a side effect of one of the many many dugz I am still on. (What happened to being weaned off???)

But really when I get out of here, I can't wait to have veggies and fruits and juices and beans.

My neighbor, V, bless his soul, brought me 2 clean dresses and my new eyeglasses! I can SEE beyond 3 feet now! WOOPIE!

I need a bath I guess. *sniff sniff* and time to change into a clean dress.

7am, another hour until breakfast.

My face is covered in a mask and medicines are pumped in for 20 minutes.

I hope to do some more stairs today.

I have to be STRONG to go home. I'm going to be all alone and I don't think the cats are going to cook much (here, have a mouse...with a lizard tail on the side...)

So I have to be able to cook and clean and walk and climb steps and hills and HEY, what about work? I have to go back to WORK at some point.

Good grief, it's all so mind boggling.

I'm signing off to go pray for ANGELS.

58 minutes until breakfast.

tee hee hee *hiccup*

2009 08 04 303am ALive and Cooling Off

I woke up with a start, a big scary dream. I am surprised it is only 303am.

I've been up several times tonight. Someone turns on the lights then leaves. I wake up, get up, turn off the lights, then climb back in bed.

I could hear the beeping, then it abruptly stopped. Is that me me or who?

I sit up confused and then a nurse pops in and says she heard me rattling around.

Do I rattle now?

She says my room is nice and cool.

I nod.

She asks if I want a light and I say oh no no no.

The hall lights are plenty bright.

I am sooooooooooooo confused.

I am going to lay back down and pray for deliverance.

Pray for angels.

More angels. Calling all angels. Calling all angels.

Monday, August 03, 2009

2009 08 03 353pm Angel Food

Let them eat CAKE!

THIS meal arrived yesterday at lunch and had the patients talking favorably and acting ALIVE! It is a very well done steack smothered in onoins with a slice of plantain and some peas and rice. It was delicious and came with a separate container of pale broccoli AND a piece of cake.

MORALE on my floor was UP 100%.


2009 08 03 319pm Marches the Parade

I can hear the parade!

Carinival is here!

I went out earlier but couldn't stay a long time. It's very hot and I am very tired. *sigh*

I am going to try to go out again and see it.

2009 08 03 1255pm More ANGELS!

The Festival Parade is starting and there is loads of music and whistle blowing.

The team of doctors came around this morning with two new docs on the case. My original doc seems to have memorized my entire case. I am impressed.

My records fill up a big blue notebook they trot around with, besides the charts hanging off the end of my bed.

I had a big lung infection, it seems pretty clear now. But I'm just terribly weak.

The vampire came around again. Those pesky white blood cells are out of whack and there is no reason for that yet. It's baffling us all.

When do I get out? Not sure yet!

Oh the thing on my arm has turned into a staph infection and will be treated later on today. Grrrr.........

I had a VISITOR who came to see my nice room. We sat here in awe! WOW!

I have a window too, a view of the trees and the harbor.

I can hear the parade but not really see it.

I may try to go sneak a peek. It looks like the docs and nurses are done with me for now...

I ate a handful of pills and let out a nice long burp! tee hee hee

I am just a river rat, full of toxins, I can't wait to get out and clear my self of all these poisions!

2009 08 03 611am Angels Hard At Work!

Angels keep coming by to ask about my room and my comfort. I thought the staff would forget me and I would be here all alone struggling, but no. I was wrong (AGAIN!)

The staff keeps coming by at all hours to bring me meds and check on me.

I STILL don't know HOW I ended up in a private room!

It feels GREAT because the A/C is working in here and yesterday it broke in the hall, making it pretty hot. I didn't complain or anything, just kept taking showers to cool off and sitting out on the veranda.

I keep the door to my room open all the time. I don't want to be totally isolated. I know since I have been living in the hall, this door has been closed, I had NO idea it was a private room lurking behind the closed door. I just figured it was somebody's office or something.

This morning an angel came in and wanted to know if it was too cold for me and if I was having trouble breathing and I said "ARE YOU KIDDING? This feels GREAT!"

Heck, maybe nobody thought to climb up on the furniture and fix the thermostat, ten feet from the floor...

I haven't checked this shower, but I did fix the shower down the hallway. It was reduced to a tickle of a trickle. I took it apart, one day, and cleaned out the hunk of rust and put it back on, and it works almost like a regular shower now.

The commode seat is busted off in here. No idea why. Maybe somebody threw a temper tantrum. Mysteries abound... It was laying in the floor in several pieces when I discovered there was a private bath here!

More pills arrived, but the pile is shrinking. I am going cold turkey on the pills too, tee hee hee.

At least that is what I understood from the docs the other day. Let's take me off ALL medication then see what my white cells are doing next!

But the meds keep pouring in, so I might have misunderstood.

Heck, I fly HIGH so often, it's hard to tell what's going on.

I'm just so GRATEFUL they haven't forgot about me down here.

The paint is fresh, the curtains are clean, the bed is the softest, nicest bed I have ever been in.

I even have TWO chairs in case I get a visitor. WOW!

I still have NO idea how I went from the crowded hallway to the serenity of this!

Must be ANGELS, must be angels!

