2009 07 31 254pm Friday...

The devil comes in all disguises!

This morning a "person of knowledge" (I don't dare want to insult the good folks that are working hard to take care of us unruly sickly patients...) but to shorten "person of knowledge" to prick? Tee hee heee.. I mean this was someone is HIGH up in the chain of things, so to speak...

This, um, devil, came by and saw me all decked out in my clean dress and my hair all clean and more or less brushed and he said "OH! You are going home today!"

I looked at the all the meds dripping into my arms, removed the face mask and mumbled "I'm going home?"

"Is someone going to load up my IV's for me? Will you show me how they work? What if I get sick? Who do I call? How do I turn these things on? How do I turn them off? Will there be oxygen too? Can you show me how that works? The nurses won't let me touch it, now I am going home alone with it?

And the ambulance doesn't like to come to my neighborhood, will they come anyhow, if I call? If I can't sleep horizontal here, will I be able to sleep horizontal there, or shall I try a zillion pillows or get a bed from Red Cross or what?

I mean I had a LOAD of questions and apparently needed a crash course in self nursing. I hadn't had much sleep at all and now was WIDE awake, and thinking, this is it?

Carnival is here, and out on the sidewalk I get dumped? Be well! Go home! We found your dress, your hair is clean, go home!

Finally this DEVIL said "Oh, maybe you aren't going home yet..."

I had thoughts of cats in my mind, and THAT made me happy. I was thinking the house needed a good cleaning and veggies and fruit juice and yogurt and I sooooooooooooooo looked forward to petting my cats!

Soon the crowd of professionals crowded around my bed, the curtains were drawn, and I was spitting out questions about going home, and how to do this IV stuff and so on. Someone finally says "WHAT makes you think you are going home?"

I told them who said what and so on, and well, it was eyes rolling and so on.... stuff I explain later, Lucy...

KER-BOOM! WHAT did they SAY?

I'm not going home?

But, but, but, but, I was just told by..............

and *sniffle* and *sniffle* I truly am homesick and *sniffle* ....

I'm not going home???

Not now.

Not yet.

**********************************

A psychiatrist was sent around next, whether to certify I am certainly full blown crazy or to calm me down from my manic excitement about going home!

Not yet.

Not going home.

The bubble burst.

Soon come, but not now.

The pink dress sure makes me feel BETTER, letting my hair blow in the breeze feels GREAT.

The shrink wanted to know about my depression............. um....... that seems typical doesn't it? One day your life is fine, the next you are an experiment in a hospital bed, reduced to a river rat, full of toxins. You pray you get to go home every day and then they blow your dreams right out of the water.

And you wonder why I feel depressed? Ummmm....

Boo hoo hoo.

All the profs. marched off, they have many more patients to deal with besides wittle old me.

I settle back with my oxygen, thinking WOW, it almost happened....

I thought my miracle was here, you just wake up one day and that's it, they unplug everything and off you run, happy go lucky, a skip and jump!

*****************************

SURPRISE!!!!!

Then two friends poked their head around the curtains and LOVE is the best medicine, no doubt about it. I plastered on my smiles and struggled out of the oxygen, and off to the veranda we went and it was the NICEST visit ever, to FORGET this place for a few minutes and enjoy life.

**************************

Back to bed, lunch came, some super tough fish with fungi (fungi was really good!) and some teeny tiny but VERY sweet treasured pieces of melon. I wanted to suck melon all day......

*****************************

I was laying about, just breathing oxygen, when suddenly another SURPRISE!!!!

Here came an Angel right out of the books, big beefy angel with long angelic grayish curls, a cherubbish face and in his massive paw I can see straight through the baggies is a big bowl of fresh fruit and YUMMY a big plain yogurt!

*********************

THE ANGELS ARE WINNING!

I am getting out of here ONE DAY SOON,

alive and vertical!

SOON! I just know it!

2009 07 31 854am Friday the 31st

OMG! How long have I been lost here?

Around 330am, I couldn't take the heat and sweat anymore, I got a sleepy staff to wrap up my arms and I staggered to the ladies room.

I dragged a shower chair under the newly fixed showed (yeah, I fixed the shower... no kidding!) ANd I sat there and dumped liquid hand soap over my hair and washed it all.

THen I sat for the next half hour trying to wash it all out. The trickle is the best I can get going. SOmebody knocked on the dooor and I did my best imitation at growling like a wild creature of the night.

I wish I had conditioner, it owuld have gone faster, but I wish I weren't here too...

I came back and now the 4-5am super bright lights were on. I dressed in my pink dress!

THAT was a suprise when I found it. I thought due to the stains and problems, it had been tossed out, (it was the dress I wore upon arrival in the ER) but the sweet angel who does laundry here, had apparently gone to great pains to save it. So WOW, my wardrobe is HUGE now with 3 dresses to choose from. What more could a mermaid want?

I grabbed my new hair brush, courtesy of the Minneaplois/East END Angel and headed for the veranda and annonced to the startled gatekeeper that I was going to do my hair brushing outside.

He let me out (the door was open and I slipped right through!) then he bolted upright and apparently went to report my appearance/disappearance.

I sat on the veranda in the predawn, thoroughly exhausted, but felt GREAT, even though I could barely comb my hair.

I amy be super tired, but I am ALIVE and my hair is CLEAN.

OK, back to bed again...

2009 07 31 238am

Im hot and sweaty

Many trips down the hall to the bathroom

Can't sleep hot in a backwards dress

Im so GRATEFUL to be alive and have shelter, food and medical care.

Lucky me

In a backwards dress

2009 07 30 1009pm one handed again

BRIBES WORKS TOO.... more on that later...

i need to write a sad country song about typing one handed in a too armed world...

I appreciate u bearing wiff me on my posts. trying to find the humor amongst such sadness, trying to make life funny, no wonder they say "die laughing!"

my dress is on backwards

i noticed but couldn't do anything about it,

the scary thought is,

it still FITS...

no one else has noticed tee hee hee, or they figure its par for the course...or they are too polite to mention it...

or lets face facts, it's too much trouble to change it around right, so no one cares...

my clean dress came back from the laundry, so at some point, I will shower and wiggle out of the backward dress and try the other one.

After over a week, I am tired of my 2 bit wardrobe,

soooooooooooooooooo

shall I wear the blue abstract dress or the green Monet dress?

Hmm, which matches my skin better today, the blue or the green?

Every chance I get, I make a tall plastic cup of sun tea in the window, sometimes I can get someone to bring me ice and bask in the luxury of real iced tea, but mostly, I drink it room temperature and am grateful as hell to have shelter, food and tea, no matter what form it takes.

Sure the food is curious here much of the time, well not if you like loads of grease, super tough meats, and lots of white stuff (white bread, white cream of what, white pasta, the white rice, the white fake smashed potatoes, white lettuce, white tomato, etc)

They must have somebody around here itching to practice their enema technique...

They HEAVILY encourage your family to bring you food and to feed you too if you can't feed yourself. I see some dedicated family members that come and spoon feed their loved ones every day. Now THAT is true love. Brings tears to my eyes.

The BIG MALE ANGEL CHEF drove miles out of his way, called me up again and said "Psssssssst! Mermaid! Meet me out front!" and he brought me a big pile of veggies and salad and a big bowl of soup and it was better than dying to go to heaven!

I woke up one night, and the nurse bent over me in a traditional uniform and her name was the same as the nurse who worked with my family doctor for umpteen years.... Was it real or an angel or a BIG coincidence? She took such gentle care of me. An angel. A real angel.

