If I had no pain, I would have walked out of here, and hitchhiked home to my kitties a week ago!
My friend nervously came to the veranda. She looked at me, she looked at the place, she gagged, coughed, turned pale and then turned green. Looking quite ill she leaned over and whispered, "I will bring my truck around, you just hop in and we GO! I get you out of here! I will save you!"
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And you wonder why I spend all day trying to laugh or make others laugh or anything to keep from crying, to keep from hanging my self in my IV cords...
Again she asked: "Are you in pain or anything?"
A uniformed "person" I have never seen before (well I may have, and just don't remember) came by and asked me if I was in pain "or anything".
Of course I am in pain! And I nodded my head, that I was in pain.
Again she asked: "Are you in pain or anything?"
Again I answer "YES! I am in pain!"
"You're in PAIN???"
"YES! I AM IN PAIN!!!"
"Does it hurt?"
"YES, it hurts!"
"Where does it hurt?
"Well, it only hurts, if I breathe, swallow, cough, walk or move my eyes. The only time I don't hurt is when I sleep without the big bright you-better-confess-NOW lights, but I am now so sleep deprived, that I hurt ALL the time. MAYBE if I got to sleep an ENTIRE HOUR or two without the BIG bright lights in my face, without the corporal punishment, without somebody slapping me around, the pain MIGHT have a chance to go away.
"Oh, does it hurt MUCH?"
"YES! It hurts a LOT!
"How much is a lot?"
"Well, if you come closer, I will SHOW you how much it hurts...."
I sit there and see myself in another world, in another dimension, grab her scrawny neck and wring it around a few times and then tape her eyes open for 24 hours and turn on the torture lights then ask her ten times DOES IT HURT NOW? DOES IT HURT NOW? Meanwhile I be slapping her feet the way that devil slaps mine and scream at her DOES IT HURT NOW? Every time I catch her sleeping, I slap her awake and make her wait HOURS to pee then ask her DOES IT HURT NOW? DOES IT HURT NOW? Then while she drifts off to sleep, I slap her jaw a few more times, like they slapped mine so many, that it is swollen and hurting and ask her DOES IT HURT NOW???
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OK calm down.
YES IT HURTS! LIFE HURTS!
Isn't that the point of being in the hospital? TO be in as much pain as possible?????
Oh gosh girl......... I remember Steve going through this like it was yesterday, it practically was yesterday. It is funny how once you arrive at the hospital where you are supposed to rest and get better, one becomes sleep deprived and in severe pain. Being awake all night in a hospital is probably in the top 5 most lonely places to be. I wish I could come sit and talk with you. Steve is also a diabetic, and struggled a lot with his diabetes in the hospital. The hospital food didnt help him at all. Have one of your friends bring your monitor and some test strips over if you dont have them already. I am thinking about you and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteGrant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
I put the last in caps because I think it is the most important part.
MS