2009 08 03 213am A Trained Seal

I woke up wondering where I am, nothing looked right. A nurse hovers over me. It's time for meds.

THAT's why I woke up.

Time for drugz.

The mattress is VERY comfy.

She straps a mask over my face and the meds pour in. I look like the devil snorting in the cold air!

The room has cooled down, my fever has left. Of course I was climbing up on a chair, balancing on one foot, to reach the thermostat, ten feet up the wall, praying, Lord, please don't let me fall down and BREAK anything. That sure would be embarrassing!

I don't know WHY I am in a room now. It sure feels nice. I miss watching all the activity of the hall.

The other patients that are ambulatory already KNEW I was moving, even before I did. It's a joke when I ran into them while strolling for the veranda "Party in my room!" tee hee hee.

One patient said he spent 7 months in my room, then one day they just moved him out and he hasn't had it back since. Another said, yeah, he was in it for two weeks, then one day they moved him out.

They tell me it is NICE, has it's own bath (it does?) and all the machines are right there, state of the art stuff and the wall of oxygen, as the doc likes to call it.

Was it my snoring? THe nurse said the other night I was snoring up a storm! I know I am mightily tired and this bed feels so GOOD.

We talked about another patient who was recently in the room, but booted out and to the hall. I've been in the hall since arrival. It never occurred to me, they would MOVE me.

I've seen a few other patients come and go from this room. One can't help but peek as you walk by to see WHO is in the room and what they might be attached to while laying there. Of course one can shut the door.

The door was shut most of last week, whoever was in here, didn't want to be seen. I don't want the door closed. I am alone in here.

It being Carnival, Iam not expecting company, though I am have no complaints if any shows up!

My neighbor dropped off a fresh dress and my new prescritpion eye glasses, so I can now SEE beyond 3 feet. WOW!!!


2009 08 03 1223 am MOnday

Dinner arrived and WOW it looked like a beautiful chicken breast, a REAL baked potaot and a tossed salad with nice dark leafy romaine and tomato. A BUTTER pat was even added along with a small thingy of dressing for the salad!

I must have fallen alseep and am dreaming BIG time! I arranged and reaaragned my food on my plate and table. I wanted to savor the fine food, and before I could get settled. along came a nurse and an orderly.


I looked startled. I had just turned my table on wheels to face the windows and now my view was being stolen.

WHat did i DO?

I asked.

NOTHING! YOu will love the new room.


I'm getting a ROOM???

Sunday, August 02, 2009

2009 08 02 542pm Sunday

It's Carnival here and it seems surreal to be in the hospital.

The air conditioning seems to have broken on our floor, no idea what they are going to do about it (probably nothing).

The Docs made brief rounds today. Wanted to know if I had Chicken Pox before! So funny. Yes, had that as a child. I had all the childhood diseases, I felt so sorry for my mom. ALl I remember about my early childhood, is being sick and rocking in my little wooden rocker with my fuffy (blanket) and sucking my thumb while waiting to get well.

Back in those days, the Doc made house calls, my mom didn't even have a car of her own, and dad worked too far away for her to load up all the kids, drop him at work and be able to keep the car. So the doc came to us in his big Cadillac. And he smoked! Tee hee hee! He would walk in the door with this big stately black bag, his medical kit.

There weren't cell phones in those days, but somehow the Doc made rounds all day from house to house, taking care of the sick. I guess his hapless receptionist must have chased him by patient phone to phone throughout the day. It does seem like he always used out phone before he left the house.

His magic bag had drugs, potients and shots. If he didn't have what he wanted, he would call the local drugstore and they would send somene around to drop off whatever we needed.

lunch looked great and dinner looks great, am I sick?

Or itis the dates? End of month, bad food, first of month, good food?

I can't figure out the ryhm or reason for the way they feed us here.

From truly awful to pretty darn good!

Or maybe because it's carnival and we are stuck here, they are making it nice for us.

Who knows?

Bless this food! Thank you!


2009 08 02 935am Rats, Darn, Shoot, Fiddlesticks

After breakfast, which today contains ONE tablespoon of EGG (I love eggs!) I strolled outside and right down the steps to the nice shady area under the Tamarind tree and pretended I was going home. It felt SO good, I almost flagged down a taxi and LEFT!

Even funnier, a young man came along, admiring my long hair and begged for my phone number and I must admit, that got me laughing and cutting up and feeling GOOD again. I am thinking this young guy needs EYEGLASSES! I suggested he give me HIS number but he went through loops and hoops trying to explain why it would be better if he had MY number and me trying to explain, I spend much of my day under a face mask and can't talk anyhow...

But it made me feel great and then I saw the doctors come to work, so I dragged myself back up the steps and past the gate keeper, then down the hallway and plopped back in bed. Now I am sweaty and coughing and turning red,white and blue.

I debate about what to do next. Do I nap, or do I sleep?

Oh yea, doctor's rounds!

The docs come and they don't like my ugly arm (neither do I!) The blood tests came back and the white blood cells have soared again!


I burst into tears.

I wanna go home.

I miss my cats.

I miss my life.

I wanna live.

I wanna breathe.

I wanna finish the next book, I am SO CLOSE to finishing it!!!

I wanna pet my cats!