Drugzzzzzzzz

we inhale them, we snort them, we breathe them, we swallow them, we run them up our veins, and just about any other method, we are on drugs here, it's like hanging out with a bunch of junkies...

We're not going cold turkey, we're digging in deeper until our bodies are rivers of poisons, sent there to kill all the other poisons... no wonder I am high as a kite much of the time, wondering how I got here, and when will I be strong enough to go home?

THAT IS THE PROBLEM.........

I have to double my strength and then HOME I go, ho ho ho! Plus, I plan to go cold turkey off these doctor induced drugz......

They accidentally gave me SOMETHING that turned my teeth BRIGHT white! Sheesh, what luck, I guess! I thought it was my imagination, but then my friend came to visit and said WOW, you have dental work done here too? And I said, um, no, I just paid a BRIBE to get a toothbrush... (yes it's TRUE, more on bribes later...)

She said they looked fantastic and I said, well I thought they looked whiter in the mirror too, but figured I was SEEING things.

She looked closely and said THEY ARE WHITE WHITE , like it was prof done!

GOSH, a miracle! I LOVE IT!

I was crying about some of my hair falling out, but if it made my teeth turn white.... well let me speak to the devil about this latest barter...

2009 07 30 732pm You take my breath away

All the meds were done, I wasn't plugged into anything and I fancied a stroll to the vernada would improve my stamina. So I slipped out of the oxygen and ambled on down the hallway, up the breif ramp, showed my ID to the gate keeper and out to the glorious veranda where I stuck my head out in the sun and smiled!

I made a few phone calls, nearly whispering, as talking is still rough on me. A friend threatned to stop by the veranda a few minutes on her way elsewhere and I was eagerly awaiting when I realized I had to rush for the ladies room. Rushing doesn't work for me yet.

I came out of the bathrooom, breathless and blue, the nurse ordered me to bed for my stats. My oxygen was alarmingly low, so back with the mask and no more vernada. *sigh*

Freedom is so fleeting...

COMEDY in the ward...

A few of the patients had a secret meeting, and we bashed up some of the staff really good (and really badly!) *tee hee hee*. There is a temporary peace treaty in effect that the wheel chair boyz can use the ladies room... After all, when you take stock of our floor, everyone is in diaper's except the four of us, so what's a little sharing...

One patient, tossed out of her private room, claims someone offered more money to take her nice room away. She is miserable and indignant to be thrown in with us motley crew of barely alive and gasping..... IN protest, she played her radio at top volume for the entire floor to enjoy...

That lead to the evil discussion of the landlord's around here that do the exact same thing, like that German witch who jacked up my rent and made me move two years ago.... while I Was still recuperaint from busting my legs, after promising me that place for maaaaaaaany years, liars, every one of them!

One poor soul was told by mistake, that she got to go home today and then cruelly told hours later, it was a mistake. She burst into tears and I don't blame her one bit. ALot of crying going on here. I still cry at least once or twice a day.

THen the minister came to see me. She's a tall beautiful lady. I admire her greatly.

2009 07 30 651pm and the pager is working...

I like to climb out of bed at daybreak and peek out my window to make sure this cute little cottage I lust after, is still sitting there... It gives me hope...

Sitting on the verandah looking eastward is a tall Evergreen Tree, overshadowing the very cute pink Caribbean style cottage. To the right of the tree, you can see the palms!

It' hard to tell WHERE I really am these days...

*******************************************************************

651pm

The loudspeaker in the hospital comes on loud and clear (usually it's garbled and we all strain to hear what is being said)

"ORDERLY to the operating table, Orderly to the operating table!"

Now that gives me pause for cause... Middle of surgery and you need an orderly for the hospital operating table?

Hey, Joe, prop up the phone books, this end is leaning a bit much...

Ooops, just get him OFF the floor and back on the table...

tee hee hee...

********

Somehow my computer figured out it was in the hospital and out of the clear blue began running the "System Health Tool Box" Good grief! What next?

**************

2009 07 30 2pm thursday GOOD JUJU

TODAY I got to read some more email you have sent me, thank you! So many funny ones plus I am catching up on reading the responses posted here, it takes time, and I am flying high much of the day.

Dat be how we roll here...

The laughter is healing and much better than tears! argh, har har har, tee hee hee... cough, sputter, hiss, tee hee hee, argh!

You are putting up a terrific fight, Miss Mermaid. Your whole fan
base is praying and cheering. If I need to sacrifice something for
good juju, I will. A goat, a boat, a float, anything. Just say the
word!

Your email made me laugh and laugh and giggle and cough and whoop it up and scare the ward and make the nurses jump around nervously. Tee hee hee!

Sacrifice some chocolate!!! That always makes good JUJU!!! I am sure you can figure out a way to sacrifice chocholate... and if you can't send it to me, and I will sacrifice it! Har har har, tee hee hee, cough cough cough cough.

See what I get for quitting smoking? I end up here! Tee hee hee! Har har har.

There is a rumor the patients are going on strike for better FUN drugs today, I must admit, I could use some better FUN drugz too! Of course most of the patients here are far too weak to even strike a bargain, much less strike for FUN drugz...

The few men that aren't bed ridden, are still using the ladies room... It's a madhouse here at times, if you pay attention to the madness... I fixed the shower, but haven't had a chance to test it out, (have to chase dem boyz out of the ladies room)

Someone called and asked me what the doctor said and I said well, he said "Hello! How are you today?" Then we laughed so hard, I had to get back off the phone! Har har har!

I''m kicking butt and taking names.

Har har har, and I got a bridge for sale too! Send money! Bridge for sale on Tortola!

UT oh, here they come rolling a tray full of packages and needles my way, grrrrrrrrrr....... I better slip under the covers and pretend I'm not home.

2009 07 30 713am ALIVE and PIRATING!

My belly is kicking up a fit. It's happy from the great food, and craving more yogurt and unhappy from the chemical pollution (doctah drugz...) More yogurt should help this, when I can get some, they won't let me near the refridgerator and you have to wait until it suits them... to get someone "allowed" to go fetch the yogurt.

I don't want to be a pest here, but some days they help you out and other days, they leave you to languish.

So far only one or two battles this morning with the devil. My bed was robbed again. Grrr...... Some of the bandages partially fell off my bad arm and were fighting with my dress and the remaining bed sheet. I thought an angel would come help me, instead the devil came to scold me.

I am sure... stressing out a patient as much as possible, really speeds healing...

Tee hee hee......... I spend much of my days and nights trying to be so laid back and de-stressed and calm and collective... I try to IGNORE the peoples that work so hard to stress us out...

Having a mermaid around just confuses SOME of the staff something awful. Some times they treat me first class and some times like a criminal that ought to be shot down... and every where in between...

Well, when all else fails, BECOME A PIRATE!

So to heck with this madness over the sheets and dealing with the devil and it's your blankie or your sheet and am I on a game show here or what?

I "found" the sheets I needed and now I am wrapped up tightly in them, all cozy. Tee hee hee.

Sure, I've seen the startled looks, the sneakers that slammed on brakes. I've heard the mumblin and the grumbling. I see the sidelong stares....

Hey, I am a really good and sneaky PIRATE! Tee hee hee...

AND I didn't have to barter my blanket either. Now that I have "touched" the sheets, no one will take them away (they are MINE, mine, mine!) I can cough up a fur ball on them, for good measure too, if I have too (but I would rather keep them clean).

What's better, is NO ONE knows where or how I got sheets, even though I've heard grumbling. I just curl up all cozy with my tubes and wires and probes and masks and ignore them all.

