Sunday, August 02, 2009

2009 08 02 612am The Angels and Sunshine and Elephant Poop

Apple juice can go a LONG ways to make one feel healthy in a hurry. It's a great way to keep the body "regular". What with the unusual food here, the piles of stress, and so on, you can imagine I became, um, packed up, rather quickly.

Several friends have dropped off large containers of Apple Juice and this is HEAVEN. It tastes great at any temperature, (they brought me the screw lid type, not the canned type, has to have a screw on lid) and it quickly put my internal system back in order without medical intervention.

But it did recently cause a major embarrassing plumbing problem!

Currently the men and women are sharing a bathroom here, no one has fixed the mens' room, and so few of us on this floor can actually get out of bed and go use the bathroom, so who cares that we've become a unisex bath. We try to make sure no one else is in there and take turns using it alone.

Well, I skipped a day or two without Apple Juice (I ran out!) and well my "system" packed it up. Finally someone dropped off Apple Juice for me, so I drank the whole half gallon bottle over the afternoon.

Ahhh, it began to do it's magic so I headed for the ladies room.

We have had numerous power outages (Carnival takes a lot of current) but so far the hospital has been great at switching us back and forth to generators and back again. Once in awhile there is a hiccup in the water supply, but it eventually comes back too.

I haven't figured out the hot water routine, when we get it and when we don't. It just appears once in awhile and other times is totally elusive. One reason I shower at odd hours, I am never sure if I am showering in the cold water, lukewarm water or hot water. I test it throughout the day and if it hits a temperature I like, I run grab my stuff and shower.

Anyhow, I didn't need a shower, I just needed a toilet. I arrived at the ladies room and the toilet was spotlessly clean, but bone dry. Not a drop of water in it! Grrrrrrrr........

I had no choice and couldn't really wait any longer, so I got all comfy and did my thing.

When I stood up to flush, it wouldn't flush (water was off or something) and I foolishly TOOK A LOOK in the toilet.

Oh my GOODNESS!

I felt like I was trapped in a dark comedy, a movie, not a life *tee hee hee*.

It looked like the world's BIGGEST donkey had made a poop deposit in the toilet.

I stared in horror! It literally looked like 20-30 pounds of you know what! I mean had I been out hiking and found a pile THAT BIG, I would have been scared, VERY SCARED and begun suspecting an elephant had found it's way on island...

I fiddled with the toilet knobs, I twisted and turned the water knobs, I tried EVERYTHING to coax that toilet to flush and NOTHING was happening.

I stared at the offending pile of poop. HOW did THAT much poop come out of me? AM I seeing things? I bet I just lost 15-30 pounds, just like THAT. Oh m GOODNESS!

This can NOT be real.

I tried to flush the toilet again and nothing happened.

Finally in total disgust, I closed up the toilet, cleaned myself with a half gallon of sanitizer and I shuffled back to the bed feeling VERY light.

I awoke from my nap and shuffled down to the ladies room. In stall two, there was the offending elephant poop, only now, the water was ON. So I flushed.

Well, do you know what happens when elephant poop sits "drying out" for hours and THEN you try to flush it with water?

Well NOTHING happens.

No amount of flushing could make this king kong sized mountain of poop slip down the toilet and into anonymity.

I thought to myself, am I the freak star of some horror show now??? Thank goodness this restroom has multiple seats and no one has "discovered" this yet. But now, no amount of flushing seemed to make that pile of ca-ca the least bit interested in just GOING AWAY.

(Why me LORD? WHY ME?)

I gave up and went back to bed, unsure whether to burst out laughing or burst into tears!

I was dozing off asleep when I was startled by a "OH MY GAWD! scream and a flurry of giggles and laughter and "YOU GOT TO SEE THIS!" and it was the cleaning crew. They had gone to clean the ladies rest room and GUESS WHAT THEY FOUND!

Apparently several nurses and others went to see this mountain of elephant poop which now had everybody talking, wondering where in the hell did THAT come from.

I slipped out on the porch. No one ha asked me a thing and I am keeping my mouth SHUT.

I hear the men talking. "Somebody left 30 pounds of poop in the toilet, now THAT kinda thing is exactly why the women don't want the men using their toilets... I saw it too, looked like a donkey spent all week filling up the toilet. Disgusing....



3 comments:

Sandra Montgomery said...

...and now everyone knows it was you!! hahhaha!!!

DearMissMermaid said...

shhhhhhh, no one here has internet but me, I'm currently the only laptop on this floor, though last week two patients had laptops and DVD players, they have since all gone home, Shhhhhhhh.... so NO, they don't know it was ME that left the elephant pile of poop blocking up their throne, HONESt TO GAWD, I AM MORTIFIED!

ADB said...

Oh you had me in stitches with that story, DMM. Can well imagine you were embarrassed - but I hope it helped on other ways!