Boo hoo hoo!

OK, sniffle, they gave me a long list of what I DON'T HAVE!

But what is eating Dear Miss Mermaid? Literally?

The team of doctors has grown, I feel confident they will find SOME way to bring these white blood cells back in line again. This is SO CRUEL!

2009 08 02 612am The Angels and Sunshine and Elephant Poop

Apple juice can go a LONG ways to make one feel healthy in a hurry. It's a great way to keep the body "regular". What with the unusual food here, the piles of stress, and so on, you can imagine I became, um, packed up, rather quickly.

Several friends have dropped off large containers of Apple Juice and this is HEAVEN. It tastes great at any temperature, (they brought me the screw lid type, not the canned type, has to have a screw on lid) and it quickly put my internal system back in order without medical intervention.

But it did recently cause a major embarrassing plumbing problem!

Currently the men and women are sharing a bathroom here, no one has fixed the mens' room, and so few of us on this floor can actually get out of bed and go use the bathroom, so who cares that we've become a unisex bath. We try to make sure no one else is in there and take turns using it alone.

Well, I skipped a day or two without Apple Juice (I ran out!) and well my "system" packed it up. Finally someone dropped off Apple Juice for me, so I drank the whole half gallon bottle over the afternoon.

Ahhh, it began to do it's magic so I headed for the ladies room.

We have had numerous power outages (Carnival takes a lot of current) but so far the hospital has been great at switching us back and forth to generators and back again. Once in awhile there is a hiccup in the water supply, but it eventually comes back too.

I haven't figured out the hot water routine, when we get it and when we don't. It just appears once in awhile and other times is totally elusive. One reason I shower at odd hours, I am never sure if I am showering in the cold water, lukewarm water or hot water. I test it throughout the day and if it hits a temperature I like, I run grab my stuff and shower.

Anyhow, I didn't need a shower, I just needed a toilet. I arrived at the ladies room and the toilet was spotlessly clean, but bone dry. Not a drop of water in it! Grrrrrrrr........

I had no choice and couldn't really wait any longer, so I got all comfy and did my thing.

When I stood up to flush, it wouldn't flush (water was off or something) and I foolishly TOOK A LOOK in the toilet.


I felt like I was trapped in a dark comedy, a movie, not a life *tee hee hee*.

It looked like the world's BIGGEST donkey had made a poop deposit in the toilet.

I stared in horror! It literally looked like 20-30 pounds of you know what! I mean had I been out hiking and found a pile THAT BIG, I would have been scared, VERY SCARED and begun suspecting an elephant had found it's way on island...

I fiddled with the toilet knobs, I twisted and turned the water knobs, I tried EVERYTHING to coax that toilet to flush and NOTHING was happening.

I stared at the offending pile of poop. HOW did THAT much poop come out of me? AM I seeing things? I bet I just lost 15-30 pounds, just like THAT. Oh m GOODNESS!

This can NOT be real.

I tried to flush the toilet again and nothing happened.

Finally in total disgust, I closed up the toilet, cleaned myself with a half gallon of sanitizer and I shuffled back to the bed feeling VERY light.

I awoke from my nap and shuffled down to the ladies room. In stall two, there was the offending elephant poop, only now, the water was ON. So I flushed.

Well, do you know what happens when elephant poop sits "drying out" for hours and THEN you try to flush it with water?

Well NOTHING happens.

No amount of flushing could make this king kong sized mountain of poop slip down the toilet and into anonymity.

I thought to myself, am I the freak star of some horror show now??? Thank goodness this restroom has multiple seats and no one has "discovered" this yet. But now, no amount of flushing seemed to make that pile of ca-ca the least bit interested in just GOING AWAY.

(Why me LORD? WHY ME?)

I gave up and went back to bed, unsure whether to burst out laughing or burst into tears!

I was dozing off asleep when I was startled by a "OH MY GAWD! scream and a flurry of giggles and laughter and "YOU GOT TO SEE THIS!" and it was the cleaning crew. They had gone to clean the ladies rest room and GUESS WHAT THEY FOUND!

Apparently several nurses and others went to see this mountain of elephant poop which now had everybody talking, wondering where in the hell did THAT come from.

I slipped out on the porch. No one ha asked me a thing and I am keeping my mouth SHUT.

I hear the men talking. "Somebody left 30 pounds of poop in the toilet, now THAT kinda thing is exactly why the women don't want the men using their toilets... I saw it too, looked like a donkey spent all week filling up the toilet. Disgusing....

2009 08 02 1248am sunday

Midnight at the oasis

put your camel to bed

One day I had a LIFE and then one day I woke up in the hospital!

A good team of docs are trying to put the mermaid back together again

Just not many medical books around about mermaids,,,

So I keep them guessing


I've had a GREAT full life

and hopefully will have many many more???

the devil turned up tonight

I fought her off, grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....

she got a little blood out of me,

but not much

I blew garlic all over her hair

tee hee hee
Angels are coming

I can hear them

Angels are coming

It's midnight in the land of good and evil

Angels are coming


I slide back under

Hiding from the devil

The angels will find me

Saturday, August 01, 2009

2009 08 01 Pin Pricks and Donkey Races!