The BIG effing problem here is, the mattresses are covered in thick sticky plastic topped by a thin flimsy sheet. I lay on this and just sweat like a mermaid and stick to everything and stink and become rather miserable in short order. And I keep my mouth shut about it all, life is life is what it is...

At Radar where I "found" a nice cozy raggedy blankie, a few days back, (I actually bartered a deal with the radar person, but I don't want to get them in trouble...)

I used the blankie for creature comfort and to keep my tail warm and dry, but then I discovered, if I put the blankie doubled over, then laid down on top of it, ahhhhhhhhh, the sweating and sticky problem completely vanished. YES! That feels GOOD!

So I like to lay on top of my raggedy blankie, then cover up with a nice clean top sheet, and then I am good to go. WHY this upsets the devils and some of the control freaks around here, I don't know, but I feel sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better.

But the devil steals my top sheet... Then I get cold, then I am miserable again, and some soul says "Cover with your blankie if you are cold" and I ask for my sheet back and then the circle begins......

GOOD NEWS...

I've managed to keep my arm pillow. My battered arm needs the pillow to rest on. A few people have noticed me in my CLEAN sheet (the old one was looking pretty rough, as it hadn't been changed in awhile) and I just IGNORE them.

They tried to take my arm pillow the other day, the grand inquisidor came over shooting questions at me and lunging at my pillow, while I whimpered and darted around and tried in vain to leave my injured arm firmly planted on the pillow.

I have lived in the Caribbean a long time. I know how to play PIRATE too, and I guess I will if I am forced too!

2009 07 30 527am MORE positive JuJu!

I try to read some comments and emails every day and it has cheered me up considerably. It's hard not to be on a roller coaster all the time...

My mind travels far and wide these days, while

This morning I was so gently awoekn, I wondered who had come calling, the angels or the devil or just life?

My belly felt like it was shot full of holes, but eventually an angel appeared and came back with my private yogurt stash. I ate some yogurt and ahhhhhhhh........... life is good.......... I think...

2009 07 29 848pm The Angels Take Over

It's been a wild day of highs and lows and comedy and madness.

I feel confident the team of doctors here working my case are going to get me out of here vertically!

On the far left, is my hand, it's black and blue and grossly misshapen, you might notice the wrist, hand and thunb is unusually large! I think the meds went awry by mistake, anyhow, we discconected the old IV's and started new ones. As I look at that picture and the hand now, I think WOW, we've come a long way BABY!

The black and blue is much worse in person than in the picture, but in the picture the hilariously huge wrist and hand is comical and it's much smaller now.

Above, on the right, are all my treats for an hour's worth of entertianment. Much of the day I cannot talk nor type, due to the massive plumbing arrangements. Every few hours, all this mess is thrown out and a new collection of drugs are strung up for my next session. Between all the chemicals and drugs, I sneak off to the bathroom as I have WON the bedpan battle.

Today there were no pill fights, nothing to sweep up. Usually my bed is surrounded by pills and cups flying every where. More on that later...

If nobody is looking, and I am unplugged, I slip out of my oxygen and stroll for the veranda.

I often come back, rather sheepishly, coughing and hacking, way out of breath, plunk down in bed and setttle back while they plug in the tubes again.

I had a BIG DARK MALE ANGEL appear tonight! He called me on the phone and said "Ssssssssspppppp........ Dear Miss Mermaid! Meet me outside, I have TREATS for you!"

Whether it was dreaming or not, it sounded too good to be true.... and I was about to find out first hand!

I slipped out of the restraints and went out and there was Tortola's finests Chef with a stack of goodies for me! YIPPIE!!!! I am dining in STYLE tonight (and at midnight and tomorrow and for lunch...)

Oh MAN, I think I can live another day! Another Week!

OK, no fancy DIAGNOSIS to give everyone yet.... SOON COME....

Something else I wanted to mention, heck what was it, I forget, hmmm, let me think....

ummmmmmmmmm............

well when i think of it, I will say so, but THANK YOU for reading and THANK you for the hilarious posts and the serious posts and the Emails and the humor and the offers to relocate and all the madness,

heck im wore out, mo later.

NEW EDIT....

******************\\NOW I rememebr what I wanted to say!

Hey that only took 40 minutes to remember...

Another groupf of nice folks from a church came over and sang and prayed and circled my bed and built a ring of angels, we gonna keep those devils FAR FAR FAR away from this mermaid.

Devils and angels are every where, but then there are the mysteries, the ones you don't know WHAT they are!

2009 07 29 234pm and I struggle with the Devil

That body snatcher tried to take my soul last night, but I fought him off and I have paid dearly for it today. Only one trip to the veranda so far, and it was horrific.

Scared everyone else away from the veranda.

Sorry about that!

No white stuff at breakfast this morning. What am I going to hang wall paper with today? I fixed the leaky window drafts the other day and also the shower, that I now long to use, as soon as I can muster up the energy. I am soaked in sweat, head to toe and plugged into chemicals and drugs and oxygen.

Night night.

2009 07 29 ALive at noon

more later

staying alive

in a holding pattern

2009 07 29 802am and it's Wednesday already (again???)

The whole place gone crazy, tee hee hee.

THe men don't like their bathroom anymore, so they have comandeered the ladies room.

BREAKFAST is here! Sitting across the hall in plastic trays, I can't tell what it is.

Will it be frozen fish sticks? A weenie? Fried Spam? I KNOW it will be stacks of white bread and always that box of wallpaper paste and a pile of sugar packets... Will there be a shot glass of juice today? I LONG for a big tall glass of juice... Will it be real or sugary fake? Let me guess, Ovaltine will be in the mug (more sugary stuff...)

I LOVE eggs, but have only had ONE egg, ONCE. Ohhhhh, the nighbor got her food and she got a medium sized juice, I hope mine comes with that much!

Am I losing it too?

807am and the highlight of my day is guessing what is on the breakfast tray?

2009 07 29 336am The DEVIL tried to get me!

OH my gosh, right when I thought sleeping was finally safe, there's the devil after me AGAIN and it gave me quite a fright.

I guess I tangled up my tubes and thought I was suffocating something horrific. It was quite a battle with the devil to get my soul back, it was trying to snatch it out of my hands, but we fought and I won. Now I am out of breath, exhausted, and wide awake.

I have this sensation that we are one less soul in the hospital tonight. The devil got one and tried their luck at two... but that old fart wasn't counting on a mermaid with a few up her old sleeve.

I already tagged my toe "no horizontal exit", can't the devil read?

2009 07 28 More Angels Arrive...

An angel (my dear sweet friend whom I am eternally grateful for!) came at happy hour and we had treats (ham, Swiss cheese, crackers, olives) on the veranda and I felt like a MERMAID again. Even had ICED TEA (Unsweetened Iced Green Tea is my all time favorite drink!)

Well, next to Rum and Rain, Jack Daniels, Jaegermeinster and all that other oh so fun stuff I'll probably be taking a vacation from... tee hee hee... cough cough cough...

It was fun to feel like LIFE, not like death. We avoided medical talk mostly (thank goodness) and giggled about other's exploits. (FUN!) Munching at happy hour while the sun gently set, and I thought, heck, this is almost like living again!

I am trying prayer, giggles, drugs, herbs, chanting, hypnosis, ANYTHING here to get well and get my life back!

Finally happy hour was over and my angel was gone and I wandered back down to my bed, where I knew the powers over me were waiting in the sides, to pounce on me and sure enough they did.