I fell asleep and someone came and stuck my GOOD arm with a shot!

ARGH! I woke up and grumbled and growled and said "NOT my good arm! NOOOOOOOO! I've sacrificed this other arm, we are NOT doing both!"

Apparently, now they feel the need to pin prick my fingers every hour or so. The meds have spiked up my sugar and now I need temporary insulin. Good grief! I'm supposed to be getting better not worse here.

So, I am still jealously guarding my good arm, while insisting they continue to destroy the bad arm with pin pricks and shots and what have you. I have a friend that works in the hospital, but we hardly get to chat much, she is busy of course working, but she lights up my life when I see her.

When she is on duty, she tries to do all my "stuff" so we get to have stolen conversations and I of course feel TEN TIMES BETTER when she is taking care of me, a familiar face that understands me wanting to keep my good arm GOOD...

As I explained to the Vampire, I am going to NEED this arm for the Donkey races in Carrot Bay on Friday!

My nurse friend whipped around and said "Oh noooo, you are NOT doing the donkey races this year."

This particular nurse has known me for 15+ years and I am THRILLED when she is on duty. A true professional, extremely dedicated and does her job like a real angel. (We need more like her!)

"WHAT??? The races are a week away and if you LEAVE MY GOOD ARM ALONE, i shall be FINE for the donkey races!"

"Nope, you aren't going to be there this year. No Donkey races for you." and she sadly shook her head at me.

This can't be! I thought, well I HOPED, well, (this is the part where my bottom lip quavers and I want to just CRY my eyes out) I, I, I, w-w-w-w-would be out of the hospital by Friday...

"Besides, you broke your leg at the donkey races, what, 2-3 years ago?"

"Um, well yes, 3 years ago, I think, hell, who is counting, it wasn't That bad.."

"Yes, I remember, you came to the emergency room, said your ankle was sprained and we found your leg busted in two places, you got a big heavy cast and we made up a nice bed for you and before we could settle you down, you took the ambulance back home at some unruly hour..."

I sheepishly nod my head. "Um, yes, I didn't know you were on duty or I would have stayed...:

"Oh please!" my friend rolls her eyes. "And it took you what, 8 months to walk again without the canes and walkers?"

"Um, just a few months..."

"OK, I admit, I was scared of the hospital then TOO! Scared me so bad, and I had cats to feed and my donkey to look after and....."

Now the powers to be notice the nurse has lingered too long over me and it's time for her to shuffle onwards...

I sit here all alone.

No donkey races?

How can that be?

I will make the donkey races, you just wait and see... Let's see, if I go hide in the back of the ambulance, then call and tell them we need them at Carrot Bay...hmmmmmmmm...

I just CAN'T miss the donkey races!

2009 08 01 1257pm Arm on Holiday

I worry about the high fat in the diet here...

This is powder potatoes and stewed meat I think. Not sure what kind of meat, but it's difnitately not vegetarian stuff. I guess the grease should lubricate the other end *TEE HEE HEE* Most of it's bone, with a few bits of fat and meat clinging to it. The sauce is just melted fat or grease, hell I have no idea, there is no flavor.

And a wonder why I am sitting here craving veggies and salads... Of course I LOVE pizza and actually if you order lots of veggies, pizza is a good source of a balance meal. My friend brought me a pizza the other night and it was YUMMMYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The pin cushion needs a break! They've unplugged EVERYTHING today and I feel GREAT. My arm is slowly shrinking...

They keep eyeballing my good arm, and I say LOOK but don't touch! I already let you WRECK one, you can't wreck two! So now I am swallowing handfuls of pills, cups of pills, shot glasses of pills... AND GUARDING MY GOOD ARM.

I am VERY tired, but if I fall asleep, the gremlims might come ruin my good arm!


Ptoouey! Pink ones, red ones, white ones, skinny ones, fat ones, round ones, long ones, square ones, rectangle ones... pills, pills, pills!

Speaking of WRECKING, how do you ruin peas and carrots? I was SO thrilled to see peas and carrots today, but somehow they heated them up until they tasted like cardboard. I don't get it! How you do dat?

Yesterday we had bean salad, the stuff out of the can, but they COOKED IT, boiled it something awful and it was the most hideous taste I've ever had. How you open a can and RUIN IT???

WHOSE job is it here to RUIN identifiable food? Why dey do dat? Can I slap some sense into you?

Job Description: Must be able to take simple food and ruin it, after making sure there are NO nutirents left what so ever in the food, must make sure to trick patients into thinking ruined food is the best...

Bean salad is meant to be served COLD, not boiled until the beans are tough as shoe leather! And the tastes, gag me, when you think you are getting a delightful bean salad and it's boiled to death, OMG, so SAD.

Yet the powdered potatoes were made to perfection, minus the salt, minus the butter, minus the milk, minus the pepper, but at least when you tasted them you KNEW it was powder potato, it wasn't like they ruined that too.

I WORRY about the high fat in our diets here:


Send over cookies and juice!

2009 08 01 1240pm three steps backwards

New docs, old docs, new meetings, more bad news.

More tears, more crying.

The white blood count is soaring and still no reason why. Lots of tests so far, still more to come...

WHAT is sucking the life out of me?

I'm being weaned off some drugs, other new ones are being introduced.

I am on holiday from the IV's for now. Complications with my bad arm and I won't let them touch my good arm, so all the stuff has been pulled out for now! YIPPEEE!!!

I walked up and down the outside steps today and found a secret bench to sit on, well not so secret, but it's rarely used.

Cookies and Juice, it's all I want now. Comfort food, like a child, bring on the cookies and juice, make me feel better. I want my MOMMY!!!! Boo hoo hoo.

2009 08 01 ALL the Questions...

I know I am being peppered with the same questions:

WHat happened?

What have you got?

What's the diagnosis?

When do you get out?

I have so FEW answers.

What happened is I collapsped and tlaking about it is painful, but I have and I will but it's so BORING....

I don't know WHAT I have, lots of tests being run, but I am getting BETTER.

I have or had a BIG infection that apparently rendered my body useless.

I don't know WHEN I will get out (but it sure is tempting to escape!!!)

But like the gate keeper who alerted the head honcho that I was on the loose at 4am and in the parking lot, they told HIM,

(Don't WORRY, she can't get far in the shape she is in... call us when she falls down, and we come get her...)

RIght now I am BURNING up and I am going to go outside and sit in the wind.

Later alligator

2009 08 01

The attendant came in to do my blood sugar and I said, I bet it's high now isn't it. ANd he said yes. I said it was LOW when I came in, nice and normal.

"Oh really?" he says.

"Yes, it was nice and normal when I first got here. Well, at least IT works! I'm the lab rat to prove it IS true!"

"What works?"

"The hospital diet designed to put me into a diabetic coma, it's working!"

"Oh THAT" he giggles.

Breafast arrives. White cream of goo in a square bowl, 8 packs of white sugar, 1 pak of imitation grape jelly, 4 half slices white bread, a teeny tiny itty bitty shot glass of the beloved juice I SO CRAVE and the usually boiling hot Ovaltine in a mug. Today's accoutrements are a teeny tiny window slice of cheese (so thin you can hold it up to the window and see right through it) and a slice of pink tomato and the cream du al cream a piece of ROMAINE LETTUCE! I bet it weighed at least a tenth of a tiny gram and I soooooooooooo treasured that dark leafy spec of health! I eat the lettuce righ away and immediately feel guilty, I didn't go much much slower and savor it much much longer.


I stumbled across thse funny quotes about Cream of What: ( NO one knows for sure what we are getting here, Cream of Wheat or Cream of Rice of Cream of Oat or Cream of What? There is nothing creamy about it at all, but it's not near as lumpy this week as last week, so things are improving I guess!

>>>>(Cream of Wheat) can anyone tell me why my local supermarket gives me four choices for what should be one of the most basic foods on the shelf? See the picture below that I snapped yesterday. We apparently have a 10-Minute version, a 2.5-Minute version, a 1-Minute version, and an Instant version now:

.....And perhaps more importantly, if the stuff is to be eaten hot, how much quicker could “Instant” really be than “1-Minute”? Who is the person who needs to shave a few seconds off of their one-minute breakfast drill?

I agree and burst out laughing, my cream of what flying around the room! Tee hee hee! Is life so bad that they have to come up with an instant breakast FASTER than one minute???

Yesterday, I ate ALL the fruit my friend brought. It was pre-chopped and in a bowl and it was HEAVEN. I thought I had died, it was SO GOOD. Plus I got a GOOD hit of the honest to goodness plain yogurt and man oh man, that was heaven on earth! I must be DEAD, life is so GOOD!

tee hee hee *hiccup*

2009 08 01 752am THANK YOUS

My friends have designed this site,


ANGELS, every one of you! Angels!!!!

Tears of joy to be loved!

Thank you! Thank you!

2009 08 01 652am Of Course I'm in as much Pain as possible

Isn't that the whole idea behind being hospitalized? SO that I am in as much PAIN as possible?

If I had no pain, I would have walked out of here, and hitchhiked home to my kitties a week ago!

My friend nervously came to the veranda. She looked at me, she looked at the place, she gagged, coughed, turned pale and then turned green. Looking quite ill she leaned over and whispered, "I will bring my truck around, you just hop in and we GO! I get you out of here! I will save you!"

And you wonder why I spend all day trying to laugh or make others laugh or anything to keep from crying, to keep from hanging my self in my IV cords...

A uniformed "person" I have never seen before (well I may have, and just don't remember) came by and asked me if I was in pain "or anything".

Of course I am in pain! And I nodded my head, that I was in pain.

Again she asked: "Are you in pain or anything?"

Again I answer "YES! I am in pain!"

"You're in PAIN???"


"Does it hurt?"

"YES, it hurts!"

"Where does it hurt?

"Well, it only hurts, if I breathe, swallow, cough, walk or move my eyes. The only time I don't hurt is when I sleep without the big bright you-better-confess-NOW lights, but I am now so sleep deprived, that I hurt ALL the time. MAYBE if I got to sleep an ENTIRE HOUR or two without the BIG bright lights in my face, without the corporal punishment, without somebody slapping me around, the pain MIGHT have a chance to go away.