I am hacking and coughing and turning blue from the giggles and the walk back, they are plugging in my IV's and face mask and disbursing pills, which I managed down without a fight and then the big needles and the pin cushion and lately we don't even argue over the arms anymore, they let me keep my good one now and I let them completely ruin my other one.

I had just settled in, like a marionette, all strung up, when another Angel came in. A few day ago, she came in and fed her friend, then prayed for her. She spoke to me as on that day, every one had company hovering by their side, except me. I spoke back to her and next thing I know she is praying over my bed.

So tonight she came, we chatted and I kept laughing and hacking and coughing and, several times the attendants ran over and told me to settle down while they cranked up the drugs. But laughter is healing (if it doesn't send you into wild conniptions!)

My angel kept saying "don't laugh!" and I would laugh even harder like a silly child, I just felt so HIGH from happy hour or drugz or life or death or lack of oxygen! So my angel came over and started praying over me and I didn't laugh. PRAY! I silently rejoiced in my brain! BRING ME ANGELS!

Bring on the angels! Get me out of here vertically, not horizontally!

By the way, not all angels are females, I've had male angels, and more on that later.

***************

I am FIGHTING The DEVIL! HELP!

Good lord, how did the DEVIL get me again? Now we are arguing (NEVER good...)

2009 07 28 Who's Hiding Behind that Eye Mask?

I thought I was in heaven (almost).

Last night, I slid over the comfy eye mask that my New Zealand friend brought by. I felt like I was styling. She had freshly laundered it. It's a cool shade of blue that matches my outfit, it's nice and soft, and the outside is corduroy. The strap is adjustable and it has elastic, so it's really quite well made. I've never felt the urge to use one of these, but here I definately need it.

This was far superioir than my other attempt with cardboard over my face, held in place by cheap sunglasses, (which must have looked ridiculous in it's own right...) but it did WORK.

So there I was, plugged into my oxygen, hair let down, bed even let down some, cuddled up with my blankie and my pillow, sleeping all peaceful like, in the preferred semi-fetal position everyone around here craves....

(By the way as I write this, our new patient on the floor is calling this place a prison and demanding a doctor and in spite of flowers, and many nice accoutrement's she arrived with, wants to go home...)

I KNOW HER PAIN!!!! I cried all morning it seemed, wanting to go home TOO!!!

Anyhow, so early this morning, No one slaps me, (yippee!) but they wiggle my covers and tell me to wake up. I leave my mask on, sit up and stick out my right arm for all the medical monitoring measurements and my left arm for all the torture.

This seemed to appease them, and I was happy. I wasn't being driven to insanity with the super bright interogator lights, I was only semi awake, as I am never allowed to sleep more than 3 hours here, though I think they slipped up last night (shhhhhh!) and let me sleep 4 or so!

Ha ha ha!

What was I thinking?

A moment later my comfy moment is shattered when I am dumped in icy COLD water from my chest to my lap! I hear the familiar rattle of pills flying across the floor. I rip off my eye mask, I shiver, I shake at my dress and try to figure out what the heck happened here?

This is day 3 or 4 of the flying pills. It's a pill fight! (More on that later...) Kinda emabressing, but every mornign my bed is surrounded by pills until the custodian shows up to sweep...

The devil says quite accusing, "YOU SPILLED YOUR WATER!"

I keep all VERBAL thoughts to myself and don't let the devil TEMPT me (lest I get arrested for murder in this place...)

WHY on earth would you expect a blind folded mermaid to SEE you are holding icy cold water and pills??? Now who is sleeping? How did I spill that water? I had NO IDEA there was icy cold water there. No one said a THING about here's icy cold water, here's pills or anything! So I stay silent and fan my soaked dress back and forth.

Best I can figure, while I was still in my eye patches, the nurse decided to hand me the icy cold water and simply dropped it down the front of my dress...

She reached for my IV to plug me up again, and I said "Oh no, not now, I am soaked in icy cold water, at least me run for the ladies room first..."

I rummage around and realize I have nothing dry to put on, only dirty stuff or my discharge dress, and I don't feel like putting on my nice dress right now. Grrrrr... So I live in the wet dress and go back to bed. They have found more pills and I take them. They plug me up to all the IV's and nebulizers and I lay there staring out the window, wondering.........

Little pink pills are everywhere it seems. More on the pill fights later....

I feel sorry for the new patient. She has fresh flowers, a radio, nice sylish bags, like she expected to be on vacation, not in this place. Someone brought her a very special meal that I must not covet. She has a new bedroom wardrobe and looks nice and well cared for. She arrived with her own blankie, an insulated pitcher. Maybe she was downgraded from a private room into the ward here. Either way, she is well outfitted to be here.

But she is miserable and they've sent a team of nurses and doctors to speak to her and still she looks so very sad and pathetic. She has refused all attempts they have implored to make her get in bed. She sat stubbornly on the side and when they complained, she has moved to a chair and refuses to get back in the bed.

You go girl! You fight them!

I KNOW the feeling. I know....

2009 07 28 ENough of this...

I burst into tears and let the river flow.

I've had enough of this.

I want to get well or die. I'm tired of living in limbo.

The doctors came around.

Not such cheery news.

I miss my cats.

I wanna go home.

Boo hoo hoo.

2009 07 28 Calling all angels

calling all angels calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
calling all angels calling all angels
we're tryin' and we're hopin'
but we're not sure...

calling all angels calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
calling all angels calling all angels
we're tryin' we're hopin'
we're hurtin' we're lovin'
we're cryin' we're callin'

Excerpt from

Jane Siberry - Calling all angels Lyrics

Album: Pay It Forward (Soundtrack to the movie)

2009 07 28 alternative WHATS???

Silly me, for many years I have been into alternative therapies and holistic treatments and back to nature type of healing. Sure there are comfort foods that can be real junky because they remind one of a comforting point and time, one wishes to revisit and this ma include unwholesome junky goods etc. But then there is the glorious foods of all natural vegetables and fruits and grains, stuff straight from the earth and of course the many wonderful uses of herbs for flavoring all aspects of your life and foods and many with healing powers and ongoing promote-good-health powers.

Yogurt has many medicinal properties, and I just assumed this was general knowledge in the medical fiedl, so when I aarrived and began being this river rat full of chemcials and drugs, I began asking around about yogurt with my meals and was met with blank stares, exasperation and told to my face to get my own blankety blank yogurt. So thanks to several good friends, I've had yogurt deliveries, and I am able to eat the stuff 2-3 times a day.

Of course finding my absolute favorite of plain vanilla or plain plain with no sugars is hard as heck, but it's an island, and we are used to things being hard to find. Yogurt does come here in tons of flavors, jsut that they often have all those sugars and crap thrown in when gloriosu yogurt on it's own is wonderful without all the addicting stuff is thrown in.

I am a fond believer of Dr Hulda Clarke as she is back to nature with a suggested eating regime of pure natural foods and so on, avoidng all chemcials and additives. She first posed the suggestion to me that the additives and chemicals and stuff we can't pronounce, hidden in fast and prepared foods are there to MAKE YOU SICK so you become dependent on the medical care system.

I believe it too.

I also beleive in the water cure and have had great success in improving my kidneys and many other aspects of my life drastically by the simple intake of water.

2009 07 28 707am Tuesday

HELP?

I've been here a WEEK? Whose idea was this? Where did the time go? Is my life wasting away that quickly?

The angels are winning again! I haven't made it out the door, neither vertical nor horizontal, I just seem to be in a holding pattern with the angels, fighting off the devils and praying for miracles.

By now we have a long list of everything I don't have, I am perplexing the docs. They wanted me to have this nice compact easy list of things and send me on my way, but it hasn't worked out that way. Mermaids are not common enough for them to know their special ailments.

As I try to piece together my past medical health, it comes back to me in bits and pieces, I typically avoid docs and do my own things, but I've been forced into medical care before, just trying to remember it all.

Not all my living has been in vain. Sure I have some bad habits but I do have some really good habits too, and they have paid off. Much to the shock of the doctors, I do NOT have high blood pressure, no diabetes, nor heart disease. My cholesterol is surprisingly low, I don't have AIDS or any STD's or hepatitis. I'm not having a new little miss mermaid *giggle*.

In spite of my numerous past fights with kidney disease, my kidneys are proving rather strong while the liver seems a bit problematic. My breathing is at half mast and my white blood cell count is way too high and rather bothersome. There are more symptoms, I won't get into here, it is all so BORING!

A long list of chemicals and drugs are dumped in my veins about 18 hours of the day, nebulizers about 8 times a day and oxygen much of the rest of the time. Sometimes, I escape all the confines of needles, IV's face masks and oxygen prongs and head for the glorious veranda!

Specialists come by and work on various parts of my body, trying to make me well and whole again. I am avoiding the wheel chair, but walking is wearing me out but now they let me have oxygen after I exercise, so this might work out. I have to get STRONG and go home!

I cry, I miss my kitties. I miss my life.

I go take my St John's Wort and it will cheer me up again.

2009 07 27 Thank you!

I just realized I am getting posts on here from loyal readers and I wish to THANK YOU for posting your get well wishes! I am new to this type of blog...

I will be back on StormCarib.com soon come!!!

I also appreciate those who have emailed me with great wishes and the hilarious suggestions such as:

Dear Miss Mermaid,

Are you in the hospital trying to have a Little Miss Mermaid????

When I read that, I choked on my tea, I laughed so hard I thought my ribs would split! Then I coughed into a fit and my fingers turned blue and they plugged me back into oxygen and started up the IV's again.

I would LOVE to be here delivering a new Little Miss Mermaid, instead of this pure torture, but it just ain't happening, so sorry, but you MADE by day with your email!

It gives me something to dream about.... and certainly caused a conniption!

2009 07 27 423pm angels everywhere

I focus on angels now. Bring on the angels! Repel the devils!

It ain't easy but the angels are winning!

I had 2 different girlfriends come by from yet 2 more countries. I never realized what an international life I live down here.

One brought me comforts like a serious EYE patch thingy so now I can officially block out the super bright lights at night.

Another brought me the yogurt I so desperately need to tolerate the mountains of drugs I am doing here. I feel like one big toxic pit! And comfort cookies and apple juice reinforcements.

The other day my dear friend snuck in my much needed accoutrement's like some St Johns Wort and she introduced me to some healing Enchinacea tea, which I make at least twice if not more daily. Plus she bought me a hair brush, I was beginning to scare the other patients.

Angels everywhere!

But some of you may know I had a serious head injury resulting from a brutal attack a few months ago, and it affects my something now and then, um MEMORY, tee hee hee, har ah rhar .

Seriously I think it's getting better, I make notes and lists and lose them now and spend the day trying to rememeber what was I doing next or last or , tee hee hee, har har har...

Certain parts of my memory are fine. Certain functions I do without any trouble at all. But them other things... go awry in the strangest way.

Sooooooooo.......

I'm not allowed to touch the refrigerator here, so I have to ask permission for someone else to put my yogurt or juice in the fridge and get it back out again. So I piled up the yogurt in a bag. Found my pen. Searched for surgical tape. Found that. Put my name on the tape, put the tape on the bag, then as a second thought, I decided to put yogurt on the label too on the baggy.

As there is always mass confusion when I ask for my yogurt. Now the tape decides to split into 4 pieces like bad cheap toilet paper does when you are trying to start a new roll? So now I am trying to unroll enough tape and start over. Grrr.......

By now I look like a very bad comedy routine, fighting with this surgical tape, as it tears the word YOGURT in half horizontally for me. I tear off strips of tape and hiss and groan and finally get a whole piece of tape off after tearing off about two dozen teeny tiny strips. (Is this occupational therapy or what???)

I stick it on the desk, write out YOGURT and stick it on the bag. I hand it over at the nurse's station and they promise to get it in the fridge.

I wander back to my bed, stick on the oxygen and settle down. They come over with needles and stuff and start doing the pin cushion thing.

I look around for my phone and I don't see it. I unplug the oxygen and get up and check my cabinet and cookies and tea bag box and thoroughly search for my phone. It was in the bathroom with me, but so was the yogurt and cookies and no one came in and I don't think I called anyone.

I search in my bed, under my bed, the cabinets, the bags, the cookies, the garbage.

Sheepishly I shuffle up to the nurses desk and announce I think my phone is in the refrigerator with the yogurt. I can't find it anywhere else, and well, I was hit on the head and I sometimes lose things this way and mumble bumble mumble bumble........

They nurse comes back with my rather chilly phone and I shuffle back to bed.

2009 07 27 Angels are Coming!

All that prayer is wroking. The angels are taking over it seems. This morning, no one slapped me and yelled at me. Instead the BRIGHT lights were turned on at 5am, and I hid my face under the pillow. A few monutes later a sweet gentle voice suggested I needed to be plugged back into everythig, I had slept a glorious 3-4 hours with only the nose oxygen and I was feeling rather smitten with myself.

I mumbled something about needing the restroom and slept walk rather unsteadilyh to the ladies room and back. While in the ladies room it occurred otme they might steal my top sheet and I becanme alarmed and willed my body to hurry up and get me back to bed. Upon my reutnr, it was time to swallow pills, then be plugged into everything and a mask over my face and back to the prison of my bed. I sat down and meditated, holkding very tightly to my coveted sheet.

I watched the sun come on over the mountain in bright red hues through the Van Gough plastic. It was rather dramatic. See this ward was only recently air-conditioned. The jalouise windows were cleaned and then shut. The screen window frames had their screens removed and replaced with clear plastic, which was then reinstalled. So instead of getting a clear picgture of the outside world, the plastic skews it, just like a Vincent Van Gough Painting!

2009 07 27 116am Monday morning

Praying for angels works! Lo and behold, a nice soul I have known 10+ years came into work on my floor tonight! She overheard the BS from the devil about my blankie trade for a sheet (have you ever heard of something so ridiculous?)

Anyhow, she is an ANGEL, so eventually my sheet turned up and I did not have to surrender my blankie to get it.

More patients checked out today. But I am still here.

I LOVE THE hilarious emails many of you readers have sent me! My apologies I can not reply to them immediately, but thanks for making me laugh with all the foolishness... such as:

Dear Miss Mermaid, I am dropping by the hospital with a bottle of Rum, a bag of weed and some bush tea for your immediate recuperation...

I bet the guards are gonna love that!

There has already been some confusion with names around here, people turning up looking for me and my name not seemingly being on the roster... but they find me anyhow!

Either I am getting sicker or the food is getting better... har har har

Actually the food is high fat, and traditional Caribbean, for the most part. Packs of sugar are thrown on the side all the time but no salt or pepper. Tonight I was told dinner would be Chicken Kraft. What arrived was one small stewed chicken wing with the skin on, a scoop of Mac and Cheese straight from the box, and some overcooked early sweet peas that had a funny taste (like they were very late) and a half pear out of a can with heavy syrup on the side and some kind of sugary drink, perhaps oversweetend grape drink stuff.

I crave a big pile of fresh fruits and vegetables...

OH YEAH...............