"Oh, does it hurt MUCH?"

"YES! It hurts a LOT!

"How much is a lot?"

"Well, if you come closer, I will SHOW you how much it hurts...."

I sit there and see myself in another world, in another dimension, grab her scrawny neck and wring it around a few times and then tape her eyes open for 24 hours and turn on the torture lights then ask her ten times DOES IT HURT NOW? DOES IT HURT NOW? Meanwhile I be slapping her feet the way that devil slaps mine and scream at her DOES IT HURT NOW? Every time I catch her sleeping, I slap her awake and make her wait HOURS to pee then ask her DOES IT HURT NOW? DOES IT HURT NOW? Then while she drifts off to sleep, I slap her jaw a few more times, like they slapped mine so many, that it is swollen and hurting and ask her DOES IT HURT NOW???

OK calm down.


Isn't that the point of being in the hospital? TO be in as much pain as possible?????

2009 08 01 628am No Corporal Punishment

I had the eye mask on and the oxygen. I had even lowered the bed some, to pretend I could almost sleep horizontal (har har har, tee hee hee, cough, giggle, cough...) If a flat bed is at 180, then I was laying at about 240 degrees I guess, oh well.

No one slapped me or anything, just began calling my name. I tried to sit upright, I could tell the massive lights were on and the voice was telling me to take the face mask and put it on but my body was screaming for the bathroom, now that I was in this half way fog of life or death, of unconsciousness or consciousness.

That limbo, of where I wander just WHERE am I?

Another stern voice yells for me to go the restroom.

It's hard to tell if I am in prison or the hospital.

I stumble up and nearly fall down. I wish the powers were patient. I really do NOT want to brake anyting ELSE in here.

I began weaving around and stumbling, it's the best I can do at this unholy hour and what with the super sharp bright lights drilling a hole in my head and I do NOT have my prescritption glasses here and that's a head ache all it's own...

Another voice yells at me to be careful!

I think DUH, why don't you people let me WAKE UP gently and go pee SAFELY without threat of breaking anything, then torture me with your lights and masks after I am SAFE in bed again?


Finally I weave back down the hallway like a drunk on a joy ride and back to my bed. I can't do anything to do this ANY better. At home, I WAIT until I am able to walk without breaking much, and then head for the head, I don't just have someone torture me then force me to go walk under threat that otherwise, I will be strapped to the bed, unable to pee for an hour when my sides are about to split and so on....


Friday, July 31, 2009

2009 07 31 254pm Friday...

The devil comes in all disguises!

This morning a "person of knowledge" (I don't dare want to insult the good folks that are working hard to take care of us unruly sickly patients...) but to shorten "person of knowledge" to prick? Tee hee heee.. I mean this was someone is HIGH up in the chain of things, so to speak...

This, um, devil, came by and saw me all decked out in my clean dress and my hair all clean and more or less brushed and he said "OH! You are going home today!"

I looked at the all the meds dripping into my arms, removed the face mask and mumbled "I'm going home?"

"Is someone going to load up my IV's for me? Will you show me how they work? What if I get sick? Who do I call? How do I turn these things on? How do I turn them off? Will there be oxygen too? Can you show me how that works? The nurses won't let me touch it, now I am going home alone with it?

And the ambulance doesn't like to come to my neighborhood, will they come anyhow, if I call? If I can't sleep horizontal here, will I be able to sleep horizontal there, or shall I try a zillion pillows or get a bed from Red Cross or what?

I mean I had a LOAD of questions and apparently needed a crash course in self nursing. I hadn't had much sleep at all and now was WIDE awake, and thinking, this is it?

Carnival is here, and out on the sidewalk I get dumped? Be well! Go home! We found your dress, your hair is clean, go home!

Finally this DEVIL said "Oh, maybe you aren't going home yet..."

I had thoughts of cats in my mind, and THAT made me happy. I was thinking the house needed a good cleaning and veggies and fruit juice and yogurt and I sooooooooooooooo looked forward to petting my cats!

Soon the crowd of professionals crowded around my bed, the curtains were drawn, and I was spitting out questions about going home, and how to do this IV stuff and so on. Someone finally says "WHAT makes you think you are going home?"

I told them who said what and so on, and well, it was eyes rolling and so on.... stuff I explain later, Lucy...

KER-BOOM! WHAT did they SAY?

I'm not going home?

But, but, but, but, I was just told by..............

and *sniffle* and *sniffle* I truly am homesick and *sniffle* ....

I'm not going home???

Not now.

Not yet.


A psychiatrist was sent around next, whether to certify I am certainly full blown crazy or to calm me down from my manic excitement about going home!

Not yet.

Not going home.

The bubble burst.

Soon come, but not now.

The pink dress sure makes me feel BETTER, letting my hair blow in the breeze feels GREAT.

The shrink wanted to know about my depression............. um....... that seems typical doesn't it? One day your life is fine, the next you are an experiment in a hospital bed, reduced to a river rat, full of toxins. You pray you get to go home every day and then they blow your dreams right out of the water.

And you wonder why I feel depressed? Ummmm....

Boo hoo hoo.

All the profs. marched off, they have many more patients to deal with besides wittle old me.

I settle back with my oxygen, thinking WOW, it almost happened....

I thought my miracle was here, you just wake up one day and that's it, they unplug everything and off you run, happy go lucky, a skip and jump!



Then two friends poked their head around the curtains and LOVE is the best medicine, no doubt about it. I plastered on my smiles and struggled out of the oxygen, and off to the veranda we went and it was the NICEST visit ever, to FORGET this place for a few minutes and enjoy life.

Back to bed, lunch came, some super tough fish with fungi (fungi was really good!) and some teeny tiny but VERY sweet treasured pieces of melon. I wanted to suck melon all day......
I was laying about, just breathing oxygen, when suddenly another SURPRISE!!!!
Here came an Angel right out of the books, big beefy angel with long angelic grayish curls, a cherubbish face and in his massive paw I can see straight through the baggies is a big bowl of fresh fruit and YUMMY a big plain yogurt!


I am getting out of here ONE DAY SOON,

alive and vertical!

SOON! I just know it!

2009 07 31 854am Friday the 31st

OMG! How long have I been lost here?

Around 330am, I couldn't take the heat and sweat anymore, I got a sleepy staff to wrap up my arms and I staggered to the ladies room.

I dragged a shower chair under the newly fixed showed (yeah, I fixed the shower... no kidding!) ANd I sat there and dumped liquid hand soap over my hair and washed it all.

THen I sat for the next half hour trying to wash it all out. The trickle is the best I can get going. SOmebody knocked on the dooor and I did my best imitation at growling like a wild creature of the night.

I wish I had conditioner, it owuld have gone faster, but I wish I weren't here too...

I came back and now the 4-5am super bright lights were on. I dressed in my pink dress!

THAT was a suprise when I found it. I thought due to the stains and problems, it had been tossed out, (it was the dress I wore upon arrival in the ER) but the sweet angel who does laundry here, had apparently gone to great pains to save it. So WOW, my wardrobe is HUGE now with 3 dresses to choose from. What more could a mermaid want?

I grabbed my new hair brush, courtesy of the Minneaplois/East END Angel and headed for the veranda and annonced to the startled gatekeeper that I was going to do my hair brushing outside.

He let me out (the door was open and I slipped right through!) then he bolted upright and apparently went to report my appearance/disappearance.

I sat on the veranda in the predawn, thoroughly exhausted, but felt GREAT, even though I could barely comb my hair.

I amy be super tired, but I am ALIVE and my hair is CLEAN.

OK, back to bed again...

2009 07 31 238am

Im hot and sweaty

Many trips down the hall to the bathroom

Can't sleep hot in a backwards dress

Im so GRATEFUL to be alive and have shelter, food and medical care.

Lucky me

In a backwards dress

Thursday, July 30, 2009

2009 07 30 1009pm one handed again

BRIBES WORKS TOO.... more on that later...

i need to write a sad country song about typing one handed in a too armed world...

I appreciate u bearing wiff me on my posts. trying to find the humor amongst such sadness, trying to make life funny, no wonder they say "die laughing!"

my dress is on backwards

i noticed but couldn't do anything about it,

the scary thought is,

it still FITS...

no one else has noticed tee hee hee, or they figure its par for the course...or they are too polite to mention it...

or lets face facts, it's too much trouble to change it around right, so no one cares...

my clean dress came back from the laundry, so at some point, I will shower and wiggle out of the backward dress and try the other one.

After over a week, I am tired of my 2 bit wardrobe,


shall I wear the blue abstract dress or the green Monet dress?

Hmm, which matches my skin better today, the blue or the green?

Every chance I get, I make a tall plastic cup of sun tea in the window, sometimes I can get someone to bring me ice and bask in the luxury of real iced tea, but mostly, I drink it room temperature and am grateful as hell to have shelter, food and tea, no matter what form it takes.

Sure the food is curious here much of the time, well not if you like loads of grease, super tough meats, and lots of white stuff (white bread, white cream of what, white pasta, the white rice, the white fake smashed potatoes, white lettuce, white tomato, etc)

They must have somebody around here itching to practice their enema technique...

They HEAVILY encourage your family to bring you food and to feed you too if you can't feed yourself. I see some dedicated family members that come and spoon feed their loved ones every day. Now THAT is true love. Brings tears to my eyes.

The BIG MALE ANGEL CHEF drove miles out of his way, called me up again and said "Psssssssst! Mermaid! Meet me out front!" and he brought me a big pile of veggies and salad and a big bowl of soup and it was better than dying to go to heaven!

I woke up one night, and the nurse bent over me in a traditional uniform and her name was the same as the nurse who worked with my family doctor for umpteen years.... Was it real or an angel or a BIG coincidence? She took such gentle care of me. An angel. A real angel.

we inhale them, we snort them, we breathe them, we swallow them, we run them up our veins, and just about any other method, we are on drugs here, it's like hanging out with a bunch of junkies...

We're not going cold turkey, we're digging in deeper until our bodies are rivers of poisons, sent there to kill all the other poisons... no wonder I am high as a kite much of the time, wondering how I got here, and when will I be strong enough to go home?


I have to double my strength and then HOME I go, ho ho ho! Plus, I plan to go cold turkey off these doctor induced drugz......