Everyone wants the DIRTY LOWDOWN as to what have I got , and why I am here!

Well, the docs are rapidly determining everything I do NOT have, but can't seem to determine what I do have!

I took a turn for the worse tonight, hence, I am wide awake and plugged back up again to oxygen. Every four hours I have to go through this whole big regime of plugs and drugs and face masks and nebulizers. Then I try to rest in between all the therapists and docs and specialists that drop in when ever and start working on me. I don't seem to get much sleep at all, I just cat nap.

We were trying to ween me off the oxygen and I have been walking up and down the halls and out to the veranda, but it leaveds me weak and speachless at times. Plus I spend alot of time trotting to the ladies room which is down the hall about 60 feet or so one way.

I keep brushing my teeth to kill the bad tastes the pills and drips and drops leave behind.

I got mermaid sickness or something that is baffling everyone.

I am sooooooooooooooooo homesick.

I am sooooooooooooooooo sad.

I am sooooooooooooooooooo scared.

M arm is falling off and black and blue from all the IV's and needles and stuff hanging out everywhere.

Ok, I try to go nite nite again.

2009 07 26 the dirty lowdown 820pm

About those angels and devils and prayers..................

The prayer people KNOW what I just found out! THey come to pray to keep the DEVIL awa from me and we have DEVILS working here.

The Angels are wonderful! They do their job with pride and care and love. THey treat me and the other patients with a great deal of dignity. They talk cheerful and promote healing, they don't try to stress you out in any way.

But who wins? The angels or the devils?

If I go to heaven, I have loads of friends and relatives waiting for me, and well if I go to hell, I have friends and relatives waiting on me there too...

But I want the ANGELS to win! I want to get out of here or go to heaven!

Prayer works! Let em pray and keep those devils away from me.

2009 07 26 649pm angels and devils

New rules here, if you have a blankie, then you can't have a top sheet, you can have a bottom sheet, but no top sheet. I don't get it. WHO makes up these rules?

I have to give up my blankie to get a top sheet?

ANGELS and DEVILS

I had noticed in my altered state, that we have angels working here and devils working here.

The angels are of course wonderful and try to help me GET WELL!

The devils try to stress me out and spit venom every chance they get. I am a second class citizen to them that deserves nuttin!

Then I've had friends and strangers come pray over me, pray over my bed, I wake up they are praying. They sing, they preach, they pray. It seemed a bit overwhelming at times, then I CAUGHT on!!!

*******************

Oops......... they just took my left arm away, can only type one handed now & I am tired,

will explain about this later

******************************************************************

2009 07 26 511pm

OK I survived another 12 hours. YIPPEE!

I did get to send my laundry out and it actually came back again, all clean, so that's nice, but they lost my top sheet again. That seems to happen often, then don't have enough sheets to go around, so somebody gets shorted everyday.

Another lady patient went home so we have an empty bed in my area. That is two that has gone home since I got here. *sigh*

Much of the day has been torture. The vampire turned back up. I was hoping she had lost my address. Some do not get my humor, others love it. It's a culture crash here. Patients and workers from many different countries around the Caribbean and the globe, so it's chaotic at times, trying to understand each other.

The vampire bursts out laughing every time I say, "Oh, it's you again, the vampire..."

She grabbed my good arm and I grabbed it right back. "Oh, no you don't! You and the others have nearly destroyed my other arm, just keep whittling away on it, I am not going to let you destroy both. It's hard enough typing with one hand, I can't imagine typing with NO hands (type with my toes?)

So it's now the left arm that is suffering a great deal of abuse. It has bruises and multiple bandages and dried up blood under the mess and in between it all is my prison ID (hospital security ID) that let's me in and out of the hospital and onto the coveted veranda.

The Doc came around and I told her the wardens had given me grief about hanging on the veranda, and she said she would put it in my records or charts or orders, that I can take myself to the veranda as much as possible.

I like to go out there and stick my head out in the sun and get some fresh air and dream about LIFE OUTSIDE the hospital.

Is this it? I hope not. I hope they get me well SOON and out of here, though heaven knows what will happen next.

Some friends from Dominica came by, they were all dressed up from church and styling, and brought their cute little grandson with them. We hugged and prayed and chatted. They live across the harbor, but watched in horror as the ambulance came to my house, but they were sure it was NOT me, then became worried when I didn't answer my cell phone, I guess while I was passed out, I just didn't hear it ringing, even so I wouldn't have been able to chat.

I saw later I had missed messages and before I could return the calls, they called again and I told them it was me, and even though my friend doesn't drive, her husband does drive and they come to town for church every Sunday. I've known them for years, some of the first folks I ever met, when I set foot on Tortola.

UT OH

excuse my spelling, I switched browsers and cant find the spell heckler now...grrrrrrrrrr

2009 07 26 Sunday Torture 750am

Late last night, I dozed off finally after the brutal bright lights were extinguished. But, alas, the prison wardens (nighttime nurse regime) CAUGHT ME sleeping, so I was rudely roused, m feets and legs slapped, while a mask was strapped over my face, new IV's were plugged in and all my vital signs were recorded. I tried to doze back to sleep.

A few hours later, I was nice and comfy, I had managed to escape all the wires, plugs, tubes, electrodes, masks and temporary has full possession of my body. I had lowered my bed some and was all cozied up, almost mermaid like, having a good little snooze. It was semi dark, it was quiet and I had a blankie (previously commandeered from X-ray) it's cottony soft and ratty, but very comforting.

Suddenly it's 5am and the warden that seems to hate me the most, discovered me in total comfort! She began yelling my name, slapping my feet, pulling off my beloved blanket, slapping my arms, slapping my ribs, slapping my head, I tried my best to scream at the top of my lungs to startle her as badly as she startled me, but all I could manage was a pathetic mew, worse than the runt of a large litter of kittens. Doomed. I am doomed.

I try to sit up and she is doing my vital sounds and wants to strap me up to everything again and I said "NO, not until I visit the bathroom!" She growled at me and I growled right back, again sounding like a half dying frog.

She handed me water and pills. The water was way colder than I expected, and somehow I choked up the pills and the water across the floor. This made my keeper even madder. I fumbled for my plastic clogs, I forget what you call them, oh yeah, crocks, and slipped them on and stumbled in a confused sleep walk down the hallway to the bathroom.

There was a frightening woman in the bathroom, it really startled me, then I realized it was the mirror and the face was mine. I did my business and sleep walked back to my bed. I was incensed, somebody had come by and rearranged all my personal things and moved them into a cabinet. Haphazardly my clean things had been stuffed into a bag with my used sweaty filthy dirty stinky clothing and this angered me.

I began tossing my things back out of the cabinet and onto my bed, when the warden rushed up and began telling me I was a mess and had to keep my things nice and orderly and put away to her liking. I was grumbling that SOMEBODY had mashed up my nice clean undies with my stinky sweaty dirty filthy clothes... and this would not work, and besides, what was I to do with this smelly mess? Catch a cab to the laundry?

I apologized profusely for my housekeeping (Um, excuse me, I've been busy trying to hurry up and get well and get the hell out of here or at least die in dignity?)

DO I NEED someone at 5am yelling at me and stressing me out when I am trying to get focused on positive things like getting well?

I might as well sign up for boot camp and get paid to take this abuse, not the other way around...

tee hee hee, har har har

bring on the happy drugs, I need some!

excuse my spelling, someday I forget to ask the spell heckler to help me out

2009 07 25 658pm Saturdaze

zz

My blog is ugly ,and I need help with this template!

The wardens, oops nurses! come around to fill out our charts hanging off the beds. Mine chart is bent up on one corner, turned on another and it looks like it was thrown out the window, run over by the ambulance and returned to dangle off the end of my bed precariously.

They've drawn a strange chart across it, like I am a stock in decline.

Lori showed up and we snuck out to the porch and had homemade ice-cream from the Italian place, um, will think of name, um La Dolce Vita (the sweet life!). Nothing like sitting out on an arched porch in the hot summer time having this heavenly chocolate chip ice cream tossed in with vanilla.

Lori has a tiny foxy figure and me not so. No fair! I told her I couldn't possibly eat all that ice cream and then she pulled out a huge bowl for herself. Oh my! Such a treat. Well, guess what we are chatting away and then suddenly the ice cream is all gone! I guess mine all melted, ha ha ha, tee hee hee.

Then incredibly we noticed the guard kept nervously pacing by, the REAL guard, this hospital has serious security (is it because of my fame from my latest book?) Hey I must be HIGH on meds now...

Actually I need everyone to buy 10 books for their friends or ask their friends to buy 10 books or something like that. The links for buying the book mail order or locally is:

http://www.dearmissmermaid.com/where.html

I may need to sell a few thousand to pay for this major BOO BOO! Har har har.

OK so the guard kept coming by us and then the BIG BAD WOLF came and ordered me back inside! But, but, but, I need the FRESH AIR! I need the love of my friend! These are all very healing (not to mention the fresh homemade ice cream that does not have any nasty stuff in it like big bad chemicals!)

Control freaks, we reluctantly go back inside, and they are pushing pills at me, plugging in IV's then, covering my face with a mask, and I am trapped back in bed again, attached to the accouterments. Then they plop down dinner, like I am supposed to eat with all this covering my face?

har har har!

I need my suntan back, I need to get well, I need to go to Slab City...

2009 07 25 and the pray

lots of prayers around here

people that visit others, pray for me too, so I am lucky

2009 07 25 4:29PM

The nurses must think we patients are horrible ungrateful people...

I try to thank everyone, no matter what they do to me. We've had some IV mishaps, resulting in torn skin, bruising, bleeding bandaging and so on.

The walking wounded...

Hey! I have walked all the way to the porch!

And walked to the bathroom thrice now!

But then the witch doctor came around and announced there is still another problem and Monday will be ultrasound and the donut machine, I think it's MRI. But I have to be able to lay FLAT strapped down with hands over head for 10 minutes. I know this sounds EASY, but it's not given some complications.

Oh well.

Rumor is a fresh dress is being delivered by my dear neighbor V, and maybe I can work a way to get my current dirty stuff washed. I don't have much in the way of bed wear, preferring au naturale or a light sarong. Things not appropriate for this modest hospital.

A few years ago, my sister sent me a lovely bed gown, but before I even got to wear it, a friend was in dire need and I let her use it and well, that was the end of that. She loved it and I never saw it again.

Currently I am wearing a house dress at the hospital. A shapeless bright colored dress that is comfy and doesn't look overly dorky.

I'm tired, will rest again. I'm excited too, a Lori is making a SECOND visit, now that takes NERVE!

I have promised her for this feat, we will rush out to the porch and relax there, God willing. Well not rush, but go out there.

I better rest up, for this!

2009 07 25 2:54pm Satudaze, still alive and kicking with chocolate

I've had IV's and nebulizers and oxygen and antibiotics and water reducers and steroids and anthing else they can think to prop me up with.

ANother friend came by, terrififed of the place, so we rushed out to the balcony and giggled about the state of things. My ward was freshly painted at least 14 years ago... so what's a few stains and battle wounds here and there...

Lunch today was sticky white rice with some kind of chopped up bones with greasy bits of fat and protein clinging to it. I was told it was turkey by the respiratory therapist, but then the vampire came by and said it was pork, but later the sharpshooter said it was mutton. Everyone was commenting, becuase I kept poking at it, but not tasting it, I want to eat real healthy. (Ha ha ha, and in a hospital too!)

Sooooooooooooo............ I ate the corn on the cob and the sliced melon, it wasn't ripe yet, but man it tasted GOOD. All I want is veggies and fruits and salads and vanilla yogurt.

We snuck by the prison warden (security) and made it to the front porch before he chased me down. I showed him I had ID to get back in again and he relented and I introduced my friend who was NOT going back in, as she couldn't stomach it (that's OK!)

We sat in the sunshine and it felt so GOOD! And she brought me chocholate cookies! YIPPIE! And she brought some food from the oriental place, easily identifiably vegetables and chicken, so YAHOO! I am sooooooooooooooo lcuky to be alive.

2009 07 25 See the Comedy 913am

Breakfast arrived for everyone but me. That's OK, my dear friend from Minnesota and East End, came and brought me my favorite, a bunch of vanilla yogurt. So at 5am, when the nurse was done beating me up, slapping my feet, slapping my arms, slapping my face, I ate one of those and it was delicious.

But three hours later, I watch everyone else eat breakfast while I pretend not to notice. My stomach takes note and sends up a ferocious embarrassing growl. Everyone stares at me. I apologize. Someone says "Where's your breakfast?"

"I think they ran out of them" I reply. A new nurse starts checking and asking around. Turns out three people are missing breakfast. Meanwhile, my new neighbor has announced she doesn't do cheese and has passed me her slice of cheese with a slice of tomato and faint wisp of white iceberg lettuce. I thank her profusely.

Another half hour goes by and breakfast arrives. It's a cup of hot Ovaltine, a shot cup of apple juice, a whole weenie and a half of weenie, torn in half, the other half is missing. Like someone was hungry and ripped off half of the weenie. *giggle* A piece of pale toast, a slice of tomato and a wisp of iceburg. For condiments are sugar and grape jelly.

I toss the sugar and grape jelly in my bag of condiment stash, then rummage around and find a catsup and a mustard. I garnish the pale toast with catsup on one side and mustard on the other, I slice up the weenie and make a sandwich of sorts with the iceburg and tomato.

I've learned they give you curious condiments which each meal, so I save them and then hopefully you can trade them out later.

I've VERY tired now. I go sleep.

No bowl of white stuff today! Hmm... guess they ran out.

2009 07 25 Saturdaze 716am AND The Secret Diary of a Call Girl

I'm alive. Many people here are hard workers and have gone out of their way to take care of me and the other patients. But some are sourpusses that either hate me or hate their jobs or hate both.

Yep, I am still in the hospital.

This one nurse who apparently doesn't like me, or doesn't like her job or doesn't like life, began beating and slapping my feet at 5am. I had been asleep for maybe 3-4 hours. Those tortuous bright lights were like coffee to me and it was nearly 1 or 2 am before she turned mine off. I was still WIDE awake and bouncing off the walls. Finally with the dimmed lights I could focus on relaxing. How do you relax when your eyes are forced to look into super bright lights? It was like trying to stare at the sun at high noon and be screamed at to go to sleep!

Anyhow, I watched some videos on my laptop at a tiny volume, my ear piece is at home. Actually I watched a few episodes of "The Secret Diary of A Call Girl" which was quite entertaining and amusing. A good bed time story, tee hee hee.

I opened one eye at the nurse slapping my feet. I tried to make my one eye look very evil to get her to stop slapping me. I am not sure what in heck she wanted! Is it on my chart? "Slap patient's feet at 5am?"

I closed my eyes and tried to rest. Next she began slapping my arm, and I opened up my evil eye again. Now she is doing the blood pressure thingy. Well OK fine, did that require all this slapping? Why beat me up? I'm in enough pain as it is.