They accidentally gave me SOMETHING that turned my teeth BRIGHT white! Sheesh, what luck, I guess! I thought it was my imagination, but then my friend came to visit and said WOW, you have dental work done here too? And I said, um, no, I just paid a BRIBE to get a toothbrush... (yes it's TRUE, more on bribes later...)

She said they looked fantastic and I said, well I thought they looked whiter in the mirror too, but figured I was SEEING things.

She looked closely and said THEY ARE WHITE WHITE , like it was prof done!

GOSH, a miracle! I LOVE IT!

I was crying about some of my hair falling out, but if it made my teeth turn white.... well let me speak to the devil about this latest barter...

2009 07 30 732pm You take my breath away

All the meds were done, I wasn't plugged into anything and I fancied a stroll to the vernada would improve my stamina. So I slipped out of the oxygen and ambled on down the hallway, up the breif ramp, showed my ID to the gate keeper and out to the glorious veranda where I stuck my head out in the sun and smiled!

I made a few phone calls, nearly whispering, as talking is still rough on me. A friend threatned to stop by the veranda a few minutes on her way elsewhere and I was eagerly awaiting when I realized I had to rush for the ladies room. Rushing doesn't work for me yet.

I came out of the bathrooom, breathless and blue, the nurse ordered me to bed for my stats. My oxygen was alarmingly low, so back with the mask and no more vernada. *sigh*

Freedom is so fleeting...

COMEDY in the ward...
A few of the patients had a secret meeting, and we bashed up some of the staff really good (and really badly!) *tee hee hee*. There is a temporary peace treaty in effect that the wheel chair boyz can use the ladies room... After all, when you take stock of our floor, everyone is in diaper's except the four of us, so what's a little sharing...

One patient, tossed out of her private room, claims someone offered more money to take her nice room away. She is miserable and indignant to be thrown in with us motley crew of barely alive and gasping..... IN protest, she played her radio at top volume for the entire floor to enjoy...

That lead to the evil discussion of the landlord's around here that do the exact same thing, like that German witch who jacked up my rent and made me move two years ago.... while I Was still recuperaint from busting my legs, after promising me that place for maaaaaaaany years, liars, every one of them!

One poor soul was told by mistake, that she got to go home today and then cruelly told hours later, it was a mistake. She burst into tears and I don't blame her one bit. ALot of crying going on here. I still cry at least once or twice a day.

THen the minister came to see me. She's a tall beautiful lady. I admire her greatly.

2009 07 30 651pm and the pager is working...

I like to climb out of bed at daybreak and peek out my window to make sure this cute little cottage I lust after, is still sitting there... It gives me hope...

Sitting on the verandah looking eastward is a tall Evergreen Tree, overshadowing the very cute pink Caribbean style cottage. To the right of the tree, you can see the palms!

It' hard to tell WHERE I really am these days...


The loudspeaker in the hospital comes on loud and clear (usually it's garbled and we all strain to hear what is being said)

"ORDERLY to the operating table, Orderly to the operating table!"

Now that gives me pause for cause... Middle of surgery and you need an orderly for the hospital operating table?

Hey, Joe, prop up the phone books, this end is leaning a bit much...

Ooops, just get him OFF the floor and back on the table...

tee hee hee...

Somehow my computer figured out it was in the hospital and out of the clear blue began running the "System Health Tool Box" Good grief! What next?


2009 07 30 2pm thursday GOOD JUJU

TODAY I got to read some more email you have sent me, thank you! So many funny ones plus I am catching up on reading the responses posted here, it takes time, and I am flying high much of the day.

Dat be how we roll here...

The laughter is healing and much better than tears! argh, har har har, tee hee hee... cough, sputter, hiss, tee hee hee, argh!

You are putting up a terrific fight, Miss Mermaid. Your whole fan
base is praying and cheering. If I need to sacrifice something for
good juju, I will. A goat, a boat, a float, anything. Just say the

Your email made me laugh and laugh and giggle and cough and whoop it up and scare the ward and make the nurses jump around nervously. Tee hee hee!

Sacrifice some chocolate!!! That always makes good JUJU!!! I am sure you can figure out a way to sacrifice chocholate... and if you can't send it to me, and I will sacrifice it! Har har har, tee hee hee, cough cough cough cough.

See what I get for quitting smoking? I end up here! Tee hee hee! Har har har.

There is a rumor the patients are going on strike for better FUN drugs today, I must admit, I could use some better FUN drugz too! Of course most of the patients here are far too weak to even strike a bargain, much less strike for FUN drugz...

The few men that aren't bed ridden, are still using the ladies room... It's a madhouse here at times, if you pay attention to the madness... I fixed the shower, but haven't had a chance to test it out, (have to chase dem boyz out of the ladies room)

Someone called and asked me what the doctor said and I said well, he said "Hello! How are you today?" Then we laughed so hard, I had to get back off the phone! Har har har!

I''m kicking butt and taking names.

Har har har, and I got a bridge for sale too! Send money! Bridge for sale on Tortola!

UT oh, here they come rolling a tray full of packages and needles my way, grrrrrrrrrr....... I better slip under the covers and pretend I'm not home.