Now she began beating my feet again and telling me to get up and go shower. I just showered around midnight, am I that dirty 5 hours later? Good grief! What happened?

I covered my feet back up, and tried to doze back off. I was still plugged into last night's IV, no one bothered to take it out, and moving down the hallway, with a wheel chair and an RV is difficult. Last night I had to sleep walk to the bathroom, pushing the IV post with me. I did it with one eye too *giggle*.

I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo tired.

2009 07 24 Light Torture

They turned on the SUPER BRIGHT lights before the sun even went down. You could count the grains of dirt on every linolium tile in there, the lights are so bright.

I can NOT rest under these bright as hell interrogator lights. The nurses love them. But it leaves me WIDE awake as if I drank tons of coffee.

They tell me to close my eyes and sleep, and it's NOT working! WHY the hell do I need 2000 wat lights over my bed and then be ordered to sleep? It's painful as hell being here as it is, but being tortured on top of it is mind boggling.

2009 07 24 Ooopsy 907pm Friday

I posted a nice long post earlier and cyber world ate it.

Or maybe I dreamed it.

tsk tsk tsk

GOOD NEWS
I don't have AIDS or Swine Flu.

BAD NEWS
The docs are puzzled with my condition. I'm still very weak. My friend Lori took me out to the porch today in front of the hospital, it was nice to go outside!

They were supposed to send me with my portable oxygen thingy, but we decided to try it on our own. All went well, sort of, then I started coughing and got real weak so Lori had to push me back in ,and I had to plug the oxygen back in.

The doc said I have a "a whole wall of oxygen" when they put me here. Not sure what that was about, but sure enough I am plugged into a whole wall of oxygen.

2009 07 24 My laptop is propped up with surgical tape

My laptop is propped up with surgical tape so I can type. My friend who brought my laptop over yesterday, didn't bring my fan cooler thingy which is on an angle. He didn't even stay to see me, but I guess he had places to be and things to do.



Today I had companion who brought me a much needed hairbrush, some vanilla yogurt (my favorite!) and a sandwich with lots of garden items on it plus turkey and cheese.

2009 07 24 More Vampires in White Coats

The crowd of white coats showed up and hovered around my bed. They talk amongst themselves as if I am not here.

So I roll my eyes up to the top of my head, allow my tongue to fall out of my mouth to one side, then slump over, like I've just died.

They keep talking and ignoring me. One absentmindedly feels for a pulse. Another puts his stethoscope to my chest. They continue to chat as if I am not here but I really am alive.

GOOD NEWS!

I've commandeered a wheel chair now. It's the ticket to my freedom. I covet it and keep it parked by my bed. I am thrilled. It's freedom! So far I've made 18 trips to the bathroom down the hallway.

It's the only place they let me go.

But secretly I am studying the layout of this place and asking questions and planning to escape these vampires.

The white coats said my improvement has been much slower than they thought.

Well, DUH, let's see:

Every time I doze off someone wakes me up, so I get very little sleep.
At night I am given this awful drug to remove water and make me pee a bunch, hence the 18 trips to the bathroom. Doesn't that flush out all the other drugs? Hmm...

At 5am while sound asleep the nurses turn on 1200 watt lights and commence with complete physicals making a clamorous noise that makes everyone grumpy

Today I put a sheet over my head, much to their amusement.

Breakfast comes 3 hours after this ordeal. Today it had a chunk of Spam and thick white goo instead of watery goo. I ask the dietitian what it is and she says "It's cream of something, put sugar on it, it'll taste fine." and she briskly walks away.

Did I just hear her say "cream of something?"

2009 07 24 The Hospital Blog Begins...

*NOTE* On July 22, 2009, Dear Miss Mermaid collasped and was rushed to the local island hospital on Tortola in the British Virgin Islands,  by ambulance. On July 24, she woke up and began the "hospital blog".  A neighbor brought her old laptop and some clothes to the hospital. 

The Vampires (July 24, 2009)

The vampires keep waking me up to take more blood. If you expect to rest up, do NOT go to the hospital. I came here by ambulance, against my will, more or less, but had I not arrived here by ambulance, I would have ended up in the San Juan crematorium, so all in all I am lucky.

The night shift at the hospital can be brutal. Some are very sweet professional souls, others use it as an opportunity to show their prejudices, and to wield unnecessary power over helpless people. Everyone here seems to be in critical shape. Maybe it's just the ward they stuck me in.  I'm connected to tubes, wires, plugs, alarms, face mask, IV's and things that go beep.  I asked a doctor when am I going home. She said not for a very long time.

I cried myself to sleep.

It's terrible being an only-mermaid here. Some staff apparently do not like mermaids, and they have gone out of their way to let me know this. I guess mermaids never come calling to the hospital, unless like me, it was life or death.

Food here is very curious. Breakfast yesterday was a piece of toast, a very thin piece of cheese and a slice of tomato, a cup of Ovaltine (hot), a tiny cup of grape juice. Then there was this white stuff in a square bowl. It tasted like wallpaper paste. I asked what it was to the vampire and she said "Oatmeal! Just add sugar, it will taste fine."

It didn't taste like oatmeal. When the nurse came to change out my IV meds, I asked her what the white stuff was and she said "Cream of Wheat, just dump sugar on it, you'll be fine."

When the respiratory tech showed up to change my oxygen, I pointed to the white stuff and asked her what it was and she said "Oats! Just put sugar on it , and it will taste all right!"

I didn't fee like eating sugar and the white stuff without the sugar was pretty awful, so I skipped it.

More later

JULY 21 2009

Up since dark thirty and internet is down again.

Two hours later...
It's a stormy looking day, but no rains yet, but at 7am we have strong gusty breezes and it's already 83 degrees. I'm on my 2nd jumbo coffee, willing the internet to wake up. Ha ha ha!

Last week BVI elec-tricky fried my surge protector and my TV. Ugh. Of course silly me prepaid my cable bill. Double ugh, or I would just forget the TV, but I must admit when my eyes are too tired for reading and it's the middle of the night, I have a bad habit of watching movies with the cats, if they are around.

Speaking of cats, they are all laying around this morning looking extremely exhausted. I guess they were out partying all night. Maybe they are expecting stormy weather today and have tucked in for the duration.

I'm going through my old emails to see if I missed answering any. It happens. I noticed my file cabinet ate my archives. Horrors! I have backups somewhere, but restoring them overwrites the current files. Grrr...

I can never seem to catch up with technology. My current emails go back to April, so heavens, I must check them all to see if they've been answered. If you sent me an email since April, don't be bashful about writing again, if you didn't get a reply.

Three hours later...
Internet is up! Skies are still pretty gloomy and kitties are tucked away, one on the bed and one on the top shelf of the closet, another is stashed inside the bookcase, where I have left a small cat sized shelf empty.

It appears that a tropical wave is passing over us now, and it's certainly getting darker rather than lighter, so many we have rain on the way. We are super green with cisterns almost full. Heavy rains and gusty winds are predicted, and we already have the gutsy winds *giggle* and the rains may soon-come!

830am and I am emailing this if all goes well!

Sahara Haze on the horizon, click here to enlarge.

Millions of people across Asia will witness the longest total solar eclipse that will happen this century, as vast swaths of India and China, the entire city of Shanghai and southern Japanese islands are plunged into darkness Wednesday for about five minutes. More info.

Follow DearMissMermaid on Twitter.Com
Hurricanes & Hangovers by Dear Miss Mermaid
Warm and Sunny Regards,DearMissMermaid.com